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Old 10-18-2009, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,440,989 times
Reputation: 565

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In my life I have met two men who were driven batty by my listening or conversational style--like a verbal tennis match, fluid, equal, lots of feedback from both sides, no one sitting there listening for long periods of time without being allowed input. The majority of the men and women in my life also enjoy this kind of conversation. My long-distance sweetheart loves it. It makes our conversations lively and creative. He says I inspire him and that he knows that I am listening to him--deeply. Which I am. I love him.

I am baffled by people who need other people to just sit there and be quiet while they hold forth at length and then become offended if you "interrupt." Someone very important in my life has accused me several times of not listening to him. He doesn't know me well and doesn't seem to understand that verbal feedback is a sign of listening.

What do you think? What do you prefer?
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:23 AM
 
37,496 posts, read 45,805,567 times
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I think that listening is a skill that many people have never grasped.
It's certainly one that I need to improve upon. I have no problem at all, talking.

Last edited by ChessieMom; 10-18-2009 at 10:35 AM..
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:28 AM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,221,487 times
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I enjoy a healthy banter in a conversation especially when an idea is being hatched....now, I can't stand it when there is no room given to voice an opinion because there is a dominant party who will not allow discussion.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,256 posts, read 8,890,030 times
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I'm a great listener, but I definitely enjoy having back and forth chatter sometimes. I'm a libra, I like balance. I'm not one-sided on too many things.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,440,989 times
Reputation: 565
Thanks. Just needed a reality check, I guess. What I am describing here is healthy banter and/or back and forth chatter.

What do you think is going on the mind of a person who thinks that the listener should just sit there quietly and not speak until the speaker is ready for him/her to speak? Is it just about being domineering or some deep need to be heard?

Personally, I hate it when a listener just sits there and offers no verbal feedback.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:40 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,138,646 times
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Bantar is a preferred method, but I discovered the most effective method in actual coversation to understanding is to quietly repeat back the point or words the person just said to me, indicating I was really listening, and then explain how I can see your point from your perspective, but here's where I differ. Otherwise it's just an arguement that goes no where and rears its ugly head over and over and over through eternity.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,440,989 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadreamer View Post
I'm a great listener, but I definitely enjoy having back and forth chatter sometimes. I'm a libra, I like balance. I'm not one-sided on too many things.
Ditto here. My Venus is in Libra. So this kind of co-equal balance in the conversation and therefore the relationship is very important to me.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,440,989 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Bantar is a preferred method, but I discovered the most effective method in actual coversation to understanding is to quietly repeat back the point or words the person just said to me, indicating I was really listening, and then explain how I can see your point from your perspective, but here's where I differ. Otherwise it's just an arguement that goes no where and rears its ugly head over and over and over through eternity.
I see your point. With people who enjoy banter, there is no need for the conversation to become an argument. But with with people like the person I have in mind here, it would help (I hope) to let him know that I am listening by quietly repeating back his main points before moving on to my own perspectives. Knowing how sensitive he is about this issue, I think I also need to slow down for him. It will feel awkward to me at first, I imagine, but I am willing to try. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,744,044 times
Reputation: 19861
It depends on who is talking and their story telling skill. Sometimes I find myself looking someone in the eyes while they speak, nodding in acknowlegement, yet daydreaming about something else. If they aren't interesting yet continue to ramble without allowing some give and take then they've lost me. I guess that's why I was always just an average student. I found it difficult to listen when I wasn't interested in what someone had to say. When I really focused and concentrated I did much better.

Now if someone has sparked my curiosity and I really want to hear what they have to say, then I can be perfectly content just shutting up and listening. I don't feel that I always need to be heard.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,440,989 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
It depends on who is talking and their story telling skill. Sometimes I find myself looking someone in the eyes while they speak, nodding in acknowlegement, yet daydreaming about something else. If they aren't interesting yet continue to ramble without allowing some give and take then they've lost me. I guess that's why I was always just an average student. I found it difficult to listen when I wasn't interested in what someone had to say. When I really focused and concentrated I did much better.

Now if someone has sparked my curiosity and I really want to hear what they have to say, then I can be perfectly content just shutting up and listening. I don't feel that I always need to be heard.
Thank you. Nice perspective.
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