WOW. I come back from work at night and all the g*ddamn action has happened.
JerZ you make a lot of very good points.
So does Fairfaxian.
!CAUTION: LONG RAMBLING POST!
I would like to throw my shoe into the pot (again) and say that the double-standard exists and will continue to exist until the end of time. There is a Theory of Everything Dating (I'm still building it in wordpad, man I'll post it one day, it'll blow your mind), but for right now I'll just throw some tidbits.
Edward Dahlberg: What men desire is a virgin who is a wh*re.
This has been true for-EV-er. It's the ultimate male fantasy, from before Christ to the new millenium. The opposite would be a f**ked out sl*t who nevertheless would not put out for you. That would be the ultimate non-fantasy. Ok, so men usually find a line somewhere inbetween, get married, etc. Eventually reality sets in, whatever. The point is, that quote basically sums up the whole double standard. Women don't necessarily want a 'bad boy,' they just want someone who is uber-confident, manly, has sexy B.O., can get away with not caring, has connections, is smooth and cocky, etc etc. Now if he also happens to be a real nice guy, he's probably married (lol). But if not, they still think that deep down he's probably got a 'good side' which they will find and nurture, so they'll eat their cake and have it too. Doesn't really work, but that's the mentality. The Nice Guy, however... There is no hope there. Does he have a confident, sexy, devil-may-care side buried in him? Probably not. He's probably pretty nice and meek all the way through. Even though he may wish he were some other way, he's not. Either his upbringing, or his genetics, or who knows... That's just how it is. Women (even feminists) like to be swept off their feet and ravished, and no real nice dude is gonna do that (it might offend her sensibilities).
The double standard is there basically because it CAN BE. Men DO hold the advantage when it comes to marriage, and they also happen to still be, on the whole, pigs. Therefore they will use that advantage, both the nice guys and bad boys. Women DO hold the advantage when it comes to sex, and really the whole dating scene. Unless you're a gay man, and then I don't have a single clue. Women set all the rules, the time limits, the how-and-when, they are the compelling reason men lie and say things like "I've never loved anyone like you" or "I feel like I want to marry you" or whatever. SO yes, in the youthful time of youthliness and youth, some men will romp and some women will romp. Then comes marriage time, and both men and women pull up to the speaker-unit at the McDonald's of Marriage, and go "Hey, what do I want?"
Ok so it's double standard time. Men want a woman who hasn't romped with a lot of dudes. Whether that be due to male territorial feelings, or something buried in our primal instincts... Something tells men not to commit to sl*ts. A hiphop artist said it best:
Don't turn a ho into a housewife... Ho's don't act right. Men ALSO want her to be someone that puts out on a regular basis. What a nightmare, to be in a committed relationship and not getting any! We all have guy friends like that. I have to chuckle whenever I hear about it, and think "Man, I'm so glad I ain't married yet." Men want this, and because it's their initiative to make a marriage happen, they hold this standard up infront of women.
Women do things to get around this, whether it is lie about their past (I've only been with two men, I promise!). Or they act like a super-super-freak, so the man will figure he is going to have a really fun sexful marriage. Or they tone down the image and start acting, dressing, and sex-ing conservatively, so the man
assumes she must have been this way her whole life, and so it is safe to marry her.
*QUICK SIDE NOTE: Not all women desire marriage. I know. I got it. Gotcha. Back to the topic*
Unless she is lucky to find a good man early on, the woman who openly shuns this standard held up for her, may find her life marriage-less. She can do two things: Hate men for their immaturity and piggish ways, and continue to flaunt her open sexuality and disdain for any standards created by men for her... And ultimately remain single. Or she can tone it down, squint her eyes and bite the bit so to speak, and just accept the fact that she will get back at that sorry bastard once he is good and committed. Which might entail lack of sex, or whatever wives do as punishment.
So the standard will always stand, even now in the year 2008, and I bet in 2018, and 2208, and on....... We can probably imagine a day when a promiscuous, dominant, liberated powerful woman can go up to a 'bad boy' that she likes, drop on one knee, and give him a wedding ring, and he will accept. And nobody will think twice about it. That might be in like... a few hundred years?
Maybe a hundred...?
