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I recently seperated from my wife. We had alot of issues, alot! I came to the realization that our prioritys will always differ. We tried to work it out 3 times and NOTHING!!! This last time we been apart 5 months already. In these 5 months, ive met about 5 different girls, and i find that when im with them, im happy, but by myself im miserable! People have always said that i cant be alone, and ive come to the realization, that i cant! I hate being alone, and as much as a "poison:" my ex wife is to me, i find myself missing her and calling her when im lonely. I dont want to continue this viscious cycle! I have my 3 kids and i enjoy spending time w them, but at night i hate going to bed alone! I want to find a way to be alone but be happy and comfortable! I dont want to rush into another relationship just because im alone. I want to have time 4 myself and when the right person comes along, then ill take it from there. Ive always considered myself a relationship person, i dont like being single, even though i dont have trouble hooking up, its just not me. Alot of time i can be juggling 2 or 3 girls and its not because im a "player" its because i always want to have a backup, in case, one backfires! I know this is really selfish of me, i admit it, what can i do?
I've struggled with this myself. I've had the exact same feelings and shortcomings. I don't know what to say but best of luck.
But co-dependency can stem from various issues. Maybe you liked being with someone so much that you started to take a healthy thing and went extreme with it? Maybe you build the illusion in your brain that having a body there means something else other than company? Perhaps your parents treatment of you made you fall into the addictive traits and thank goodness its this on not crack or something else like that?
But maybe you are just not used to being alone yet? Think back to when you were very little. All the major things you had to get used to. The dark, social times with friends etc. The unknown can be a difficult thing for anyone to deal with.
But you have to ask yourself why you hate being alone and why company brings you joy. Write it down like a list. Be honest. When it is making you feel totally intense...you know you are getting in touch with a deep emotional state that you are trying to ignore.
For someone who can't live with them you sure try to be with them.
It is normal to have in interaction. I like the interaction, and companionship. However I learn not to rely on someone else for my happiness. That is my responsibility.
In my experience in life, you have to be secure and confident on your own, as your own person, and like yourself, before you can accompany another in a relationship.
Anytime I was in a relationship with a guy, and I was not secure and confident as myself, the relationship ended.
If you think about it, confidence is a huge turn on. I've not met many girls who said they like a wimpy stalker type of man who hangs on longing day after day for them. If you become accustomed to being alone, actually find a lifestyle you enjoy and can make yourself happy, the girls might flock to you.
They say things happen when you're not looking for them. There is a reason that old adage is repeated a lot in life.
In my experience in life, you have to be secure and confident on your own, as your own person, and like yourself, before you can accompany another in a relationship.
Anytime I was in a relationship with a guy, and I was not secure and confident as myself, the relationship ended.
If you think about it, confidence is a huge turn on. I've not met many girls who said they like a wimpy stalker type of man who hangs on longing day after day for them. If you become accustomed to being alone, actually find a lifestyle you enjoy and can make yourself happy, the girls might flock to you.
They say things happen when you're not looking for them. There is a reason that old adage is repeated a lot in life.
Good points ; Its when we become co-dependent on others in order for us to feel good , to have worth, to be accepted, to be a necessity in our life....that it becomes unhealthy to us and the other person.
you really should figure out why you're so incomplete without having someone in your life and do not commit to anyone until you are complete with yourself. Your relationships will be exhausting for you and anyone you choose to be with.
This nails it. You need to address THAT problem before you will ever be able to have a happy and productive relationship with anyone.
Even though this thread is 5 years old....and I am sure/hope that the OP is doing better now.
I'll give my input since I feel so strongly about not "needing" other people to complete you. I really think that this type of mindset does more harm than good. Having a person by your side should add to your happiness. Not be your happiness. It is bound to fail because people make mistakes and inevitably hurt each other all the time.
You shouldn't make it someone's job to happy, but YOURS. I used to think I needed a bf or someone to be next to me in order to be normal and because I never had one. I through that out years ago because that was adding to the misery I was already going through. Complete yourself before allowing someone else to come into your life.
I think it's really important to be able to be alone and not lonely i.e. comfortable with yourself. If you can't do this you'll be jumping into relationships that aren't good for you simply to have companionship.
Being alone is comfortable, fun, and enjoyable with simple everyday life that you experience and becomes even more fun for everybody when shared with someone special. Simple companionship is just friends but there is so much more beyond that. The possibilities are endless.
I recently seperated from my wife. We had alot of issues, alot! I came to the realization that our prioritys will always differ. We tried to work it out 3 times and NOTHING!!! This last time we been apart 5 months already. In these 5 months, ive met about 5 different girls, and i find that when im with them, im happy, but by myself im miserable! People have always said that i cant be alone, and ive come to the realization, that i cant! I hate being alone, and as much as a "poison:" my ex wife is to me, i find myself missing her and calling her when im lonely. I dont want to continue this viscious cycle! I have my 3 kids and i enjoy spending time w them, but at night i hate going to bed alone! I want to find a way to be alone but be happy and comfortable! I dont want to rush into another relationship just because im alone. I want to have time 4 myself and when the right person comes along, then ill take it from there. Ive always considered myself a relationship person, i dont like being single, even though i dont have trouble hooking up, its just not me. Alot of time i can be juggling 2 or 3 girls and its not because im a "player" its because i always want to have a backup, in case, one backfires! I know this is really selfish of me, i admit it, what can i do?
understand that you have to be happy with yourself first, before you can be happy with someone else.
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Alot of time i can be juggling 2 or 3 girls and its not because im a "player" its because i always want to have a backup, in case, one backfires! I know this is really selfish of me, i admit it, what can i do?
