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By pushing the issue - either directly or indirectly - you'll only end up pushing him away. Read what everyone else has said here, there's some pretty damn good advice here. I won't go any further with that..
Now I have a question: Why are you wanting to move in so quickly? Sure, ya love him, we get that, but why is this so important? Are you afraid that you'll lose him if you don't move fast? There has to be something there. People just don't get sad because they love someone.. Sure, they'll miss that person when they aren't around, but that don't get sad. So, what causes this?
You said that you have more feelings for him than he does for you. I'll be up front here; you're walking a dangerous line. It's not that uncommon for two people to feel that way, that's pretty normal at the start of a relationship. However, by being this emotionally attached AND feeling this way, you could easily lose him because he'll start to feel cornered - if that makes any sense. Five months really isn't that long of a time frame. The best thing to do now is just to relax. Quit focusing so much on where the relationship is going, but instead, focus on just being in the relationship. Enjoy your time with him, cherish the little moments. Let him know that you love him, but at the same time, be supportive of him. Give him the time and space he needs, and I promise that you two will grow closer together.
We are together all the time and we get along well when we are not discussing my occasional sadness due to loving him too much.
This is not good for your relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom
I am wondering what I should do , besides give it time, to inspire him to want me to move in.
What you can do is stop being clingy. Stop pressuring him, or if you haven't pressured him, don't start. Forget about trying to "move things along" and concentrate on not destroying your relationship. If you pressure him, or you are being clingy, you won't have a relationship to worry about.
I'll second, third, and fourth what most of the above posters have said.
If he's not ready, he's NOT READY. If you push, he will back off so far you'll have to send out a search party for him.
My last boyfriend broke up w me because I was further ahead in the relationship than he was (his words). I wasn't even suggesting moving in together, but he felt pressured, and so he left. Personally, I think he had other issues going on, but the bottom line is that if you pressure someone into moving in, moving away, getting married, getting naked, having kids, whatever the issue, it's not a healthy relationship. Both parties need to be on the same page with issues like these.
My boyfriend and I (in our 30s) have been dating for about 5 months. he thinks it's too soon to move in together. I would move in today if he was agreeable to it. He has a point about it being too soon only because , to be honest , we have discussed the relationship and I have a lot more feelings for him than he does me. I really wouldn't say the situation is uncomfortable becasue of it too often. We are together all the time and we get along well when we are not discussing my occasional sadness due to loving him too much. I am wondering what I should do , besides give it time, to inspire him to want me to move in. I try to be patient (he is very patient.) but I also would like this to happen as quick as possible. What does everyone think? This would save me driving ,the money I would save in gas would pay half my share of the rent and I would have more time to be with him and my pets. What's in it for him? Just the rent though he could get that from any roommate.(And a little drive time / gas money) How do you get your boyfriend to want to take it to the next level?
You risk losing him for good if you push this. I'd back way off and let him come to you when he's ready - it's ONLY BEEN 5 MONTHS You are looking clingy and desparate - which equals, not very attractive.
My boyfriend and I (in our 30s) have been dating for about 5 months. he thinks it's too soon to move in together. I would move in today if he was agreeable to it. He has a point about it being too soon only because , to be honest , we have discussed the relationship and I have a lot more feelings for him than he does me. I really wouldn't say the situation is uncomfortable becasue of it too often. We are together all the time and we get along well when we are not discussing my occasional sadness due to loving him too much. I am wondering what I should do , besides give it time, to inspire him to want me to move in. I try to be patient (he is very patient.) but I also would like this to happen as quick as possible. What does everyone think? This would save me driving ,the money I would save in gas would pay half my share of the rent and I would have more time to be with him and my pets. What's in it for him? Just the rent though he could get that from any roommate.(And a little drive time / gas money) How do you get your boyfriend to want to take it to the next level?
Haven't read responses of others yet, but honey, you love him more then he loves you? That's a recipe for disaster and a heartbreak. You have been together for 5 months now, at this point you already know where you 2 stand. Knowing already that you have stronger feelings for him and already (so early in a relationship) feeling the saddness of loving him too much is NOT GOOD for your heart. Protect your heart.
Oh, and in terms of moving in, if he is not ready, don't ever mention it again, trust me!!!
First, realize that there is HUGE difference between being in a relationship with someone and living with them. Dude still wants some space in case things get hairy between you two. Also, you each having your own places gives you neutral corners to go to if you have a big argument and allows things to simmer down without the irritant (the other person) being there no matter what.
I also implore you, and pardon the caps, but DON'T OVERTHINK! If you like him and enjoy what you have now then ride that wave as long as you feel inclined to. Do not pressure him into something he is hesitant about because he will hate you for it in the end. Live in the moment and see how things develop.
Haven't read responses of others yet, but honey, you love him more then he loves you? That's a recipe for disaster and a heartbreak. You have been together for 5 months now, at this point you already know where you 2 stand. Knowing already that you have stronger feelings for him and already (so early in a relationship) feeling the saddness of loving him too much is NOT GOOD for your heart. Protect your heart.
Oh, and in terms of moving in, if he is not ready, don't ever mention it again, trust me!!!
This is actually an interesting point. There is a saying that he/she who is the least emotionally invested in the relationship has all the power in it. And it is true.
It sounds like he honestly isn't ready. Could be he won't be for a long time. That could be because you aren't the one and he's giving the relationship more time to develop to see if you turn in to "the one", or just being more cautious this time because of the other two women. The worst thing you can do is pressure someone in to doing something they clearly aren't ready for.
moving in together is a huge deal. it's not just like becoming roomies with your best friend. if you move in with your boyfriend, it should be considered one step closer to getting married.
i think you having "occasional sadness due to loving him too much" is kind of sick and you should think deeply into yourself to figure out where that is coming from. cause that's not healthy.
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You are looking clingy and desparate - which equals, not very attractive.
