U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-20-2009, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Virginia
296 posts, read 700,327 times
Reputation: 52

Advertisements

Ok so my ex and I have been broken up for a month and a half but we still talk on the phone for long hours and are good friends.We flirt with each other and we tell each other we love each other often....

Yet she doesnt know if she wants to be with me or not.She cut me loose because I called her another woman's name(my female friend,which I have never had any relations with) and she says I dont stand up for her.Before you start flaming me I was not the only one who done something wrong in the relationship.Her ex boyfriend and her had a kiss within 2 months of our relationship and she said he kissed her and she couldnt move away(which I believe is crap! but i still stayed with her despite that).She also called me another guys name about 3 weeks after I made the same mistake(a friend of hers who I knew about before her and i started dating) and I heard her say this as clear as day yet she keeps denying it.


I just dont know what to do my mind is telling me to leave her alone but my heart is steering me in another direction.I tried ignoring her but she still calls me and I find myself being miserable not hearing her beautiful voice...and when we do talk after we get off the phone sometimes I cry and wish she could be in my arms and that we never broke up...but maybe the break up was for the better....Im sooooooo confused!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-20-2009, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,676,897 times
Reputation: 1401
Listen to your mind. Block out the directions and sounds from the rest of your body!
You don't sound like you broke up with her. Then again, it sounds like she didn't break up with her last boy friend ... maybe she doesn't really break up with people ???
You can't move on and remain in contact with her. Stop communication. That's what breaking up is about. You will never aba available to someone else if you remain in contact with your "girlfriend".
Move on.
Take care of yourself.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2009, 10:49 PM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,278,371 times
Reputation: 1471
Ya know, you two are perfect for one another..

Ok, I'll quit being sarcastic and make my points.

The truth is this, I believe that neither one of you are ready for anything serious....yet. There's not a lot to go on here, but let me point out what I see:

Her

Regardless of whether or not she intended to kiss this guy, the fact of the matter is that she placed herself in that position. How? I don't know, but as soon as she realized that the dude was hitting on her, she should have walked away. Don't even let the idea of a kiss develop. End of story.

She says that she loves you, but can't commit to anything. That sounds like, to me, either she's afraid of commitment, or, she just wants you as a backup. Either way, it's a recipe for disaster.


You

You're hanging on to a girl that obviously doesn't want to be serious, while you do. You lack the confidence to take control of your own life, and would rather be consistently hurt by her actions.

There is a great lack of trust on your part - partially founded on truth, but also partially founded on perceptions. You're confused over being with a girl you don't trust, and on top of that, you perceive that calling someone by another name by accident is grounds for separation. While it is an offense, people in good relationships can look past that and move on, as long as there is nothing to taint that particular incident.


So, with that said, my advice is this: Move on. Take some time to figure out what you want out of life, date a few different people, and then, once you have finally figured all of that out, then you can try for a serious relationship.

Thing is, after EVERY breakup, there is always someone who feels like you do. Maybe not exactly, but pretty damn close. The only thing you can do is just let the past reside in the past..

That, my friend, is the bottom line...

I wish you the best!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2009, 11:10 PM
 
Location: Virginia
296 posts, read 700,327 times
Reputation: 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Ya know, you two are perfect for one another..

Ok, I'll quit being sarcastic and make my points.

The truth is this, I believe that neither one of you are ready for anything serious....yet. There's not a lot to go on here, but let me point out what I see:

Her

Regardless of whether or not she intended to kiss this guy, the fact of the matter is that she placed herself in that position. How? I don't know, but as soon as she realized that the dude was hitting on her, she should have walked away. Don't even let the idea of a kiss develop. End of story.

She says that she loves you, but can't commit to anything. That sounds like, to me, either she's afraid of commitment, or, she just wants you as a backup. Either way, it's a recipe for disaster.


You

You're hanging on to a girl that obviously doesn't want to be serious, while you do. You lack the confidence to take control of your own life, and would rather be consistently hurt by her actions.

There is a great lack of trust on your part - partially founded on truth, but also partially founded on perceptions. You're confused over being with a girl you don't trust, and on top of that, you perceive that calling someone by another name by accident is grounds for separation. While it is an offense, people in good relationships can look past that and move on, as long as there is nothing to taint that particular incident.


So, with that said, my advice is this: Move on. Take some time to figure out what you want out of life, date a few different people, and then, once you have finally figured all of that out, then you can try for a serious relationship.

Thing is, after EVERY breakup, there is always someone who feels like you do. Maybe not exactly, but pretty damn close. The only thing you can do is just let the past reside in the past..

That, my friend, is the bottom line...

I wish you the best!


Thanks for the great advice I really appreciate it but there was something you mentioned that I was misinterpreted...

"you perceive that calling someone by another name by accident is grounds for separation"...She is the one that broke up with me because I called her another woman's name therefore she considers a mere accident grounds of seperation not me.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2009, 12:31 AM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,278,371 times
Reputation: 1471
Quote:
Originally Posted by 90'sHip_Hop_Head View Post
Thanks for the great advice I really appreciate it but there was something you mentioned that I was misinterpreted...

"you perceive that calling someone by another name by accident is grounds for separation"...She is the one that broke up with me because I called her another woman's name therefore she considers a mere accident grounds of seperation not me.

Either way, it really doesn't matter. I mean, seriously, it's her loss, and you've actually gained something from all of this - you've learned a little more about being with someone else.

Still, you commented that she did it a little later on, so there must be some concern over it. It happens, no worries...

