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then why stay????? I mean besides financial issues and children being involved, but really if your dating someone and don't trust them, or whatever the problem may be...WHY stay with them?? Are so many people so weak that they can't stand up and leave a relationship for a happier life? I understand it is very hard to leave a relationship bc he/she could be the one that got away...but when your miserable why worry about one day? If you based every single decision on "one day" or "what-if" then you'll always be miserable.
I've recently taken a whole new outlook on life, just a personal decision, but I'm staying positive and I'm in this life for me and if people want to join my happy life then fabulous, if things don't work out well there is ALWAYS tomorrow!
What is it about being in a relationship that makes you so miserable that you want to stay??? Again besides the obvious like financial issues and children and such things. I'm talking people who haven't been together more then a couple years and things aren't that great in the relationship...what makes you stay in the relationship???
Because not everyone thinks and feels like you do...there are a hord of reasons why people stay...doen't make it right, but they have they're reasons...people don't have the same ideas, feelings, moral codes and values as you do.
Some people stay because of the emotional investment of years
some people fear leaving and being taken for all they have worked so hard for
some people fear and stay b/c they've been threatened...
some stay for the sake of the children
some stay, because of financial investments that would be lost and fear making it on their own and providing for their children...
and on and on, and I'm not suggesting these reasons are right or wrong, but, they are their feelings and valid reasons to them....
abusive relationships are a whole different ballgame.
the normal rules don't apply, everything is twisted out of proportion.
it's something you can't really understand unless you've been there.
i used to think the same, but now i have that t shirt, i can understand more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by valeeighty2
I've asked myself this questions many times... specially when people stay in abusive relationships... why would you put yourself and your children (if there are any) through such hell?
I agree with you and the rockety LM. Also, a couple of years is more than enough time to feel the attachment, kids or no kids.
One minute it is understandable if there are kids involved, or if they have been together more than a couple of years. The next, abuse victims are condemned for putting themselves and their kids through the abuse. There are kids involved, their marriage may have lasted more than a few years. And someone who took vows and sticks around for their kids is also "understandable". If it is wrong, it's wrong. Isn't it? Just goes to prove that no two situations are alike, and it is not as easy to pack up and bolt.
Aside from what UB and LM stated, no victim puts themself through it. Abusers put them through it and it is fear that keeps them there. And when you have a child with an abuser, it is even harder to get away from it. I could go on and on, but if you really want to know how the whys of that scenario, you can do the research.
You are correct, no two situations are alike. However, putting kids through that... I will never understand it. I do not need any research, I come from an abusive family and as I stated before, the only ones who truly suffer are the kids. At the end of the day, when it is all over, we are the ones who grow up with the nightmares, the psychologycal backlash, the insecurities, and I could also go on and on... but you could as well do your research and get back to me with whys...
Your dad was a man. The courts would have taken you from him.
Not in my country they would not have... and I would like to believe that in this country either... specially with all the sh*t my mother and her family pulled...
I understand where you are coming from, I do... but have you thought about what your son is going through? I do not mean to offend you in any way, nor do I know what kind of relationship you have, or what is it that you are going through.
But coming from a broken home, my father stayed with my mother because of us kids, and we suffered a great deal. In the end I would have much preferred my father taken us away from that witch when he had the chance instead of making us share the hell!!! just MHO...
Believe me...I have thought of every possible solution to the situation and this is the only one that will work for now.
I am sorry about your childhood. I think "the hell" you speak of is not as bad as it was. I have toned down to a distant control. I don't argue with her. I know it bothers my son alot if that happens and I keep it to a minimum. All in all, he does have a pretty good home. His mother loves me and tries to show it but I do my good acting job and keep my feelings to myself.
To say your mother is a "witch" is pretty harsh. I know your father could have just left but in this world the father gets nothing. Nothing goes to the father's way. He will be out of the picture and you would have fought the battle alone...without Dad. He stayed to protect you. He was self sacrificing and I give him alot of credit. He could have fought you Mom in court for years which could have put fuel on the flames. He could have been spending countless hours in court fighting for custody. It's not as easy as leaving the "witch." It's all a game and if you can see what he did to help you kids you will love him more today then ever.
So he left her after you guys left? Is that what happened?
i like the OP, on happy but my happy should not depend on who i marry or date.
also i dont do happy happy happy very well. usually i get hit by a truck in the parking lot on the way out from disneyland.
a little happy works better for me.
beats being a hood ornament.
imho growing roses & feeding hummingbirds is a much more reliable source of happy happy
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 10-21-2009 at 11:52 AM..
Believe me...I have thought of every possible solution to the situation and this is the only one that will work for now.
I am sorry about your childhood. I think "the hell" you speak of is not as bad as it was. I have toned down to a distant control. I don't argue with her. I know it bothers my son alot if that happens and I keep it to a minimum. All in all, he does have a pretty good home. His mother loves me and tries to show it but I do my good acting job and keep my feelings to myself.
To say your mother is a "witch" is pretty harsh. I know your father could have just left but in this world the father gets nothing. Nothing goes to the father's way. He will be out of the picture and you would have fought the battle alone...without Dad. He stayed to protect you. He was self sacrificing and I give him alot of credit. He could have fought you Mom in court for years which could have put fuel on the flames. He could have been spending countless hours in court fighting for custody. It's not as easy as leaving the "witch." It's all a game and if you can see what he did to help you kids you will love him more today then ever.
So he left her after you guys left? Is that what happened?
It really isn't. You have not met her...
I do love my father, he is my hero, he did put up with this woman for a better part of his adulthood, and he has done way too much for me and my baby sister...
She finally abandoned us about 8 years ago, and the only reason I've heard form her since is to ask for money... go figure...
I do love my father, he is my hero, he did put up with this woman for a better part of his adulthood, and he has done way too much for me and my baby sister...
She finally abandoned us about 8 years ago, and the only reason I've heard form her since is to ask for money... go figure...
Wow.
I think he taught you a fine lesson in what "love" really means.
There are so many "deadbeat Dads" that could care less about their kids but you have seen first hand what being a "real" Dad really means. Swimming shark infested waters to protect your children. Yeah, he proved to you that he loved you and would put up with this woman just to be there for you instead of abandoning you and your sister.
Hats off to you Dad!!!
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