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Wow..I thought mine break up was really bad...but yours is almost an equivalent. I was in a relationship with a guy for 6.5 years, he didn't take me out on dates, probably 10 over the course of 6 years, worked 12 + hours day, and when ever he has time he went to the gym with his friends, when ever we had problem he talked to his friends Mean while, I waited until 2am 3 am for him to get out of work and see him sometimes, or just come to see him all the time, didn't even go out on the weekend to see him at his work place, we broke up for a very long time once, and I dated one other guy, the whole time I was faithful, even when I was not with him..long story short, we broke up after 6 years when he told me to tell his family member that we are just friends at his uncle funeral- this is the guy who gave me a 150 ring and asked me to married him- Yes I was young, and in love- Im not fat or ugly- I have a college degree, slim, and cute by most standards.... well I broke it up and we stay friends, then one day - he finally told me day that if he finds someone then I have to get out of the picture because she will not like that, not even if we are friends for the next 5 years. So I ended everything there and then...6 months later, I found out that he's trying to get with someone else that his friends approved...you like my story? are you laughing?
Wow, you threw away six years on a guy who treated you so indifferently? Lesson learned, I hope.
As Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you. Noone can treat you like crap unless you allow it. It is very difficult, but you must look in the mirror and think about why you allowed her to treat you the way she did, and fix what it is about yourself that causes you to allow this type of thing to happen. I know we all like to say the other person hurt us, but the truth is they can only hurt you if you allow them to make you feel badly about yourself.
As for her, she sounds like someone who has a problem with alcohol and is crying out for help. And if there's one thing I have learned, you can't fix other people. Only they can fix themselves.
So the lesson here is...don't get involved with people who are broken and need fixing, date people who are happy, confident, and successful, and you won't have the drama.
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
Alright, well I have to share mine with someone, but it's a fresh wound so while I'm sure some people will laugh (I always chuckle at other people's bad stories, lol), it is pretty hurtful right now...
So my relationship was pretty rocky over the past few months, she is just one of those types of girls who was always impossible to please, where everything I did was never enough because there was always one little thing I didn't do. I would take her to dinner, buy her drinks, have a good time, but I didn't get her flowers. Or I'd take her to the beach, pay for everything as usual, get her this little pink bear she wanted, got her some taffy, but there was one thing apparently I didn't get her that she had to point out. It was very frustrating. I should have ended the relationship after a drunken night at my house for July 4, where she ran around naked in front of my friends for several hours, we tried to put her to bed, didn't work, she threw beer in my face because she said I didn't tell her when the grande finale for fireworks was (she watched it, she was just too drunk to remember), she propositioned my friends, she told me she'd cheat on me if I didn't marry her, she accused me of not loving her, etc.
Anyway, so I go back home, because it's a long distance relationship, and pay for a $500 ticket to visit her, this is after the first breakup, when we got back together a few weeks earlier. We had communicated better and I thought were working some things out. The first few days went mostly really well, I mean at least we seemed to have fun and there were no arguments, but she did say some mean things to me when she was drunk. I happened to mention this online game I thought was fun and wanted to show her it for 5 minutes, then she said, "Whatever, you never pay attention or care during sex anyway, you're just bad at it." I have no idea at all what that had to do with what I said, lol. So I was just like, "Umm... huh?" I thought we were having a great time that night before she said that, so it was very weird.
Two days into the trip, she calls me before we were going to go mini golfing with friends and dumps me. No reasons given, just says she doesn't feel it's working out. I told her it would have been lovely to know that before I paid $500 for my plane ticket.
Later that night, at the bar with my friends, already pretty disturbed about the whole thing and just how horrible and used I felt, she texts me and says she cheated on me. Then she proceeds to tell me she cheated on me 8 times with 3 different guys, over the course of the relationship, as far back as just 6 weeks after we were bf-gf. She even rubs it in like, "Yeah it was amazing with the last guy, he was great at sex," and throws out everything you can imagine -- she thinks I am gay, I have a small dick, I suck at sex, I was a horrible boyfriend, you name it.
