Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,448,353 times
Reputation: 565

Advertisements

In my life I have met two men who were driven batty by my listening or conversational style--like a verbal tennis match, fluid, equal, lots of feedback from both sides, no one sitting there listening for long periods of time without being allowed input. The majority of the men and women in my life also enjoy this kind of conversation. My long-distance sweetheart loves it. It makes our conversations lively and creative. He says I inspire him and that he knows that I am listening to him--deeply. Which I am. I love him.

I am baffled by people who need other people to just sit there and be quiet while they hold forth at length and then become offended if you "interrupt." Someone very important in my life has accused me several times of not listening to him. He doesn't know me well and doesn't seem to understand that verbal feedback is a sign of listening.

What do you think? What do you prefer?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:23 AM
 
37,659 posts, read 46,092,359 times
Reputation: 57261
I think that listening is a skill that many people have never grasped.
It's certainly one that I need to improve upon. I have no problem at all, talking.

Last edited by ChessieMom; 10-18-2009 at 10:35 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:28 AM
 
13,784 posts, read 26,268,573 times
Reputation: 7446
I enjoy a healthy banter in a conversation especially when an idea is being hatched....now, I can't stand it when there is no room given to voice an opinion because there is a dominant party who will not allow discussion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,256 posts, read 8,907,310 times
Reputation: 1849
I'm a great listener, but I definitely enjoy having back and forth chatter sometimes. I'm a libra, I like balance. I'm not one-sided on too many things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,448,353 times
Reputation: 565
Thanks. Just needed a reality check, I guess. What I am describing here is healthy banter and/or back and forth chatter.

What do you think is going on the mind of a person who thinks that the listener should just sit there quietly and not speak until the speaker is ready for him/her to speak? Is it just about being domineering or some deep need to be heard?

Personally, I hate it when a listener just sits there and offers no verbal feedback.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:40 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,212,479 times
Reputation: 27242
Bantar is a preferred method, but I discovered the most effective method in actual coversation to understanding is to quietly repeat back the point or words the person just said to me, indicating I was really listening, and then explain how I can see your point from your perspective, but here's where I differ. Otherwise it's just an arguement that goes no where and rears its ugly head over and over and over through eternity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,448,353 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadreamer View Post
I'm a great listener, but I definitely enjoy having back and forth chatter sometimes. I'm a libra, I like balance. I'm not one-sided on too many things.
Ditto here. My Venus is in Libra. So this kind of co-equal balance in the conversation and therefore the relationship is very important to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,448,353 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Bantar is a preferred method, but I discovered the most effective method in actual coversation to understanding is to quietly repeat back the point or words the person just said to me, indicating I was really listening, and then explain how I can see your point from your perspective, but here's where I differ. Otherwise it's just an arguement that goes no where and rears its ugly head over and over and over through eternity.
I see your point. With people who enjoy banter, there is no need for the conversation to become an argument. But with with people like the person I have in mind here, it would help (I hope) to let him know that I am listening by quietly repeating back his main points before moving on to my own perspectives. Knowing how sensitive he is about this issue, I think I also need to slow down for him. It will feel awkward to me at first, I imagine, but I am willing to try. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,177 posts, read 20,802,195 times
Reputation: 19873
It depends on who is talking and their story telling skill. Sometimes I find myself looking someone in the eyes while they speak, nodding in acknowlegement, yet daydreaming about something else. If they aren't interesting yet continue to ramble without allowing some give and take then they've lost me. I guess that's why I was always just an average student. I found it difficult to listen when I wasn't interested in what someone had to say. When I really focused and concentrated I did much better.

Now if someone has sparked my curiosity and I really want to hear what they have to say, then I can be perfectly content just shutting up and listening. I don't feel that I always need to be heard.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2009, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,448,353 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
It depends on who is talking and their story telling skill. Sometimes I find myself looking someone in the eyes while they speak, nodding in acknowlegement, yet daydreaming about something else. If they aren't interesting yet continue to ramble without allowing some give and take then they've lost me. I guess that's why I was always just an average student. I found it difficult to listen when I wasn't interested in what someone had to say. When I really focused and concentrated I did much better.

Now if someone has sparked my curiosity and I really want to hear what they have to say, then I can be perfectly content just shutting up and listening. I don't feel that I always need to be heard.
Thank you. Nice perspective.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top