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ok so i knew this guy for about a year before i started to fancy him we where really good friends and as my crush developed into strong feelings, he was always flirting with me, putting his arms round me and play-fighting, and being protective and jealous of other guys, all my friends that had seen us together thought he really liked me and said that we seemed like we were a couple. now it got to my birthday i got really drunk, he only had a few beers, and we had sex, after that i left it a week and he just continued to talk to me as usual, until i asked him what that was all about and where he wanted to go from here, he said that he just wanted to stay good friends, when i then accused him of just using me and being a basic prick, he said it wasn't like that, he liked me, he just didn't want a relationship. so i was pretty upset. eventually our friendship got back on track, but when i saw him again he was flirting again and kissed me! i was really silly and didn't ask what the hell, so we carried on kissing for the whole afternoon, i haven't said anything about it but wen i next saw him he tried kissing me again, i ignored it and didn't say anything. so he seems like a basic ********. and he's always talking to me and supporting me if i'm going through a rough patch, offering advice and comfort. the thing is i still really like him (stupidly) and feel so comfortable whenever i'm with him, i can really be myself. i don't know whether to leave it as it is because he's going into the army soon, confront it, or i'm really tempted to just start having casual sex with him even though i'd probably get more confused lol xx
2. Get a pen and a piece of paper and write down what is important to you. Write down your goals.
3. Write down all the goods things you would get from this relationship if it goes well. Write down all the bad things you will get if it goes poorly.
4. Compare your goals to the rewards and risks of the relationship. Just look at them side by side. If many of the pros of the relationship meet your goals, it is probably worth the risk. If not, it's definitely not.
5. Once you've done the above reasoned, logical exercise, you can do what you were going to do anyway.
If he is going into the army soon then it makes sense he doesnt want a relationship. Going into the military is hard, and having to deal with a new relationship at the same time would be even harder.
Keep it light between you. Ask him if he wants you to write to him when he is in basic/boot camp. Letters are a saving grace at that time anyway! When you write to him, open up slowly and say you do care for him but not sure what he was really looking for.
ok so i knew this guy for about a year before i started to fancy him we where really good friends...
Er...
How about this, I have a novel idea for you: Quit seeing the guy.
I really don't know what kind of advice you're asking for here. The dude already told you that he didn't want a relationship. You're upset because you like the guy, and want something more.. So, you let him use you just so that you can feel wanted by the bastard. So... umm.. Why?
Seriously, forget about the bum. If you keep letting this go on, you'll only get hurt worse than you already are.
And casual sex? C'mon. If you already like the dude, and the two of you start banging away all the time, you're just going to get more attached to him. All he'll see is a big sign that says, "Free Sex, Come and get it!"
You got drunk, had sex with him, got mad because he didn't want more than that and let it pass. He kissed you, you kissed him back for an entire afternoon. He already told you where he stands; he was being honest. You have the option to go with it or not. He is not a prick because he doesn't feel the same way you do. Having sex with someone doesn't meant they are obligated to commit to you.
If this goes against what you believe in, don't do it. There are plenty of men out there who will want what you want.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 10-22-2009 at 09:59 AM..
ok so i knew this guy for about a year before i started to fancy him we where really good friends and as my crush developed into strong feelings, he was always flirting with me, putting his arms round me and play-fighting, and being protective and jealous of other guys, all my friends that had seen us together thought he really liked me and said that we seemed like we were a couple. now it got to my birthday i got really drunk, he only had a few beers, and we had sex, after that i left it a week and he just continued to talk to me as usual, until i asked him what that was all about and where he wanted to go from here, he said that he just wanted to stay good friends, when i then accused him of just using me and being a basic prick, he said it wasn't like that, he liked me, he just didn't want a relationship. so i was pretty upset. eventually our friendship got back on track, but when i saw him again he was flirting again and kissed me! i was really silly and didn't ask what the hell, so we carried on kissing for the whole afternoon, i haven't said anything about it but wen i next saw him he tried kissing me again, i ignored it and didn't say anything. so he seems like a basic ********. and he's always talking to me and supporting me if i'm going through a rough patch, offering advice and comfort. the thing is i still really like him (stupidly) and feel so comfortable whenever i'm with him, i can really be myself. i don't know whether to leave it as it is because he's going into the army soon, confront it, or i'm really tempted to just start having casual sex with him even though i'd probably get more confused lol xx
Hi longleggedjess,
If you are spending time with someone who is not going the same place you are, you are wasting time. The more time you spend with him the less chance there is you will get what you want.
Here is how I see it. A woman in her 20s and 30s is in her prime. A man's prime comes later. That is why men in that age group are often in no hurry. If they can get steady sex out of it, why commit? He might be looking for a few more just like you.
You know what he wants, he told you. I think whats confusing you is what
he says he wants, verses the way hes acting don't quite match up, but I can understand where hes coming from.
Army is a 3-4 yr commitment, possibly longer, he could make a career of it. There local changes constantly. It would be a new relationship and its probable he may not want to concern himself with someone being faithful to him while hes away, or he may not want to remain faithful to a new relationship.
Keep in contact with him, just for the simple fact, hes serving his country, they love communication from home, but I wouldn't try to take it further, if he does, I'll bet he'll let you know.
Last edited by virgode; 10-22-2009 at 11:45 AM..
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