I've never seen or experienced someone being so cruel to someone else, especially when you break up with them, then you admitted you cheated on them, and then you proceed to insult them and show no remorse? It was truly unbelievable and I'm still having trouble putting my mind around it all. This was Wednesday that most of that went down, but since then she has still tried to start arguments with me despite me deleting her from my phone, Facebook, etc. (to be fair she deleted me from one Facebook account, but I have two, I deleted her from my personal account first).
I think it's the worst because of just how much money I spent on her and trying to show I cared however I could, by actions, by words, any way that I could, she was the first girl I ever said "I love you" to and she just tore me apart basically. She claims she was "black out" drunk the first time she cheated on me, as if that makes it ok. I think she has a definite problem with alcohol -- reckless decisions, bad judgment, binge-drinking, these pretty much all fit the bill!
Her big deal, I'm not joking here, was an argument about the New York Yankees. I'm a big Yankees fan (happy we made the World Series!), and what I told her, because I wasn't supposed to come back home this month at all, was, "Hey I'd really like to see you during your fall break, that would be fun. I just wanted to let you know at least so you don't get mad or something when I'm there that I am pretty sure the Yankees will be playing when I'm back home, it'll probably just be 2-3 games in 5 days, but I want to watch those games so we'll have the rest of the day to do whatever. I told my other friends I'm coming back just to see you!" This argument somehow went on days, but she was like, "Look if you're just going to watch the Yankees all day every day don't even bother coming back." I thought huh? Hun, it's only a few games. But she had repeatedly complained about all of my hobbies, as if she wanted to be THE only thing in my life. I have a fairly new friend here who has a cool group of guys he hangs out with, but whenever I'd go over there she would say, "Oh so you're going to your new boyfriend's house huh?" I just thought what? It's a big deal because I like hanging out with a friend at his Hollywood hills house and his brothers, other friends, etc. and having fun? Umm ok. So then the Yankees thing continued because she kept saying I shouldn't care about the games at all if I'm with her, I can watch highlights later, who cares about watching the games, blah blah etc.
I don't think she gets sports at all, but if she wants to date men, she's going to have to learn that men mostly all love sports, whether it's one sport or another, or several. She told my friend that her cheating was justified "because he cheated on me with the Yankees, basically." Hahaha, wow, I just could not believe this girl.
I admit that I'm just really in bad shape right now, because even though not much gets to me, just the idea that someone could pretend to be sweet to my face and over the phone and whatnot so many times, and yet be cheating on me, that's really awful. She has tried telling my other friends all of these horrible lies about me, and basically putting me down to everyone.
I'm getting my revenge now, but I won't post it in public until it's done. Let's just say it's pretty amusing, and "revenge is a dish best served COLD."
Hey, I know the original purpose of your thread, but man, it's hard for me to feel sorry for you when you saw all of this and still stuck with such a mean loser.....
I've had to learn the hard way myself, a few times in life, but I hope I'm strong enough to say no way Jose to someone like that, unless it was strictly for sex only.
When I left my ex after he pushed me over following a night of arguing, he made my life hell for about a year afterwards.
Everything I had ever confided in him, all my deepest darkest secrets, he more or less shouted from the rooftops, and I had to get a restraining order out on him and this other woman (nutcase) who was constantly calling me and leaving abusive messages.
I lost all our mutual friends as he had manipulated them and turned them all against me. In time they all came to see that HE was in fact the bad guy, not me. After many apologies all these years later I am still mending friendships with them. The only person who was there for me through it all was my now boyfriend.
The most unpleasant, unexpected breakup I've experienced was with a girl who I'd started seeing maybe two years after breaking up with my ex-fiance. She was very attractive - half Mexican, half Chinese, super-busty, and we had remarkably similar personalities. I was totally into her. She had a kid, which didn't bother me at all, though I told her that I didn't want to meet him till we'd been dating for awhile. My rationale was that the kid had already been abandoned by his dad, and she'd had another boyfriend who dumped her after that, and so up to that point her son (who was just shy of three at the time) had only ever seen guys come and go. I didn't want to be a part of that for the kid; I didn't want him to grow up with the impression that it's normal to do this to a woman.
Luck would have it that despite telling her this, she sprung the kid on me on our third date when I went to pick her up from her mom's (who was babysitting the son for the night). We got along immedeately and for the next few months, I got very attached to both of them: we had our nights out alone together but I took them out to the movies, got him presents for his birthday, and after awhile started sleeping over there often enough that we discussed moving in together.
