Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've had many relationships with men, including a short marriage (no children).
It all boils down to the fact that after scanning over my entire life, I noticed that every time I was with men, even nice ones, I would put my life on hold or not take good care of myself the way I should. I would, in trying to make him happy and make the relationship work thru compromise, end up not pursuing my own dreams and sometimes, not even being myself.
Believe me, I was never with controlling men or anything like that. But to make any marriage or relationship work, there is compromise (for both sexes). That cannot be helped. And if that is something people are willing to do in order to gain intimacy and companionship, that is wonderful -- for them. For me, I do not feel lonely enough I suppose that makes it worthwhile to sacrifice my own personal growth, dreams, endeavors, and freedom.
After going thru health issues and slowly recovering from it, I had to stay off the dating radar for 2 yrs. But it turned out that having done so eliminated the emotional rollercoaster ride of being in a relationship. I find myself not only happier, but finally FREE. That is, I can look at an attractive guy and NOT WONDER if he may be single, or would he like me. I can be relaxed enough to talk to him and treat him like a human being and potential lifelong friend. And have no interest in him outside of being respectful of who he is as a PERSON, not as a potential date or husband. Friendships usually last longer anyway than most relationships and marriages. This is so much healthier to have.
Plus, I can talk to any guy and won't have to worry about my boyfriend or husband getting jealous. Also, I myself don't have to get jealous if my bf / hubby talks to any female. No more jealousies, not even little ones. No more having to do things I don't want to do. No more making him do something he doesn't want to do. No more wondering if he's going to call me. No more conversations with my female friends overanalyzing his every word and move. No more stresses on dating and frustrations over it.
I know I'm not the only one. A lot of men and women are doing this. At any rate, I just want everyone to know that if you've been experiencing heartache, rejection, pain, torment, restrictions, suffocation, or feelings of imprisonment due to either being in a relationship or being alone, consider celibacy (or some form of it, if you can let go of sex and not fulfill sexual desires). It can do wonders. You get to know yourself even better. You get to love yourself (not in a selfish way of course), spend more time with your family members and both female and male friends, and increase quality time with EVERYONE, because you HAVE time.
Most important of all, it has allowed me to practice universal love, where I can be available to appreciate every person I encounter or come across and not have to limit myself. I feel that I am able to practice a higher form of love. And of course, take better care of myself and not having do the full-time job of maintaining one exclusive relationship.
I've had many relationships with men, including a short marriage (no children).
It all boils down to the fact that after scanning over my entire life, I noticed that every time I was with men, even nice ones, I would put my life on hold or not take good care of myself the way I should. I would, in trying to make him happy and make the relationship work thru compromise, end up not pursuing my own dreams and sometimes, not even being myself.
Believe me, I was never with controlling men or anything like that. But to make any marriage or relationship work, there is compromise (for both sexes). That cannot be helped. And if that is something people are willing to do in order to gain intimacy and companionship, that is wonderful -- for them. For me, I do not feel lonely enough I suppose that makes it worthwhile to sacrifice my own personal growth, dreams, endeavors, and freedom.
After going thru health issues and slowly recovering from it, I had to stay off the dating radar for 2 yrs. But it turned out that having done so eliminated the emotional rollercoaster ride of being in a relationship. I find myself not only happier, but finally FREE. That is, I can look at an attractive guy and NOT WONDER if he may be single, or would he like me. I can be relaxed enough to talk to him and treat him like a human being and potential lifelong friend. And have no interest in him outside of being respectful of who he is as a PERSON, not as a potential date or husband. Friendships usually last longer anyway than most relationships and marriages. This is so much healthier to have.
Plus, I can talk to any guy and won't have to worry about my boyfriend or husband getting jealous. Also, I myself don't have to get jealous if my bf / hubby talks to any female. No more jealousies, not even little ones. No more having to do things I don't want to do. No more making him do something he doesn't want to do. No more wondering if he's going to call me. No more conversations with my female friends overanalyzing his every word and move. No more stresses on dating and frustrations over it.
