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Old 10-22-2009, 10:47 PM
 
146 posts, read 460,995 times
Reputation: 85

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My friends and I go all the way back to highschool. They've been really great, but at the same time, I can't help but feel like they can't help me grow anymore, and that they're keeping me back.

I just recently graduated college, and I'm back home along with most of the people I knew in high school. With all my college friends gone for good, I'm at a point in my life where I want to start over, go out, explore and meet new people (especially girls)

But my friends don't want to do any of that. Whenever we've been back together, like now or on all the school vacations the past few years, all they ever want to do is sit inside, drink beer, smoke pot, watch movies and play videogames. They're like Seth Rogan's friends in "Knocked Up," minus the pickup artist and only slightly less entertaining.

They never want to go out and explore new places or meet new people. On the rare occasions I can get them to come out to a bar or a party or whatever, they're reluctant, whiny or otherwise asocial. I'm ashamed to admit, but I'm sometimes embarrassed to introduce them to new people; especially girls.

I've had ex-girlfriends ask to meet my friends, and I would always say, "nah, another time," or "nah, they're not that great." Then they would always accuse me about being embarrassed about her, so I would invite the girl to hangout with me and my friends one night, and I could tell she would just be bored and turned off.

One girl even told me one night "wow, you actually hang out with those losers?" I didn't know how to respond to that.

Eitherway, I'm single now. I would like to meet new people and new girls, but I don't think my friends can help me. They either won't go out with me or they'll be awkward and asocial on the rare occasions they do.

But at the same time, it's so hard to work up the courage to talk to and meet new people when I'm out on my own. I'm worried they'll think I'm some creepy loner or something.

What can I do?

Last edited by Brown Leather Jacket; 10-23-2009 at 12:07 AM..
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Old 10-22-2009, 11:12 PM
 
146 posts, read 460,995 times
Reputation: 85
Anyone? Please...
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Old 10-22-2009, 11:59 PM
 
146 posts, read 460,995 times
Reputation: 85
Wow, no one's been in this dilemma before?
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Old 10-23-2009, 12:19 AM
 
37,424 posts, read 45,609,203 times
Reputation: 56718
I am considerably older than you. However, all my close friends - every single one - is either married or in a serious relationship. So it is a rare thing for me to go out to the bars - which frankly, at my age, is not somewhere I want to meet people anyway.

But, I do go occasionally out by myself, if there is a band (I'm a music freak) playing somewhere that I really want to hear. If someone notices me, and they are by themselves, it makes absolutely no difference. In fact, if I were with others, it still would make no difference. If I found the person pleasant looking enough (because in a bar crowd, you have nothing else to go on) I'd talk to him.

Whether or not the person is with someone, would have no bearing on my interest. I don't see why you think it would.
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Old 10-23-2009, 12:39 AM
 
432 posts, read 602,840 times
Reputation: 176
Dude... You don't pick your friends on who a future or current girlfriend might like...

I personally would rather like it if my girlfriend DID NOT like my friends that much. (there have been numerous times when a guy lets his girl hang out with him and his friends a lot, and the girl falls for one of the dudes friends.. and then you lose not only your girl but the friend as well)

In all the relationships I and my friends have had with women... the ones that work out the best are the ones where the girl does not hang out with his friends. Maybe he'll bring her like once every 10 or 15 times we hang out...



It's not like your picking a mate on how well she likes your friends... In all reality.. friends do not last as long as marriages do.. and most people lose and go through friends like they do jobs and apartments/homes, etc..





Also.. yes, friends can hurt your dating life or your chances at picking up a lady.

For example.. if you have 5 friends in a group that you hang out with a lot, and you guys go out to parties and to bars and things... and your friends are all manly attractive studs or your the shyest person out of the group... then good chances are.. you are not going to get laid or attract a girl when you're hanging out with them.


However, if you are the best looking dude in the group, and talk a lot.. than you are probably going to be getting the ladies.. .


