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Not sure I understood your comment. Are you saying that meeting someone and having an instant complete connection, is the only way (for you) to find the "right" person? As opposed to:
1) slowly developing an attraction to someone you already know (that's happened to me, though it's always with taken men ) or
2) simply slowly growing closer to someone you start dating, and eventually falling in love after much time passes. This seems to me the most common occurrence for most.
Is that what you meant?
Yes, that's what I meant. People (not only romantic prospects) don't usually "grow" on me. I either like them instantly or I never do. I do get disappointed in some I initially like, but rarely change my opinion about those I dislike.
I can't even imagine "dating" somebody I feel lukewarm about...
Have you ever experienced an immediate and complete connection with someone, within just a few days? One where you felt that this person could be "the one"? I'm NOT talking about a sexual hookup either, so throw out those experiences.
Have you, or anyone you know, ever experienced this? Did it last? Or did it burn out just as quickly?
My first wife...I fell in love with her first time I saw her.
We were married five years later. We were only married for five years tho..
The problem was that I was going with here sister when I saw her for the first time...LOL
I thought I knew what love was but it turns out I dont...all I can figure is that love hurts worse than anything ever.It is always temporary and it is very selfish.Love knows all boundries and takes all people as prisioners.LOve is cruel.love is a joke.
Yes, that's what I meant. People (not only romantic prospects) don't usually "grow" on me. I either like them instantly or I never do. I do get disappointed in some I initially like, but rarely change my opinion about those I dislike.
I can't even imagine "dating" somebody I feel lukewarm about...
Yeah...lukewarm doesn't work too well for me. I mean there HAS to be some attraction...I have to have something to build on. Heck I met one guy that I had emailed for weeks and weeks, as friends only, because he lived too far away, and then he met someone and fell head over heels. Then she dumped him, we talked on the phone, and decided what the heck, we'd meet. No attraction...at ALL. Nothing. Zip zero nada.
But I wasn't talking about just the attraction in my question either. I'm talking about one where you totally connect with someone, after just a few hours together. It's a rare thing I guess.
I'm talking about one where you totally connect with someone, after just a few hours together. It's a rare thing I guess.
Well, actually that's what I was talking about as well as the links, if you took a look. I also can't go for looks alone without a personality click, which basically is that feeling of "I've known you forever" and "we're so on the same page," which essentially comes down to that "imago," which comes down to your mirror image and all that jazz of really liking yourself... I also believe the attraction even to the looks is deeply preprogrammed. Many good looks can leave me completely cold. It's about certain features ingrained in each person's mind as appealing - be they the features of parents, past lovers, or whoever else had influence on you at some point in your life. Read that book, if you'd like. It's pretty interesting.
And... if you're easy to live with, you'd probably end up with another person who's easy to live with; if you're not, you're gonna end up living with a carbon copy of yourself and the power struggle begins! I guess it's true that likes attract likes. I've the feeling you know what's that about from your experience with your ex-husband.
And... if you're easy to live with, you'd probably end up with another person who's easy to live with; if you're not, you're gonna end up living with a carbon copy of yourself and the power struggle begins! I guess it's true that likes attract likes. I've the feeling you know what's that about from your experience with your ex-husband.
Yeah, to a degree. That relationship was one that was built on lust. Pure and simple. It grew beyond that certainly, but there were so many things we overlooked in each other just because we couldn't keep our paws off each other. I hope to God and whoever else is up that I wouldn't make that mistake again. I'm past that point, I hope, where a good romp will dim everything else.
Yeah, to a degree. That relationship was one that was built on lust. Pure and simple.
You need one built on Trust, pure and simple. Caring for and knowing the person you are with is a million times better than being with any random number of "hot" people who you don't give two ****s about!
I'm past that point, I hope, where a good romp will dim everything else.
I doubt it. I think in some ways you're like me. It's not about the romp per se... It is definitely easier to live with people with a different temperament than us. Believe me, I've basis for comparison! Most of the time we don't find them appealing, though. I found my last ex on a specific nationality site because I'd already figured out mainstream Americans (unless maybe they hail from a certain region in Europe and are not too removed from their heritage) just don't do it for me. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with them, but that's how it is. That's what this "imago" is about.
If I am to really fall for somebody, it's gonna be somebody with similar looks, temperament, experiences, tastes, outlook, etc. I don't care what anybody says about stupid equal opportunities. It just can't happen. I'd imagine you feel the same way about certain people and there isn't much one can do about it unless you go against your grain for some reason, but you've no reason to. These are the people you feel "at home" with, even if they're wrong for you.
I doubt it. I think in some ways you're like me. It's not about the romp per se... It is definitely easier to live with people with a different temperament than us. Believe me, I've basis for comparison! Most of the time we don't find them appealing, though. I found my last ex on a specific nationality site because I'd already figured out mainstream Americans (unless maybe they hail from a certain region in Europe and are not too removed from their heritage) just don't do it for me. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with them, but that's how it is. That's what this "imago" is about. .
Temperaments that are too far off from mine turn me off - I don't think they'd be easy to live with at all. I don't care for high-strung, type-A, nor do I like lazy so-laid-back-they-fall-over types. I agree that I naturally look for similar interests and traits....it seems simply natural to do that for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
If I am to really fall for somebody, it's gonna be somebody with similar looks, temperament, experiences, tastes, outlook, etc. I don't care what anybody says about stupid equal opportunities. It just can't happen. I'd imagine you feel the same way about certain people and there isn't much one can do about it unless you go against your grain for some reason, but you've no reason to. These are the people you feel "at home" with, even if they're wrong for you.
I somewhat agree. But I have such a wide variety of experiences and tastes...it's not very difficult to find someone that is a "subset" of what I like in that respect. But having most of them being met in one person, that is something else. That is highly irregular in my experience.
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I also believe the attraction even to the looks is deeply preprogrammed. Many good looks can leave me completely cold. It's about certain features ingrained in each person's mind as appealing - be they the features of parents, past lovers, or whoever else had influence on you at some point in your life. Read that book, if you'd like. It's pretty interesting.
that I wouldn't make that mistake again. 
