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One thing that I think is interesting, is that my ex treated me like crap, lied to me, cheated on me, was cheap, had anger problems, expected everything at home to be pristine and perfect, he did everything he could do to let me know that "he is not that into you". Of course, we were married, so I tolerated it for years. Finally, I could not take it any longer, and left. It was mental and emotional cruelty that left me devestated.
Fast forward, he is now with someone else, who he treats like a goddess. I just am so crushed. He does not treat her the way he treated me at all. Why is that? Did he change? Is she so much better than me? I just don't get it.
Although my ex, the one I mentioned in the OP, was not abusive in the conventional sense, he promised me the world, lied about everything, and then bestowed all the good things he'd promised me on to the woman who he cheated on me with and eventually married. At first, I felt like you. I felt there was something obviously wrong w/ me & that she must be better than me for him to have actually fufilled the promises he'd made. WRONG! He is lying to her & now their 2 children everyday because they have no idea he is a closet homosexual, living a lie. In other words, you don't know how their relationship really is, we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Be thankful you got out ; I know I am, if nothing else. Imho, ppl don't change unless they truly work hard and deliberately at it. I seriously doubt this man has really changed his tune. She will find out eventually IF she hasn't yet what he is really like, and you are FREE!
I don't know if you ever really 'get over it.' You put it in your library of experiences, learn from it, and move on.
One thing I have not been able to escape from my multiple experiences of being treated poorly or cheated on, etc...each new relationship that comes along, I give a little less of myself and I keep in mind that if it ends, there's always more fish in the sea. I think we're all kind of idiotic romantics in our first relationships/first loves. Then we realize that people are human, not fairy tale characters.
The one thing I can't wrap my head around is when people get hurt and become the monsters who hurt them. They move on to make the next person pay - bitter, angry and nasty, thinking everyone is out to get them or has an agenda. I don't wish the worst on anyone, but I don't feel any pity for them either.
Yes, and this is really the genesis of human conflict because in some way, shape, or form people have been hurt and they carry that pain throughout there lives to then use to lash out on others.
Sadly, some of these people DON'T EVEN KNOW they have a problem because they have such a distorted frame of reference.
My first real boyfriend and i recently broke up.....needless to say we lived together for over 8 years and on the weekend of signing our papers to move into a new house that we had built he broke up with me. Come to find out he left me for this woman he worked with that was over 20 years older than I. She use to say how i was like a daughter and was ( at the time) very sweet to me. It as been over 2 years and he still claims that there just friends, but they live together at the same address...Hrm. NOT only did he take all of my money for that house.... he lived with me until he could get another car and apt. Also he would (in my face) go see her in my car and be gone for
hours. While we were in a relationship he never bought me anything or remembered any birthdays and such. I bought most of everything in the relationship. His habits were to go to strip clubs and spend 1500.00 $ at a time and other antics that were rude. His name is Isaac Mitchell and the old hag that he left me for is not attractive... Let's just say she is no Demi Moore. The old lady looks like she is old. BTW her name is Se Lam.
So anyways sorry for all the venting... feels good to get that off my chest.
Yes, and this is really the genesis of human conflict because in some way, shape, or form people have been hurt and they carry that pain throughout there lives to then use to lash out on others.
Sadly, some of these people DON'T EVEN KNOW they have a problem because they have such a distorted frame of reference.
+ 100! I totally agree that some ppl don't even notice how warped their views and outlook has become, definetly a distorted frame of reference.
Thanks so much for the honest replies and support. In 2002, I started dating a neighboor and he kept telling me how he wanted to get married and all that. Well, it was all lies. He cheated on me and moved the new woman(who had no qualms with dating a guy who was already engaged) into his place across the way from me. They got married a year later. As if this isn't bad enough, I found out he cheated on me with guys too! This was an educated, type A guy from TX who never ever seemed gay(or bi since he is married with 2 kids). I quit my job, changed my friends, ect for this guy and he threw me out like trash and immediately replaced me. I don't envy his wife because obviously he's got issues with homosexuality but I'm finding it almost impossible to trust again. I haven't seriously dated anyone in years because I never want to hurt like that again, however, I do want to get married eventually. I don't want to condemn myself to a solitary life but I'm afraid I'm getting too old to find someone(in my mid-thirties). I honestly feel over it but don't want to go through another heartbreak. How did you all move on and get over your fears?
wow kinda sounds like my sitaution but it was some one i worked with and we moved in together
wow kinda sounds like my sitaution but it was some one i worked with and we moved in together
What happened! How did you find peace after the break up(obviously only answer if you feel comfortable, if not, I'm sorry. I was not trying to pry, merely interested to hear how others handled & eventually got over their heartbreaks.). Take care!
My first real boyfriend and i recently broke up.....needless to say we lived together for over 8 years and on the weekend of signing our papers to move into a new house that we had built he broke up with me. Come to find out he left me for this woman he worked with that was over 20 years older than I. She use to say how i was like a daughter and was ( at the time) very sweet to me. It as been over 2 years and he still claims that there just friends, but they live together at the same address...Hrm. NOT only did he take all of my money for that house.... he lived with me until he could get another car and apt. Also he would (in my face) go see her in my car and be gone for
hours. While we were in a relationship he never bought me anything or remembered any birthdays and such. I bought most of everything in the relationship. His habits were to go to strip clubs and spend 1500.00 $ at a time and other antics that were rude. His name is Isaac Mitchell and the old hag that he left me for is not attractive... Let's just say she is no Demi Moore. The old lady looks like she is old. BTW her name is Se Lam.
So anyways sorry for all the venting... feels good to get that off my chest.
Wow! Sad story.
You know, I don't know if my idea is out on the market but is there a website where you can post pics of X boyfriends and X girlfriends and give positive or negative remarks so when the next lover comes along they can check that persons history????
Hmmmm, we need some kind of data base like that because clearly it's needed in this day and age!
when someone represents themselves to be something their not, i.e. a christian, that is bad. But there are some real weiners out there, I am sure there are some good guys as well. I went to warrant court today, had pictures, evidence of prior assault, and abuse, man had been married almost a dozen times... and he walked... free.
Anyone want to be an abusive man and get away with it, come to Statesboro Ga and live outside the city limits. You'll have the sherriffs on your side, and may even be able to sit beside your attorney and make faces at your soon -to- be- ex while she tells the judge what you did.
Thing do not always show up on a background check, so make sure to check out the police reports and etc from the areas they've lived in.
tryin to be better not bitter...no more marriage for me.
to> morphous01- yes---it is called womansavers.com you can write up his name, what he did, and etc.
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damaged from abusive marriage
