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Old 09-14-2009, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,337 posts, read 7,106,542 times
Reputation: 3464

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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I appreciate responses of others so much, but this gave me a pause. Are we, as human beings capable loving someone other then your children unconditionally?
I love my husband so much, but it's not unconditional, I know that for sure. There is not much he can do that would make me stop loving him, even a break of trust, but I think I still have conditional love for him.
Unconditionally? No. Most humans love conditionally, meaning we love our SO until they commit the unpardonable sin against us. Then if we do forgive them, we give them 3 strikes until we're done for good.
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Old 09-14-2009, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Sudcaroland
10,662 posts, read 9,299,703 times
Reputation: 32009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darthfrodo View Post
Open communication.......Independence.........Acceptanc e
I couldn't agree more!
And of course, being faithful to your spouse. For me, that's really important.
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Old 09-14-2009, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,742,717 times
Reputation: 19861
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I appreciate responses of others so much, but this gave me a pause. Are we, as human beings capable loving someone other then your children unconditionally?
I love my husband so much, but it's not unconditional, I know that for sure. There is not much he can do that would make me stop loving him, even a break of trust, but I think I still have conditional love for him.
True love, if it's real, should be unconditional. It shouldn't be "I love you if..." or "I'll love you when...", it should be given and shared without demanding or expecting it in return. If you give someone a gift, you do not give it with conditions attached or expecting something in return. You give from your heart. Your love is a gift, and when you give it, you should do so without a list of expectations, or you can anticipate a lot of disappointment in your life. I'm not talking about unconditional as in, he/she can cheat on you or abuse you and you still love them. Those are obvious dealbreakers, though it may not necessarily stop you from loving them.

With true love there is a bond of trust that should be established as you've gotten to know them. The relationship had time to grow, nurture and ultimately blossom into something unbreakable. It takes time, and unlike your love of a child which is instantaneous once they enter this world (a love like no other), loving a spouse requires knowing them flaws and all, and accepting them for who they are and developing a mutual respect and admiration of one another.
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Old 09-14-2009, 08:29 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,913,090 times
Reputation: 15255
I'm out.
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Old 09-14-2009, 08:40 AM
 
Location: New England
914 posts, read 1,803,986 times
Reputation: 928
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I have been on CD for couple of years now, but I only started participating in Relationship forum recently. I see so many threads discussing unsuccessful marriages, bad relationships, hurtful situations and etc...

I would love to start a thread where people can share some success stories. Describe how long they have been married, what they love about their partner, how did their relationship improved over time, perhaps share some stories of overcoming difficult times.

I think we can all use some positivity here, perhaps inspire some people to search for that someone.

Also - I'm sure, definition of successful marriages vary. What is your understanding of successful marriage?
I super dig this thread, but can I say i've had successful relationships even though they ended? Because I say I have. People just lose the frequency waves of chemistry. Most of my boyfriends have ended on very good terms, and I'm glad to say that most of them were a success. What is needed is chemistry, honesty, trust and adventure.
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Old 09-14-2009, 08:58 AM
 
1,858 posts, read 3,543,483 times
Reputation: 1183
well ive only been married for a less than a month but weve been together for 1 year.

My husband is very loyal, sweet,hardworking, family oriented,loves to cook, loves god..oh i can go on and on

But he can also be a controlling pain in the ass...i see why marriage can be hard work.

you have to take some bad with the good.

I love being married to him and wouldnt change it for the world
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Old 09-14-2009, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,384 posts, read 3,173,326 times
Reputation: 1404
I agree with most of the posts here already, with little to add, actually

I have been in love with my husband for 10 years, best friends for 9, and married for 7. All in all, we have a great time enjoying each other's lives.

When we first started out, I was married already. Of course to the wrong man ever for me, but I was so very young, naive, and did everything my family told me not to do. Lesson learned.

He stuck by me and saw me at my worst before he ever saw me at my best. He always laughed at my jokes, and I began to notice that this guy really "got me". Not those pity laughs to make you feel better, his eyes watered up because he got the joke! And no one else in the room understood squat of what I had just said. That led me to imagine a world of just us two, with our own little jokes, and before long, we enjoyed doing that exact thing.

Girls would come to me, his best friend, and just ***** **** and moan about all his little quirks. They couldn't stand the way he did this, and didn't share that....I thought, "wow. I like him just as he is. I wouldn't want to change a thing because he wouldn't be the guy he is without all those little this and thats." That's acceptance of a person. 100% faults and all. And if you really respect him, it really isn't much a fault after all, its just what it is. Part of him.

When the rough times hit and we didn't see eye to eye on some really important issues, we would pick a spot and sit right down on the carpet. I would give him the "come hither finger" and he'd sit down with a chuckle. We pride ourselves on our communication, after all, all those long talks on the phone while two states away, and staying up all night chatting when we were in love at first.....those were the test drives that lead us right here to this carpet chat. Let's see how our practicing made out.

Compromise is something that I had trouble with. I am a social butterfly, and he is an introverted hermit crab. I crave life and sunshine, he craves his cave and gadgets. Compromise can be a rewarding and adventurous thing. He comes out with me and enjoys a new place with new food and of course new gadgets to buy, and I snuggle in his cave with my computer and we play some Alterac Valley battle grounds in world of warcraft. If you can't beat em, join em, just remember to kick his ass and show him who's the big whig!