Ladies like leaders... and they can tell who the leaders are in groups of friends..

So you might just be better going out by yourself to places or with just one other acquaintance





and in closing-
It all just depends on if you like them as friends or not. If you don't like or enjoy hanging out with them.. than ditch em and make new friends. But don't ever do that just b.c someone else thinks their not cool..
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Old 10-23-2009, 12:48 AM
 
Location: Kansas to Rochester, NY
612 posts, read 1,837,365 times
Reputation: 371
My friends never hold back my dating life. They help me. If I see a gal I like they are willing to play "matchmaker". I actually have only one good friend as the others are away in college or have moved. If my bud likes a certain girl, then I won't pursue her. I'll help him out.

So to answer your question, No; my buds are not c**k-blockers
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Old 10-23-2009, 12:59 AM
 
146 posts, read 460,995 times
Reputation: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ManGoneADreamin View Post
Dude... You don't pick your friends on who a future or current girlfriend might like...

I personally would rather like it if my girlfriend DID NOT like my friends that much. (there have been numerous times when a guy lets his girl hang out with him and his friends a lot, and the girl falls for one of the dudes friends.. and then you lose not only your girl but the friend as well)

In all the relationships I and my friends have had with women... the ones that work out the best are the ones where the girl does not hang out with his friends. Maybe he'll bring her like once every 10 or 15 times we hang out...



It's not like your picking a mate on how well she likes your friends... In all reality.. friends do not last as long as marriages do.. and most people lose and go through friends like they do jobs and apartments/homes, etc..





Also.. yes, friends can hurt your dating life or your chances at picking up a lady.

For example.. if you have 5 friends in a group that you hang out with a lot, and you guys go out to parties and to bars and things... and your friends are all manly attractive studs or your the shyest person out of the group... then good chances are.. you are not going to get laid or attract a girl when you're hanging out with them.


However, if you are the best looking dude in the group, and talk a lot.. than you are probably going to be getting the ladies.. .


Ladies like leaders... and they can tell who the leaders are in groups of friends..

So you might just be better going out by yourself to places or with just one other acquaintance





and in closing-
It all just depends on if you like them as friends or not. If you don't like or enjoy hanging out with them.. than ditch em and make new friends. But don't ever do that just b.c someone else thinks their not cool..


I don't pick my friends based on who ever I'm dating at the time, and I don't let my friends determine who I date.

I'm just saying, eventually both worlds are going to intersect, and I don't care what my friend think of my gf at the time, but I do care what she thinks of my friends, because it really seems like a lot of younger girls are quick to pass judgment on a guy based on who his friends are.

As for being a leader-or-follower of the group in a social setting, the problem is that I can rarely get them out to that social setting in the first place, so I can neither be a leader or a follower.

But when I do bring them out, I feel like their very actions and presence (they usually go to one corner, sit down, don't move, don't talk to anybody and just stick amongst themselves) is going to drag me down with them.

They've been great friends over the years, but I'm starting to have less and less fun with them and not looking forward to seeing them like I used to, and all my college friends went home and are scattered across the country.

It just feels like a big shock; having to start over and meet new people all over again, but I haven't been particularly successful these past couple of months.
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Old 10-23-2009, 01:03 AM
 
146 posts, read 460,995 times
Reputation: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I am considerably older than you. However, all my close friends - every single one - is either married or in a serious relationship. So it is a rare thing for me to go out to the bars - which frankly, at my age, is not somewhere I want to meet people anyway.

But, I do go occasionally out by myself, if there is a band (I'm a music freak) playing somewhere that I really want to hear. If someone notices me, and they are by themselves, it makes absolutely no difference. In fact, if I were with others, it still would make no difference. If I found the person pleasant looking enough (because in a bar crowd, you have nothing else to go on) I'd talk to him.

