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Have you noticed that on some women the greater and more into her you are, the the most attention you give her and such, they get too used to this and treat you like crap. then there are others in which you go out and come home every night, abuse her both physically/verbally, do drugs and such, the more they love you.
Why is that?
Have you noticed that on some women the greater and more into her you are, the the most attention you give her and such, they get too used to this and treat you like crap. the there are others in which you go out and come home everynight, abuse her both physically/verbally, do drugs and such, the more they love you.
Why is that?
I have a guy friend who I have learned not to give too much to. By that I mean I can't call him too often or email him too much because he tends to take it for granted. He'll stop making an effort when he knows that I'm always there. When I am away for an extended period of time - busy with work or just life - he comes around to me. It's a balancing act with him.
Have you noticed that on some women the greater and more into her you are, the the most attention you give her and such, they get too used to this and treat you like crap. then there are others in which you go out and come home every night, abuse her both physically/verbally, do drugs and such, the more they love you.
Why is that?
it's because women don't like fake guys. They think the 'nice' guys are just acting nice b.c they have a hidden agenda (like a relationship right away, or getting in her pants). They don't believe those guys are being real with them. (Not showing the girl their real selves)
With the abusers, they believe that they are being real... b.c what hidden motive would the abuser have in abusing someone? So they don't see them as a fake person, and like the fact someone is showing their real selves to them.
Also has to do with the hierarchy of guys to women-
1. Confident guys who are not cocky
2. Confident guys who are cocky (the abusers tend to fall in this category)
3. Nice guys who lack confidence (a girl would rather have a cocky confident guy, than a guy who doesn't have high self esteem)
Very good point the OP made. Some of those nice guys out there will tend to say only what they think you want to hear. I had an ex boyfriend who would always always be nice. I could be walking out the door with him wearing a clown costume, he'd still say I look gorgeous. Obviously, that would be a lie. If he'd lie so easily about that to keep me happy, he'd lie about lots and lots of other things to keep me happy...I wouldn't have a clue who I'm living with or how that person actually thinks. It's not necesarily about what he wants from me (getting in my pants), specially after he already gets there. It's about me needing someone around who knows it's good to be honest.
Oh yeah, and most women tend to 'know' that all only want sex, all men want to drink, all men do this and that etc....because that's mainly the way they were brought up. When a man doesn't do that, they generally think that they are hiding. Like I foolishly thought 'hey, all men cheat, so he must be doing it too but just isn't telling me'. Then I realized that most men believe all women cheat, and I haven't and have no intention too. But, hey, gotta love these stereotypes and this lack of trust between men and women. It's like we're part of a different species. When in reality we're mostly the same except for a couple of minor details. But the way we are brought up makes us feel like we're dating the enemy ('Girls will always break your heart' 'they only want your money''women don't really enjoy sex, they use it as bargaining' ' all men are pigs' 'all men will break your heart' list goes on). No wonder we're all so on the lookout for red flags, lies and such, when we're tought no matter what we do we're bound to get hurt.
Very good point the OP made. Some of those nice guys out there will tend to say only what they think you want to hear. I had an ex boyfriend who would always always be nice. I could be walking out the door with him wearing a clown costume, he'd still say I look gorgeous. Obviously, that would be a lie. If he'd lie so easily about that to keep me happy, he'd lie about lots and lots of other things to keep me happy...I wouldn't have a clue who I'm living with or how that person actually thinks. It's not necesarily about what he wants from me (getting in my pants), specially after he already gets there. It's about me needing someone around who knows it's good to be honest.
Oh yeah, and most women tend to 'know' that all only want sex, all men want to drink, all men do this and that etc....because that's mainly the way they were brought up. When a man doesn't do that, they generally think that they are hiding. Like I foolishly thought 'hey, all men cheat, so he must be doing it too but just isn't telling me'. Then I realized that most men believe all women cheat, and I haven't and have no intention too. But, hey, gotta love these stereotypes and this lack of trust between men and women. It's like we're part of a different species. When in reality we're mostly the same except for a couple of minor details. But the way we are brought up makes us feel like we're dating the enemy ('Girls will always break your heart' 'they only want your money''women don't really enjoy sex, they use it as bargaining' ' all men are pigs' 'all men will break your heart' list goes on). No wonder we're all so on the lookout for red flags, lies and such, when we're tought no matter what we do we're bound to get hurt.
