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Thinking back or looking back I can definitely see a pattern: Bantering works well with friends or coworkers who are on the same level. I'm not talking about interrupting. I hope you get the difference. Even so, this style of conversation tends to not work with supervisors, bosses, teachers, trainers, managers, or parent figures--people in situations where they need you to hear them out all the way through. It doesn't work with people who have rigid ideas about gender and age roles and expectations.It also does not work with people who have been rigidly trained in twelve-step recovery, which frowns on "cross-talk." I do think we all need to be more flexible. Rigid rules can get us all into trouble or cause unnecessary misunderstandings.
bul.l.s.hit--you;re foreign; Madison is in the u.s. I was right along. Why do you deny that you are a foreign woman with problems with our culture? I'm guessing a middle easterner, who are pushy. Hey..now is not the time to cop an attitude in this country: middle easterners oare not real popular here. Be careful.
Are you talking about how counselors do their thing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
Thanks for your feedback, everyone.
.It also does not work with people who have been rigidly trained in twelve-step recovery, which frowns on "cross-talk." I do think we all need to be more flexible. Rigid rules can get us all into trouble or cause unnecessary misunderstandings.
I think a perfect example of talking too much and not being good listeners can be found on just about any episode of "Flavor Of Love" or "Chance Of Love". Lot of those "ghetto" chicks are the ones who seem to be poor listeners and always wanting to get their word in on every conversation. They would drive me crazy.
bul.l.s.hit--you;re foreign; Madison is in the u.s. I was right along. Why do you deny that you are a foreign woman with problems with our culture? I'm guessing a middle easterner, who are pushy. Hey..now is not the time to cop an attitude in this country: middle easterners oare not real popular here. Be careful.
DrummerBoy, you are one confused puppy. I am an American, born and raised. Enough said. You are entitled to your fantasies. Good Lord.
I think a perfect example of talking too much and not being good listeners can be found on just about any episode of "Flavor Of Love" or "Chance Of Love". Lot of those "ghetto" chicks are the ones who seem to be poor listeners and always wanting to get their word in on every conversation. They would drive me crazy.
"Ghetto chicks?" In NYC, you would also see this with Latina, Italian, and Jewish "chicks." So, I don't think this is about race at all. Maybe culture. My best girlfriend claims that Americans have a harder time with verbal banter than Europeans. Who knows? Anyway, once and for all, I am not talking about not being a good listener. Did you read my post, my friend? I am talking about listening while occasionally giving feedback and bouncing ideas off of each other.
Are you talking about how counselors do their thing?
lol... You are funny. No, not necessarily. I had in mind a guy I went out with for a while. We are still friends, but in the beginning things were rocky because he needed me to be quiet for long stretches of time while he spoke in depth on certain topics. We made a great compromise. He now knows that it is unfair to take the floor, so to speak, and not let anyone get a word in edgewise. I learned to let him go on for a while before gving feedback or input. Turns out he had a long history of twelve-step recovery and had it drilled into him that cross-talk is a naughty no no.
Cross-talk is a no no because why? I'm still not understanding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
lol... You are funny. No, not necessarily. I had in mind a guy I went out with for a while. We are still friends, but in the beginning things were rocky because he needed me to be quiet for long stretches of time while he spoke in depth on certain topics. We made a great compromise. He now knows that it is unfair to take the floor, so to speak, and not let anyone get a word in edgewise. I learned to let him go on for a while before gving feedback or input. Turns out he had a long history of twelve-step recovery and had it drilled into him that cross-talk is a naughty no no.
Cross-talk is a no no because why? I'm still not understanding.
In twelve-step meetings (AA, Al-Anon, CoDA) cross-talk is a no no because during group meetings theoretically it prevents the speaker from hearing his or her own thoughts out loud all the way through--without feedback, which is perceived as interference; or an attempt to control, hijack, or rescue. The problem with this is that sometimes twelve-step members try to rigidly carry this rule into their daily interactions, not understanding or remembering that a normal healthy conversation is based on give and take, speaking and listening.
Nala, you're absolutely right. Conversations need two people. I hate being in a "conversation" where all I get to do is sit and listen to someone lecture.
I had an old high school teacher that had an excellent way of dealing with those people. When someone would start rambling on about something, demanding everyone else's attention, he would calmly step back and shout, "Pork!". Yeah, it makes no sense, but whoever was talking immediately stopped and stared at him, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. He would then proceed to calmly state that he just wanted to get a word in, and that was the shortest word he could say without interrupting. It may not have been the most diplomatically correct way of doing things, but hell, it worked.
Since then, I've found myself doing something similar when occasion calls for it. I'll tell ya this much, that man was brilliant. It works every time.
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