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A simple I miss you and love you would have been appropriate for an email...not what you sent. This is not the type of discussion you have via email but rather face to face.
I'd be pissed to if my husband sent me that.
This is exactly what I was going to say. You really need to have some real communication with your wife. This involves face to face when each of you can give your undivided attention to each other and to the discussion at hand.
Also, if you really feel your marriage in the doldrums, it is time for a serious look inward about your expectations, and quite possibly you both could benefit from some counseling (in any form you think is appropriate, but by a professional).
I guarantee that if this email upset her the way you said it does, there is something much bigger going on thatn "nothing is wrong", which totally contradicts you saying your marriage is in the doldrums.
cpg, I always like reading your posts. And this one too. I obvously don't have a way with words. Never have. I get your point. I wish I did have a way with words.
Have you lost your cotton-picking mind? What the hell were you thinking when you wrote this?
Let's see all the possible conclusions she could have drawn from your missive:
1. Great. I'm out here busting my ass in some strange city and he's laying a guilt trip on me.
2. Great. He telling me that he's bored with the relationship.
3. Great. He's not mature enough to talk about this with me in person. Instead he throws this little bit of dynamite over the transom without my having an appropriate way to respond.
4. Great. He doesn't miss me nearly as much now when I go away.
5. Great. I'm married to a hypochondriac.
Do you see how many ways she could misinterpret this vague note? Man, next time you want to put some spark back in the marriage, why don't you try to write this a little differently? Here's an example:
My beloved.
I am so proud of you and know that you work hard for the both of us. I know that our lives have been incredibly busy lately, but I wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I love you and that I miss you when you're away. You are my soul and my reason for living, and I never want you to forget that.
You've been working awfully hard and I know how important that is. That being said, I would really enjoy nothing better than the two of us to just spend some time together, away from the office and the mobile phone, just to recharge our batteries. You deserve it, as do I.
Let's talk tonight about it. I have some great ideas.
How hard could it have been to write something like that? My God, it took me all of forty-five seconds.
I agree, this letter was not a very smart move on OP's part. Although, I do have to say, that I've read other threads from the OP and he sounds incredibly frustrated with his marriage, especially the sex part. I'm not sure if you read the thread about problems they are having. I think your version of the letter is wonderful, but I bet you, if he wrote something like that, it wouldn't be genuine on his part. I don't think OP feels like that about his wife or his marriage anymore.
I think that he could have waited few hours for his wife to get home to express himself. This is a very passive-aggressive way to approach a problem. It's a little cowardly if you ask me. He doesn't want to confront it face to face, so he writes it in the email, so when she gets home, she already read it...he can come up with appropriate response. Also, it's a little wishy-washy...(umm, the marriage is dull, yet "nothing is wrong"). So much for mixed signals.
A conversation best left to face to face interactions in a quiet setting. emailing that your relationship sucks, yeah, a bit too impersonal....I could go on and on but you get the idea.
Communication is not too good between us. Everything gets swept under the rug.
I dont' think you were completely wrong in what you wrote in the email based on this part I quoted here.
I get this. I'm assuming by this that you mean that you've attempted to broach the subject with your wife in person and she's kind of blowing you off.
If I'm incorrect in this assumption, then yes, you went about this the wrong way. If I'm correct, then you probably could have worded your email a little better AND brought up, "I've tried to discuss this with you at home, but you always seem to brush aside the topic...".
Either way, good luck. Do your best to dig out of this one and make her understand what IS wrong (rather than claiming that nothing is wrong). If you're "missing that spark and feel like you're just going through the paces", then that IS the problem and should be stated as such...
cpg, I always like reading your posts. And this one too. I obvously don't have a way with words. Never have. I get your point. I wish I did have a way with words.
You don't have to have his way with words...you just need to know that some things are better said in person. You could have just said:
I'm glad you're on your way home, I miss you on every trip. Whenever you leave I think of all the things I should have said before you left.
Call me when you get through customs.
I love you,
There are tactful ways to let people know you have something on your mind.
I don't think you should beat yourself up too much over this DFOR. This email sounds fine. It sounds like you were simply saying, "Hey things aren't what they used to be; rather than pretend they're something they're not, let's open up a dialogue." That seems pretty reasonable to me. Perhaps the timing wasn't the best (if she's away and hunkered down in work), but it still seems like a valid thing to write and send if that's how you are feeling.
I dont' think you were completely wrong in what you wrote in the email based on this part I quoted here.
I get this. I'm assuming by this that you mean that you've attempted to broach the subject with your wife in person and she's kind of blowing you off.
I have tried. And as long as she is happy, all is well. She does blow things off, that's why I tried an e-mail. Obvously didn't work out too well.
You all are helping me see the light as to where I went wrong.
mm, if I had written it the way cpg did, it would have been genuine. I only wish that it wouldn't go to her head. It would show that I cared, and I do. But I could never see her reciprocating. Thanks for keeping tabs.
She comes from a mother who I don't think really likes her husband, but loves him. I am trying to not let that happen to me.
I wouldn't be pissed but not happy you didn't bring it up to me in person. We women can be a tad emotional so hearing that can make your heart sink a bit. Just a little unnerving to hear via email. I've been married for 12 years and I hear ya, life gets in the way and sometimes you ( meaning both not just you ) take things for granted. Talking will help but actions also speak volumes. Start the dialog as well as doing fun romantic things. It still makes my heart melt to see a note my husband will sneak into my lunch that just says I love you. It's all the little things....doesn't have to be a grand gesture
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