I know I'm not the only one. A lot of men and women are doing this. At any rate, I just want everyone to know that if you've been experiencing heartache, rejection, pain, torment, restrictions, suffocation, or feelings of imprisonment due to either being in a relationship or being alone, consider celibacy (or some form of it, if you can let go of sex and not fulfill sexual desires). It can do wonders. You get to know yourself even better. You get to love yourself (not in a selfish way of course), spend more time with your family members and both female and male friends, and increase quality time with EVERYONE, because you HAVE time.
Most important of all, it has allowed me to practice universal love, where I can be available to appreciate every person I encounter or come across and not have to limit myself. I feel that I am able to practice a higher form of love. And of course, take better care of myself and not having do the full-time job of maintaining one exclusive relationship.
It sounds like you've reached a point in life where you're comfortable with who you are, and more important, you KNOW who you are. That's something that people struggle with all the time, so count yourself among the enlightened - so to speak.
I don't know about the whole celibacy thing though. There's a thousand roads to self-discovery, and I think that's just one of them.
Either way, I wish you the best in everything.. It sounds like you have it all figured out for yourself.
Excellent!!
I , too have been celibant since 2005 , it has worked wonders.
I have ceased communications with certain friends due to them being in relationships yet being infidelous.
Growing weary of constant queries regarding my lifestyle , I've become a bit of a xenophobic soul searcher - traveling the lands to find inner peace. Too bad out of all the interesting souls I've met , they shun me regarding the aforementioned.
When I dissoluted from my ex girlfriend in 2005 , that was it for me.
So , yes , I too find it liberating to be free. And not from the usual POV you may hear from men with the 'women are a ball and chain mentality'.
Peace.
[quote=etacarinae;11310669]Excellent!!
Too bad out of all the interesting souls I've met , they shun me regarding the aforementioned.
quote]
...that they would shun you if they are so-called spiritual. Some of the most spiritual people in history were celibates, i.e. monks or nuns. This is a way for them to concentrate and focus on their spiritual path. Sex becomes a distraction -- and it is.
Glad it works for you all and that you've found peace with your lifestyle. Personally, celibacy would never work for me and I find peace in the physical connection I have with my significant other
So the Op feels that she has to be celibate to be independant and happy? She cant have the joy of sex without becoming involved in a serious relationship with the person she is having sex with? Sounds like the OP is confusing sexual satisfaction [even if it is fleeting and temporary] with love. How sad. Thats kinda like cutting off your nose to make your face look better. But....to each their own.
I've had many relationships with men, including a short marriage (no children).
It all boils down to the fact that after scanning over my entire life, I noticed that every time I was with men, even nice ones, I would put my life on hold or not take good care of myself the way I should. I would, in trying to make him happy and make the relationship work thru compromise, end up not pursuing my own dreams and sometimes, not even being myself.
Believe me, I was never with controlling men or anything like that. But to make any marriage or relationship work, there is compromise (for both sexes). That cannot be helped. And if that is something people are willing to do in order to gain intimacy and companionship, that is wonderful -- for them. For me, I do not feel lonely enough I suppose that makes it worthwhile to sacrifice my own personal growth, dreams, endeavors, and freedom.
I don't believe being in a relationship means you have to sacrifice these things. If you found that you sacrificed them in your relationships, that is your own fault, not necessarily the nature of relationships. A healthy relationship should nurture and encourage these things.
Quote:
Plus, I can talk to any guy and won't have to worry about my boyfriend or husband getting jealous.
So can I and I'm married. There are plenty of men out there who would not get jealous over you simply talking to another man. You say none of the men you've been with have been controlling but this kind of thing sounds pretty controlling to me.
I'm glad that you have found contentment, happiness and peace so I'm not saying your decision is "wrong" - whatever works for you, works for you. But I still find it sad to see someone who feels it's impossible to retain individuality and independence in a relationship because it is very possible and a wonderful thing when you find it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Interesting...