Whether or not the person is with someone, would have no bearing on my interest. I don't see why you think it would.
That's a very mature approach at life and meeting people, but unfortunately, young early-20s women seem so catty and defensive and quick to pass judgment. Infact, I've known young women who bad-mouthed guys behind their back just based on the crowd they run with.

I'm afraid other young women are going to look at me, take a look at my friends, and assume I'm one of them; just another one in a crowd of slobs and stoners.
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Old 10-23-2009, 01:15 AM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,406,556 times
Reputation: 1473
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket View Post
Anyone? Please...
Ah, hell... Hold your horses, ya have to give people time to respond.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket View Post
My friends and I go all the way back to highschool. They've been really great, but at the same time, I can't help but feel like they can't help me grow anymore, and that they're keeping me back.

I just recently graduated college, and I'm back home along with most of the people I knew in high school. With all my college friends gone for good, I'm at a point in my life where I want to start over, go out, explore and meet new people (especially girls)

But my friends don't want to do any of that. Whenever we've been back together, like now or on all the school vacations the past few years, all they ever want to do is sit inside, drink beer, smoke pot, watch movies and play videogames. They're like Seth Rogan's friends in "Knocked Up," minus the pickup artist and only slightly less entertaining.

They never want to go out and explore new places or meet new people. On the rare occasions I can get them to come out to a bar or a party or whatever, they're reluctant, whiny or otherwise asocial. I'm ashamed to admit, but I'm sometimes embarrassed to introduce them to new people; especially girls.

I've had ex-girlfriends ask to meet my friends, and I would always say, "nah, another time," or "nah, they're not that great." Then they would always accuse me about being embarrassed about her, so I would invite the girl to hangout with me and my friends one night, and I could tell she would just be bored and turned off.

One girl even told me one night "wow, you actually hang out with those losers?" I didn't know how to respond to that.

Eitherway, I'm single now. I would like to meet new people and new girls, but I don't think my friends can help me. They either won't go out with me or they'll be awkward and asocial on the rare occasions they do.

But at the same time, it's so hard to work up the courage to talk to and meet new people when I'm out on my own. I'm worried they'll think I'm some creepy loner or something.

What can I do?
Aight.. Now I can respond.

I went through something similar, in a way, to what you describe.

I moved away from my hometown for several years. First to go to college, and then I stayed because of a job. Eventually, I went back and got in contact with all the old friends I had..

Ya know what? It was like stepping into a time warp. Not a single one of them have changed since high school. We hung out a few times, but it just wasn't the same.

So, I moved on..

Thing is, the new friends I made were completely different from my old buddies. I think that sometimes people just get stuck in one particular moment in time until something breaks them out of it, or they break out of it themselves.

I still talk to my old friends, but nothing like before. I have friends now that actually Want to do things..

Let me ask you this: Is sitting back, drinking beer, smoking weed, and watching TV a life you really want to have? Or, would you rather be out enjoying life, doing new things, and having new experiences? Think about what you want out of your life, and then answer your own question.

Sure, it's hard to make new friends.. but nobody is going to think that you're a loner or creepy - unless you really are. Seriously, it's up to you how you want to live your life.. New friends are actually quite easy to make, if that's what you really want.

Man, I wish ya the best!
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Old 10-23-2009, 09:06 AM
 
146 posts, read 460,995 times
Reputation: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I am considerably older than you. However, all my close friends - every single one - is either married or in a serious relationship. So it is a rare thing for me to go out to the bars - which frankly, at my age, is not somewhere I want to meet people anyway.

But, I do go occasionally out by myself, if there is a band (I'm a music freak) playing somewhere that I really want to hear. If someone notices me, and they are by themselves, it makes absolutely no difference. In fact, if I were with others, it still would make no difference. If I found the person pleasant looking enough (because in a bar crowd, you have nothing else to go on) I'd talk to him.

Whether or not the person is with someone, would have no bearing on my interest. I don't see why you think it would.
Also, you're a girl, and guys don't judge girls by the same standards that girls judge guys.
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