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For those of you, who offered real advice, I thank you. For those who like to make judgments about the wrong and right of living together, I would have to say again, You really don't know the situation and the way it has been for the both of us (what we both have been through in our own separate lives) that the decision as it stands DOES NOT discount our living together as just a convenience for anyone. We love eachother very much, neither of us is religous- so we do not feel it morally wrong, and in essence it is the same thing as being married- since we are wholey committed to one another.
I do recognize many of the issues brought up, as far as finances and chores, and more importantly his role to my children. We have discussed many of these things already. I only posted here, not for validation, but for any practical advice that I may have overlooked. We are both very realistic and grown-up partners to one another, and we do think things through and talk about them openly.
I am pretty certain we will be fine, and am also pretty certain that I would not have posted this if we would have moved in together the first 2 times that it became an option (lease was due). Time has gone by and I am confident that I am with the right person, am only getting nervous because it hasn't happened yet.
For those of you, who offered real advice, I thank you. For those who like to make judgments about the wrong and right of living together, I would have to say again, You really don't know the situation and the way it has been for the both of us (what we both have been through in our own separate lives) that the decision as it stands DOES NOT discount our living together as just a convenience for anyone. We love eachother very much, neither of us is religous- so we do not feel it morally wrong, and in essence it is the same thing as being married- since we are wholey committed to one another.
Yeah, yeah, yeahy,... and how many other times were you both "committed"? It's time you started making "judgments."
On a practical note go pay an attorney and get these agreements about money in writing. How does you state handle "common law" spouses? Do you have an account you can both draw on if something happens to the other, who takes care of the children or cats if the other is not able to short term. You get the idea. Have a standin to make decisions in the event you can't.
I just thought it was weird that your kids were mentioned in the very last line, along with his cats. Whether to keep both the blenders should be the very last of your concerns.
1. Make sure you can afford the place on your own if he bails
2. Have 6 months of living expenses saved. ( i would say 3 if you are single, but kids )
3. Over a glass of win share the "i hate this" list about stuff that really gets under your skin (him too) and this is actually pretty funny when you start talking about little things you know are nutty but are just you anyway.
4. chores - I think the kids should handle the majority of these. Are they old enough? If not you can laminate a sheet and stick it to the fridge. Works for kids' checklist too
5. Pro-Rate pay the utilities (pay one month ahead)
6. If you drink make sure you have a lock-away so the kids do not get into it
7. Talk on how to handle problem days with kids
8. Discuss a plan for breaking up if it had to happen. What would you both do with where you are staying, emotions, and money.
Hey goldie hawn and kurt russel have been living in sin for years!
1. Make sure you can afford the place on your own if he bails
2. Have 6 months of living expenses saved. ( i would say 3 if you are single, but kids )
3. Over a glass of win share the "i hate this" list about stuff that really gets under your skin (him too) and this is actually pretty funny when you start talking about little things you know are nutty but are just you anyway.
4. chores - I think the kids should handle the majority of these. Are they old enough? If not you can laminate a sheet and stick it to the fridge. Works for kids' checklist too
5. Pro-Rate pay the utilities (pay one month ahead)
6. If you drink make sure you have a lock-away so the kids do not get into it
7. Talk on how to handle problem days with kids
8. Discuss a plan for breaking up if it had to happen. What would you both do with where you are staying, emotions, and money.
Hey goldie hawn and kurt russel have been living in sin for years!
If you last 25 years..well I hope to god the kids are out by then! I think that is what people are worried about.
Did you do a criminal background check on him yet?
I would do that because of yourself and the kids. Ya never know!
Thank you, very good stuff.
I am not worried in the least about my SO harming my children, as far as a criminal background- he has to have it to stay employed (works in pediatrics), so I never even would have thought of that, but I could see where you might be coming from.
Chores with the kids...yes they do some, and working on getting them to do more of them, but I am still not going to let my 10 year old cook dinner or do laundry (the cooking because it's unsafe, unless it's micro-wave dinner night), and the laundry because I want control over that. But this is something that I do need help in being more organized with my boys. Right now, their chores (room cleaning, their bathroom cleaning, trash brought out, vacuuming, and sweeping) get done, but only when I go on drill sargeant mode, and normally all at once (Saturday or Sunday). My idea is that they should be doing a little something every day of the week so it doesn't have to build and I don't have to nag them to do it (my wish would be they magically do them) ).
To the person that had to comment about me bringing up the kids and cats in the last line. Well ,that is funny, since my question was only 2 sentences. OMG! Whatever, I almost hesitated to add it in because I knew there would be soo much hatin on me; to my surprise it is quite a bit more than I really expected. I don't understand why people have to comment when they have nothing constructive to say AND I do not understand why a person whould increase someone's REP just to tell them how wrong they are and making a bad decision. I did add it in because I DO realize the dynamic of our family is about to change and this is the most vital aspect of what I am trying to figure here.
I don't really need to pour my heart out, and doing so will probably get me some more hate, but for those who need the clarification of why WE BOTH are hesitant of marriage: I was married really young (my children's father), and I know the marriage went the way it did because of our immaturity, but he left me for another woman and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. I even tried to say it was ok that we would get past it. Didn't work, too late, end of story. I waited 6 years before getting married again, and this time I had a lot more sense about me as far as knowing and understanding my own contributions to the relationship, like the importance of proper communication, etc., but this didn't stop me from being a little too accepting. I CARE too much, I give people too many chances, and they hurt me. Yes, I regret this relationship, yet still did everything in my power to save it, because I DO BELIEVE in marriage. I do think it is what we are SUPPOSED to do. But I couldn't stay married to a crazy man (he tried to kill me and if that hadn't worked I surely would have killed him).
So here I am 3 years later, and I honestly didn't think I would find someone that treats me like an equal, because it has never happened before, but here we are.
MY BF has been engaged twice, and both of them have similar stories- 1st slept with the bestfriend, and the second one was a raging alcoholic that would leave her children with him and not even check in.
All of our garbage (PAST) seems to be beside the point to me. We accept eachother totally and none of that means anything, except that we are both strong and resilient.
Thanks again for the pointers list, pitt-transplant. The hating list has been unofficial for awhile, but the top 2 have to do with his cats (litter box and hair allover everything). So, been thinking of ways to remedy/help those situations (outside of letting the cats go free in the city- I am only kidding - don't anyone get mad).
LOL..Take the cat to the groomers. Grooming well the cat cuts down on hair like crazy. Also just running a quick sweeper or damp dry mop daily or every other day. Stock up on those rip off rollers for clothing and keep them everywhere where you get dressed, do last minute checks, or pet areas.
Litter box...ugh...I hate that too. I just sweep twice a day. If I had the money I would get one of those robot sweepers and have that down by the catbox. Certain litter tracks less than others too.
For the smell you can set a few things out for smell. I would just try a few things as it seems certain stuff works better with certain cats/enviroments. But wash out the box with soap (dawn antibacterial) and hot water 1x a week. The hooded type of box really cuts down on flinging,tracking and smell. I will never go back to open boxes again.
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