...and for her to get so bent out of shape about it in the first place, well, bro, you deserve better than that anyway.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2009, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,413 posts, read 19,270,769 times
Reputation: 18565
Sounds to me like she said this other guys name intentionally, just to get back at you. How old are you two if you don't mind my asking? Me personally, I'd say cut your losses and move on. Some people just look for excuses to be angry, she sounds like one of those people. If she could break it off just because of a slip of the tongue (it's not as though your tongue slipped into this other girl), then the relationship probably wasn't all that strong to begin with, and neither were her feelings for you. The longer you keep in contact with her, the longer it will take to get over her.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2009, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Virginia
296 posts, read 700,327 times
Reputation: 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
Sounds to me like she said this other guys name intentionally, just to get back at you. How old are you two if you don't mind my asking? Me personally, I'd say cut your losses and move on. Some people just look for excuses to be angry, she sounds like one of those people. If she could break it off just because of a slip of the tongue (it's not as though your tongue slipped into this other girl), then the relationship probably wasn't all that strong to begin with, and neither were her feelings for you. The longer you keep in contact with her, the longer it will take to get over her.

Im 21 and shes 20
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2009, 09:08 PM
 
3,440 posts, read 7,646,325 times
Reputation: 2397
Quote:
Originally Posted by 90'sHip_Hop_Head View Post
Ok so my ex and I have been broken up for a month and a half but we still talk on the phone for long hours and are good friends.We flirt with each other and we tell each other we love each other often....

Yet she doesnt know if she wants to be with me or not.She cut me loose because I called her another woman's name(my female friend,which I have never had any relations with) and she says I dont stand up for her.Before you start flaming me I was not the only one who done something wrong in the relationship.Her ex boyfriend and her had a kiss within 2 months of our relationship and she said he kissed her and she couldnt move away(which I believe is crap! but i still stayed with her despite that).She also called me another guys name about 3 weeks after I made the same mistake(a friend of hers who I knew about before her and i started dating) and I heard her say this as clear as day yet she keeps denying it.


I just dont know what to do my mind is telling me to leave her alone but my heart is steering me in another direction.I tried ignoring her but she still calls me and I find myself being miserable not hearing her beautiful voice...and when we do talk after we get off the phone sometimes I cry and wish she could be in my arms and that we never broke up...but maybe the break up was for the better....Im sooooooo confused!


I'ma tell you what my grandpa told me a few years before he made the transition.


Basically, at your age, (a young man) you need to focus on YOUR life, such as, making money and purchasing your own home. Once you pass that stage, THEN go out and jump into the dating game; DEEP END!!


Wishing and crying is going to do NOTHING to get your girl back or any other girl for that matter, so as a young man, and not that men can't cry but this situation it's not appropriate.


Regardless, use your brain to help you navigate, then STICK TO IT. So what I mean is, if you decide to let her go, then go all the way by changing your number and move on, but if you decide to stay then you need to be responsible and carry out her wishes by sticking up for her, along with never calling her by another woman's name. Women REALLY hate that! I know you said she did it as well, but here is another lesson; a women can get away with a lot more things then a man can.


On a side note if you REALLY want her back mainly because you feel she is a good woman who can help you in your life, I think it's time to visit a florist shop along with writing her a letter of apology and surprise her say at her job with it.

This method has ALWAYS worked for me when I pissed off my gf.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2009, 01:50 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 967,569 times
Reputation: 435
Quote:
Originally Posted by 90'sHip_Hop_Head View Post
Ok so my ex and I have been broken up for a month and a half but we still talk on the phone for long hours and are good friends.We flirt with each other and we tell each other we love each other often....

Yet she doesnt know if she wants to be with me or not.She cut me loose because I called her another woman's name(my female friend,which I have never had any relations with) and she says I dont stand up for her.Before you start flaming me I was not the only one who done something wrong in the relationship.Her ex boyfriend and her had a kiss within 2 months of our relationship and she said he kissed her and she couldnt move away(which I believe is crap! but i still stayed with her despite that).She also called me another guys name about 3 weeks after I made the same mistake(a friend of hers who I knew about before her and i started dating) and I heard her say this as clear as day yet she keeps denying it.


I just dont know what to do my mind is telling me to leave her alone but my heart is steering me in another direction.I tried ignoring her but she still calls me and I find myself being miserable not hearing her beautiful voice...and when we do talk after we get off the phone sometimes I cry and wish she could be in my arms and that we never broke up...but maybe the break up was for the better....Im sooooooo confused!
I am 21 also, and I just got out of a relationship of 4 years a few months back. We went through the same thing, talking on the phone, saying "I love you," and letting each other know that "there's always a chance that we'll get back together," and saying things like "if its meant to be it will be." It was all only being said bc neither one of us knew what to do without each other and we wanted to leave the option open for getting back together...it was comforting. When you are in a relationship for so long and decide things are just not working out and you are still young it seems like you have nothing. In my case I had no friends at the point of breaking up bc he was my world for so long and the friends I did have were mutual so it was no help. I broke up with him but was still heartbroken. What you need to do is follow your brain, enough with this follow your heart stuff, that gets you back at square one. If you guys cant stay together through a few small issues are you really going to be able to marry her one day? Do you honestly TRUST her? I was told by my ex that trust is the most important thing in a relationship, the next day he cheated on me...talk is cheap. Start a life of your own, think about what you like to do, pick up something new like running or working out, or hanging out with old friends. Make your life a little more about you, make YOU happy first. Good luck with everything!
PS...it gets better. You will get through it even if it seems like the end of your dating life haha
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2009, 01:59 PM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,481 posts, read 6,681,728 times
Reputation: 29779
IT's time to move on and let it go!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top