It was the first thread I ever posted, I think, that talked about the same things in your second paragraph here. It just feels bizarre to me that we go at the whole "relationship" thing like, as you said, enemies or different species or something. Does it really have to be that difficult???
Well, I think some of the answers in my original post were mocking me, or commenting that I was being naive or something. (I'm in my 40s and have had more than enough of heartbreak, bs, etc.) I know we all go through hard times, and a lot of times come out feeling bitter, but it's just the whole "indoctrination," when we're young, that bothers me. It's not so much that we're told some people are this or that way, it's that girls are this way and boys are this way, BEWARE!!! Now go find your life partner, sweetheart! Good luck!
Last edited by SeaOfGrass; 10-24-2009 at 04:05 AM..
Reason: Clarity
It was the first thread I ever posted, I think, that talked about the same things in your second paragraph here. It just feels bizarre to me that we go at the whole "relationship" thing like, as you said, enemies or different species or something. Does it really have to be that difficult???
Well, I think some of the answers in my original post were mocking me or I was being naive or something. (I'm in my 40s and have had more than enough of heartbreak, bs, etc.) I know we all go through hard times, and a lot of times come out feeling bitter, but it's just the whole "indoctrination," when we're young, that bothers me. It's not so much that we're told some people are this or that way, it's that girls are this way and boys are this way, BEWARE!!! Now go find your life partner, sweetheart! Good luck!
Doesn't have to be this difficult. It mostly comes from fear of getting hurt. Letting go of that fear and realizing that your mate is not really that different (but only has a different way of behaving in certain situations due to how he/.she was brought up) would make for way better relationships.
There are so many people that hurt other people in order to feel secure. Ex: women keep their men hanging with sex for ages, in order not to get hurt. Men (humans in general) obviously need sex. So they get hurt when they don't get it. They obviously start acting bitter. Women will notice this and start acting bitter too as a response. So there you go. This happens, why? Because women are brought up to believe that they dirty themselves if they have sex, and that men will leave them if they get what they want. Men are brought up to think women are teases, and will withold sex forever. I mean, If a woman won't put out 4 months into the relationship, then the man will prolly think 'wow, if i marry her, she'll never give me sex again....'. All of us are brought up to think that we shouldn't give unless we get something in return (because otherwise we are stupid). But someone has got to start giving something
Doesn't have to be this difficult. It mostly comes from fear of getting hurt. Letting go of that fear and realizing that your mate is not really that different (but only has a different way of behaving in certain situations due to how he/.she was brought up) would make for way better relationships.
There are so many people that hurt other people in order to feel secure. Ex: women keep their men hanging with sex for ages, in order not to get hurt. Men (humans in general) obviously need sex. So they get hurt when they don't get it. They obviously start acting bitter. Women will notice this and start acting bitter too as a response. So there you go. This happens, why? Because women are brought up to believe that they dirty themselves if they have sex, and that men will leave them if they get what they want. Men are brought up to think women are teases, and will withold sex forever. I mean, If a woman won't put out 4 months into the relationship, then the man will prolly think 'wow, if i marry her, she'll never give me sex again....'. All of us are brought up to think that we shouldn't give unless we get something in return (because otherwise we are stupid). But someone has got to start giving something
Hey, you're still awake! It's 3:00 a.m. here...
Yes, I understand the fear of being hurt. And what you said about no one wanting to give something without something in return, yeah, that certainly goes for every aspect of life. Like you said, if you're not out getting the better of the other person, constantly, you're weak and a loser.
Because women want a man who can be romantic, sensitive, our hero and protector all rolled up into one. It's important utilize these characteristics at the appropriate times. By that I mean you can't be too sensitive or you will be perceived as a doormat. If you are an asshat, you will be perceived as just that... So it's about balance and not every man possess such an ability.
Women who stay with men that abuse them, physically or verbally, has nothing to do with the man but the woman's own lack of self-esteem and inability to command more respect for herself from her mate.
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It's not just women. Men are aholes too.
But, hey, gotta love these stereotypes and this lack of trust between men and women. It's like we're part of a different species. When in reality we're mostly the same except for a couple of minor details. But the way we are brought up makes us feel like we're dating the enemy ('Girls will always break your heart' 'they only want your money''women don't really enjoy sex, they use it as bargaining' ' all men are pigs' 'all men will break your heart' list goes on). No wonder we're all so on the lookout for red flags, lies and such, when we're tought no matter what we do we're bound to get hurt.
So it's about balance and not every man possess such an ability. 
