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That being said, negativity is typically the result of bad past experiences. Bad past experiences are the result of bad choices in the people you dated. If this guy is a winner, improve your attitude. That doesn't mean you have to act like a cast member of Up With People, but a basic belief in yourself and others makes you a much more attractive person. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes to drag a negative person through life. It's exhausting.
Which leads to my second point. There are a lot of the walking wounded on this board, people who complain about their miserable dating lives, how life has screwed them over, blah blah blah blahbity blah. Then, almost in the next breath, they complain about how hard it is to find a partner in life. To which I want to say, "HELLO, McFly, nobody wants to spend five minutes around a person who whines and complains all the time, let alone a lifetime."
One other thing. Be excited about life's possibilities. I dated a negative gal, and just deciding what to do was this incredibly excruciating exercise. Here is an actual example of the kinds of conversations we had one of our dates, a spur-of-the-moment thing when she called me up wanting to do something on a Saturday night. I drove over and met her at the door.
ME: Hey. So what do you want to do tonight? I feel like dinner.
HER: Like, where?
ME: I don't know. Pizza, Chinese. Maybe that new Thai place. I hear it's good.
HER: Well, I'm not wild about those choices.
ME: Well, what do you feel like?
HER: I'm not sure, I mean I'm kind of hungry but I'm just not sure what I feel like. Nothing sounds good.
ME: Well, we could cook in.
HER: No, I don't want to clean up anything.
ME: Well, I could cook.
HER: Well, I don't want to really do that either. That will take time.
ME: Okay. I'm out of suggestions. If you won't pick, I'll pick for us.
HER: Well, okay.
ME: How about Silvertron? They pretty much have a little of everything.
HER: Oh, I don't like Silvertron. The waiter looked at me funny that time.
ME: [Through gritted teeth] Then. Pick. A. Place.
HER: Well, jeez, you don't have to be like that. Fine. We'll go to Silvertron.
ME: Great. Let's go.
HER: But if we get that waiter, I'm changing tables.
ME: Fine.
FAST FORWARD 15 MINUTES. WE GET TO SILVERTRON.
HER: It's kind of crowded.
ME: Hey, it's Saturday and they don't take reservations. I see some tables finishing up. No sweat.
HER: I don't want to wait all night though, I'm hungry.
ME: Ten minutes. Tops.
HER: [heavy sigh] Okay. But I'm really hungry.
ME: Fifteen minutes ago you said you were just kind of hungry.
HER: Well, I've gotten hungrier.
ME: Oh, look. See? We have a table. Three minutes.
HER: About time, I hate to wait.
TEN MINUTES LATER AFTER LOOKING A MENUS. SHE HAS RULED OUT EVERYTHING ON THE MENU AS EITHER TOO FATTENING, TOO SPICY, TOO THIS, OR TOO THAT.
HER: Fine. I'll have the Cobb Salad and some onion soup.
ME: Good deal. Okay, so do you still want to go to this party later?
HER: Whose party?
ME: These friends of mine from school. They're great guys, lots of different people will be there.
HER: Will anybody I know be there?
ME: I don't know. I'd say the chances are good. But you'll like them. Friendly and easy to talk to.
HER: I'm not sure. I don't want to go to a party with a bunch of strangers.
ME: Talk to them for five minutes and they're not strangers anymore.
HER: Can we just go to a movie?
ME: [Mentally deciding to ditch her after movie and go on to the party so the night's not a total loss] Sure, we can do a movie. Which one?
HER: I don't know.
ME: How about the one with Tom Hanks?
HER: Nah. I don't like Tom Hanks.
ME: Action? Comedy? Romance?
HER: I'm not sure. Whatever you want to see.
ME: Well there's this new comedy, When Harry Met Sally.
HER: I heard it's stupid.
ME: Who said it was stupid?
HER: My brother.
ME: How old is your brother?
HER: He's fifteen.
Repeat this scenario for every decision made that night, from where to park the car, if she needs a sweater for the movie theater, what she wants on her popcorn, where she wants to sit in the theater, and everything else.
Personally I know I am a negative person. When I whine too much about stuff I know its because other stuff is just not fitting. So I make a list of things I do not like and think about if I can change them and why I want to change them. If you take the things on your list and write each issue on a piece of paper for possible happy solutions you feel less negative (at least in that trapped cycle way)
Guys that say that "too negative" thing tend to be on the selfish and immature side. Not saying you should mope about like a plath. But don't change yourself for some stupid guy thats just a boyfriend.
I think its more about finding the right time and place to be negative.
I am not a negative person by nature but there are a few people that trigger something in me and I feel negative and snarky...perhaps it is just chemistry...
I'm a negative person and seek out other negatives. When the two of us meet, I'm suddenly on top of the world.
Being around positive people can make me even more negative.
My advice is to seek out another negative and live happily ever after.
Half the population of the world are negative in outlook, the other half positive in outlook. So that leaves lots of potential relationship partners and save yourself all the aggravation of being with an incompatible partner.
how do you become an optimist rather than a pessimist in relationships
People who have luck and success early in life become optimists.
You can be both, depending on the situation.
People say to be an optimist, but this can just make it seem worse, when things go south. This is especially true of relationships where many people have little control over how things will work out. As well, being skeptical - the normal position of the pessimist - can protect you from bad things.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck
People who have luck and success early in life become optimists.
You can be both, depending on the situation.
People say to be an optimist, but this can just make it seem worse, when things go south. This is especially true of relationships where many people have little control over how things will work out. As well, being skeptical - the normal position of the pessimist - can protect you from bad things.
Ask any investor in a Ponzi scheme!
As a rule, I'm not so sure about that. I've always been an optimist and didn't have success til I was in my late 30s. It's amazing what a good divorce will do for you sometimes.
I have found that pessimism has a self-fulfilling quality about it. If you're pessimistic, whining about every lost opportunity, every wrong, and every disappointment, life has a way of dishing more up to you. And spare me the tired argument that you're a 'realist.' That's just your way of saying, "I've given up and I would rather complain than better my life."
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