Things in common is important. Not to slap polar opposites off the map, but enjoying the same juicy foods and the same roller coaster rides makes for some pretty fun memories down the line.

And never forget why you got together in the first place. Lookin at each other 10 years later, my boobs ain't so perky, and his belly ain't so flat.....but his kisses still taste the same, he still loves it when I bite his ear, and we still melt when our favorite movie comes on.

Marriage is like a satin ribbon, at first it's shiny and soft, and just perfect. It keeps going on and on, and even though the sun fades the ribbon just ever so slightly, it still feels good when you wrap it around your heart, and tie it off with a beautiful bow.

Kat
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Old 09-14-2009, 09:16 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,357,275 times
Reputation: 8075
I dig all the responses, keep them coming.

In terms of unconditional love...when I married my husband, I married the love of my life and I still think this way. He is an amazing man, wonderful and kind and of course, I opened my heart and soul to him and I do take the good with the bad, all his little flaws and imperfections, I love it all....However, the replies I got still indicate that if he was to commit something immoral, it's possible for me to stop loving him. What I'm saying is that I can't say for 100% that my love for him is unconditional, in fact I'm leaning towards the idea that it is conditional.

I was wondering sometimes, would I still love him if I found out that he cheated on me. I know for sure, that I would not divorce him and I would try hard to forgive him. This probably might cause a lot of disagreement from posters here, but this is my choice (at the moment) and I know that I wouldn't leave him because of infidelity. Of course, I never know for sure how I will react, but my logic tells me that he is too good of a man, a person, a father, that would make me forgive mistakes he could make. However, I don't know if I could still continue loving him the same way I do now and that tells me that my love is in fact conditional.
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Old 09-14-2009, 09:22 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,357,275 times
Reputation: 8075
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katlakat View Post
I agree with most of the posts here already, with little to add, actually

I have been in love with my husband for 10 years, best friends for 9, and married for 7. All in all, we have a great time enjoying each other's lives.

When we first started out, I was married already. Of course to the wrong man ever for me, but I was so very young, naive, and did everything my family told me not to do. Lesson learned.

He stuck by me and saw me at my worst before he ever saw me at my best. He always laughed at my jokes, and I began to notice that this guy really "got me". Not those pity laughs to make you feel better, his eyes watered up because he got the joke! And no one else in the room understood squat of what I had just said. That led me to imagine a world of just us two, with our own little jokes, and before long, we enjoyed doing that exact thing.

Girls would come to me, his best friend, and just ***** **** and moan about all his little quirks. They couldn't stand the way he did this, and didn't share that....I thought, "wow. I like him just as he is. I wouldn't want to change a thing because he wouldn't be the guy he is without all those little this and thats." That's acceptance of a person. 100% faults and all. And if you really respect him, it really isn't much a fault after all, its just what it is. Part of him.

When the rough times hit and we didn't see eye to eye on some really important issues, we would pick a spot and sit right down on the carpet. I would give him the "come hither finger" and he'd sit down with a chuckle. We pride ourselves on our communication, after all, all those long talks on the phone while two states away, and staying up all night chatting when we were in love at first.....those were the test drives that lead us right here to this carpet chat. Let's see how our practicing made out.

Compromise is something that I had trouble with. I am a social butterfly, and he is an introverted hermit crab. I crave life and sunshine, he craves his cave and gadgets. Compromise can be a rewarding and adventurous thing. He comes out with me and enjoys a new place with new food and of course new gadgets to buy, and I snuggle in his cave with my computer and we play some Alterac Valley battle grounds in world of warcraft. If you can't beat em, join em, just remember to kick his ass and show him who's the big whig!

Things in common is important. Not to slap polar opposites off the map, but enjoying the same juicy foods and the same roller coaster rides makes for some pretty fun memories down the line.

And never forget why you got together in the first place. Lookin at each other 10 years later, my boobs ain't so perky, and his belly ain't so flat.....but his kisses still taste the same, he still loves it when I bite his ear, and we still melt when our favorite movie comes on.

Marriage is like a satin ribbon, at first it's shiny and soft, and just perfect. It keeps going on and on, and even though the sun fades the ribbon just ever so slightly, it still feels good when you wrap it around your heart, and tie it off with a beautiful bow.

Kat
Damn, I can't rep you again, but boy, was this a good one!
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Old 09-14-2009, 09:23 AM
 
Location: PA-- and proud!
82 posts, read 192,354 times
Reputation: 83
Nice discussion idea.

It's all about love, and I don't care how cheesy that sounds. The majority of people I know are in convenience marriages. Sure, they love their spouse. But most of them got married because they hit the right age, and that happened to be who they were dating at the time. They wanted the marriage and the children and to not feel left out from what their friends were doing more than they wanted their SO. We live in a super conditional society. We love her until she gains 20 lbs. We love him until he loses his job. We love her until she wants to move to the west coast. We love him until he starts golfing on the weekends.

We have a huge disagreement in our marriage. Just about everyone who knows about it thinks we should get a divorce. Ridiculous! That's really how people think these days. They can't imagine that my husband and I love each other so much, that we'd rather have each other than win a disagreement.
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