Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Different people have different communication styles, and listening styles. Some people are very detailed, or very abstract in their speech. The listener may be lost in details- or simply lost, if the speaker isn't reaching them. So it's not a matter of intelligence in most cases; it's just that people send and receive info in different ways. A skilled speaker will recognize that and adjust his speech to reach his audience. A skilled listener will, despite their preferred way to receive feedback, try to discern what the speaker is saying.
Before writing someone off as rude, make sure you as the messenger has made the best attempts in your communication.
I wish someone would tell my colleague this. The same theory may apply though to myself as the listener--i.e. to not write him off as rude or old-fashioned but, as I have already said, to make an attempt to learn a listening style that works better for him and ultimately for the both of us.
Nala when you interrupt are you using active listening and adding to the conversation or are you changing the subject?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
In my life I have met two men who were driven batty by my listening or conversational style--like a verbal tennis match, fluid, equal, lots of feedback from both sides, no one sitting there listening for long periods of time without being allowed input. The majority of the men and women in my life also enjoy this kind of conversation. My long-distance sweetheart loves it. It makes our conversations lively and creative. He says I inspire him and that he knows that I am listening to him--deeply. Which I am. I love him.
I am baffled by people who need other people to just sit there and be quiet while they hold forth at length and then become offended if you "interrupt." Someone very important in my life has accused me several times of not listening to him. He doesn't know me well and doesn't seem to understand that verbal feedback is a sign of listening.
Nala when you interrupt are you using active listening and adding to the conversation or are you changing the subject?
Adding to the conversation by giving examples from my own experience to try to reassure him that I agree with him or see where he is coming from. Anything anyone says while he is talking is taken as an interruption or rudeness. I've observed him during meetings as well. He cut one of my other coworker's ideas off at the knees. It's his way or no way.
I wish someone would tell my colleague this. The same theory may apply though to myself as the listener--i.e. to not write him off as rude or old-fashioned but, as I have already said, to make an attempt to learn a listening style that works better for him and ultimately for the both of us.
You are right. Humans are inherently selfish; better communication is a matter of training and recognition of respect for others.
You are right. Humans are inherently selfish; better communication is a matter of training and recognition of respect for others.
Somtimes it's easier said than done.
Yes. I think it also means taking the time to get to know and understand the person and adjust accordingly instead of making assumptions. Not all quiet people are listening. Some may be listening, while others may have learned to just shut up when you are talking. It is also not safe to assume that a person who engages in repartee or banter is disrespectful or not listening. I would have been fine with the situation if my colleague had simply told me what he needs, minus the accusations. Now that I am moving into a leadership position, I want to learn from this situation, drop the assumptions, and become more flexible. I can't change my colleague, but I can work on myself and become more attuned to which people I can banter with and which people need absolute silence in order to get their points across.
Adding to the conversation by giving examples from my own experience to try to reassure him that I agree with him or see where he is coming from. Anything anyone says while he is talking is taken as an interruption or rudeness. I've observed him during meetings as well. He cut one of my other coworker's ideas off at the knees. It's his way or no way.
In my life I have met two men who were driven batty by my listening or conversational style--like a verbal tennis match, fluid, equal, lots of feedback from both sides, no one sitting there listening for long periods of time without being allowed input. The majority of the men and women in my life also enjoy this kind of conversation. My long-distance sweetheart loves it. It makes our conversations lively and creative. He says I inspire him and that he knows that I am listening to him--deeply. Which I am. I love him.
I am baffled by people who need other people to just sit there and be quiet while they hold forth at length and then become offended if you "interrupt." Someone very important in my life has accused me several times of not listening to him. He doesn't know me well and doesn't seem to understand that verbal feedback is a sign of listening.
What do you think? What do you prefer?
As someone else mentioned, the ability to listen is such an underrated quality a person can have. This quality is something that I have always looked for in a person. Some people just dont know when to shut the hell up. Always wanting to get the last word in, or make themselves feel like they are carrying a conversation. The best conversations are with those who are able to listen (which means to be quiet and NOT interrupt the person currently talking).
Yes. I think it also means taking the time to get to know and understand the person and adjust accordingly instead of making assumptions. Not all quiet people are listening. Some may be listening, while others may have learned to just shut up when you are talking. It is also not safe to assume that a person who engages in repartee or banter is disrespectful or not listening. I would have been fine with the situation if my colleague had simply told me what he needs, minus the accusations. Now that I am moving into a leadership position, I want to learn from this situation, drop the assumptions, and become more flexible. I can't change my colleague, but I can work on myself and become more attuned to which people I can banter with and which people need absolute silence in order to get their points across.
You are halfway there if you recognize it yourself, and will extend it to others. Anybody who knows the situation will recognize the wise one and the fool in the conversation. Props to you.
Cutting someone off while they are talking is kind of rude, imo. I took a communications class in college and the professor said the same. Most people pause and give non- verbal cues that they are finished with a thought, that is when you put in your $.02. While someone is talking I just nod to show I am listening.The only time I will interrupt is if I don't understand what the person is saying and have to ask questions.
I only do the bantering style of communication when I am with close friends and I know that they prefer it. With people I don't know really well I stick to the above approach. The bantering style is more informal, perhaps he just wants to be more formal since you don't know each other well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