Ok. So women (and JerZ) hate this standard, because they have hormones and horniness as much (if not more) than men, yet they are expected to sit on their duff in their white clothing and not act upon any of their urges, while men romp freely with the sl*ts, and finally when all is said and done the good women will be swooped up by the now more-mature guy, and happily ever after. And men hate that women hate this, because it means that after they are done with the 'wild oats' period (where did that phrase come from???), there won't really be any good women around, or if there are, they are all sexed out and used up by all the romping that happened. And this disturbs men, because deep down a lot of men, even players that have boffed dozens of women, are insecure about their ability to fully please a woman they love. If a woman has never had sex, or only with a few men, it's much easier to be a 'super-man' to her, and show her things and do things to her she hasn't experienced. Since
pride is everything when it comes to the male erection and sexuality, it's not good for a guy to get the impression that one, or two, or eighteen men in the past have given a woman a good hard f*cking that was so good it'll never be topped. Or that they made slow, tantric love to her for hours and hours, giving her all kinds of orgasms. He'd never be able to do that, even if he took classes. The list of possible shortcomings is endless, who knows what a woman has done in her 'wild years?'
Women might think "Hey! I can still love my husband and enjoy sex with him even if he isn't the greatest I've ever had between the sheet! Yes. That is all fine and good. But from a male perspective, that is like a 12 inch consolation prize shaped like another mans penis. *slap on the back* "Good job buddy, you don't even come close to being the best I ever got, but we still love you! Keep it up, one day you'll figure it all out!" Fizzle. End Pride. Deleted.
As for men ignoring the True good girls and going after the hot ones, sure that happens. But there is truth to all girls going after the bad boys. Not only did the hot women in my highschool classes go for the three or four bad boys, but the good, *normal*, maybe not so pretty girls did too. And you know, the bad boys didn't really discriminate, they nailed them all. And that trend continues until the girl/woman 'grows out of' that phase, and starts to look for the lifelong mate.
Oh, and women that have kids from these bad boy/loser/player types.. Good guys (whatever that means) don't want to raise them with you! We don't even want them born into this world, because there is a good chance (genetically) that they will grow up to be the exact same ******* jocks that everyone hated in highschool except other ******* jocks. That's another downfall of the promiscuous bad boy scoring with every girl, is that sometimes things happen and good girls get knocked up. Or they get married and divorced, and while the guy can go on and have even more kids with more suckered women, that leaves an otherwise decent woman with one or more children sired by a total *******. All the cocky baby-daddies roaming the earth, congrats. While a nice guy might have two or three kids in his life, you might have ten. Sure you lose out financially, but it's nice to know your lineage will never die out.
I think the
central fact to this whole good/bad boy/girl debate, is simply that women and men are not on equal terms when it comes to dating and marriage, and they won't be for a long time. So you get the double standard, and it bothers a lot of people, but facts are facts. It's all about free choice, and when a guy has to choose between two equally good looking, smart women... And one of the women is a virgin and the other has been with 200+ men... the choice is easy. Go with the girl that is easier to please, less likely to have a phonebook full of booty calls, less likely to compare you to anyone, less likely to get bored with your manly *stuff*, less likely to have an ex-bf that she can call up when you guys get in a fight... And on.
The worst part about it all is that when you fall in love with a woman, it's never the woman you had planned, so you have to deal with her exactly as she is. Which is why it BURNS so much that women will hook up with the bad boys, because when you finally do meet her and fall in love, it's that much more mental imagery you have to get out of your head. And it's going to be that much more awkward when you walk into a small club with your wife, and three or four men in said club have done your wife doggy-style and made her scream in pleasure. And it's going to be that much more irritating when she talks to her ex husband or bf on the phone, and she doesn't sound at all displeased with the conversation.
Preaching about abstinence, one is likely to recieve it! Better to tell women they can have sex with whomever they want, whenever they want. The less stigma surrounding sex for women, the better in the short term. Long term................... We'll just have to hope there is a woman who escaped all the romping. Or maybe we'll look for a really mature 22 year old. Those asian chicks, all they do is study in college, and become engineers, and buy up all the real estate... Maybe one of them? Nah, too focused on work. How about a hardcore church-going woman? Hmm. Our sex life will probably be missionary position, once a week, with no hope for oral or anal. Maybe a slightly less than hot chick who is really shy, and so has eluded the majority of the bad boys..? Perhaps, but then introducing her to anyone will be like introducing my couch. It won't talk for itself.
Gotta keep lookin'.
Apologies to anyone who took the time to read this. It's not all cohesive, I just cracked open a beer after work and wrote it all as it came out.
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Why do women go for the BAD BOY types?