One night we took him over to grandma's and went out together, and she told me that he asked if I was "his new dad." I started crying because I was so touched. I didn't cry when my grandparents died, I don't cry when I get severely injured, but I nearly had to pull over when she told me that...
So then on Valentine's day, we had plans to go out to dinner. I'd bought her a dozen roses, and we were going to meet up after work. She called me and sounded down, then proceeded to tell me that her ex had shown up earlier: he had gone to anger management classes, was sober, had been holding down a job for three months (real winner, huh?), and wanted back for another chance. Before this, she'd heard through friends that the guy was really upset when he found out that his son was "being raised by a white boy," and I guess this was part of the catalyst for it (they both had grown up in East LA, so word got around). She told me that she really loved me a lot, but that he was the father of her son - who had recently become very interested about this whole concept of "a dad." She also told me that it was like a dream come true to her: that he'd cleaned up, and that she felt the same way she did before their son was born, when things started going downhill. And that was that.
I walked to work up Main Street in Santa Monica and handed out the roses to couples who looked particularly happy or sweet to me; I didn't tell them why because I didn't want to ruin their valentine's day, and I didn't want the flowers to go to waste, so I hope that there are twelve couples out there who have a nice memory of that day... that hope erased most of the hurt that I felt at the time.
She called me back a few months later because he started drinking again, lost his job, and got drunk and threw a Playstation controller at their son because he wanted them to play together. The son also would talk about me, and ask if I could come over because I read him stories and did fun stuff with them, so the dad threw out all the toys I'd gotten him. She wanted to get back together with me, but I couldn't... how could I ever trust her again?
Talk about a lose-lose situation :/ I think I spent about a month straight listening to nothing but Joy Division.
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
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A good reason, why not to get involved with alcoholics, or put them on serious "probation" (like attending AA meetings religously) even if you do love them.
haha, wow this thread is still alive, interesting.
I talk to my ex now, I'm really not sure why, I've deleted her from my life several times because she was rude and negative, but eventually she somehow contacted me again saying how sorry she was about everything and blah blah she misses me, etc.
Anyway, bottom line, some people here were right -- it's not worth the negative energy to hold a grudge against someone else, essentially. That's the biggest reason why. I have friends who ask why I still talk to her. Why? Because I am big enough to still talk to her. I'm that strong and that secure. Yes, I can talk to an ex who cheated on me and treated me horribly, because she's still a person and I have way too much positive energy to hold negative feelings about people for too long. It's simply NOT worth it. I have only so much energy in life in general, and I want it all devoted to positive pursuits, not to remembering horrible incidents and holding grudges. It's like the greatest revenge, where you forgive your adversaries. It's like yes, that's right, I'm big enough, I'm mature enough, to forgive you, even for the horrible things you did. It's like I had a freshman English teacher who was extremely rude and discouraging, at a formative time in my learning, and I used to hate her and wish horrible ills upon her, until I realized only a few years later that she wasn't worth the energy and that hate is a negative emotion, it really is "the Dark Side." What I really wanted to do is hand her a copy of my published book, since she said I wasn't qualified for English II accelerated, and say, "I forgive you." But I know I got the greatest revenge of all, since my junior and senior English teachers loved me, and my junior teacher got my first book devoted to him, so I know they spoke about me positively and she knew I found a literary agent, and the revenge was mine -- through positive actions.
My ex is much the same way. If anything, I feel sorry for her. I treated her really well, and since then, she has dated other guys who have treated her poorly and I don't think she realized that with me, she had a good guy who cared about her a lot. What she did to me still hurts, for sure, that will probably always be there, but I'd rather not harness that as negative energy against her, I'd rather let what she did be her flaw. It was certainly not a reflection of me or how I treated her and I won't let it be, either. I wish her the best, whatever it is she is looking to find, and we are friends now somehow. I would say it is unease, in the sense that I don't really trust what she says and I can't ever really respect her again, but I don't hate her either and I don't dislike her even. I just think it's unfortunate that I see her as fallen, basically that the innocent and sweet girl I started dating is gone, probably forever, and that's a bit sad but it's her life.
I heard she could pull a rabbit out of it. LOL I shouldn't have said that
LMAO! BEST LINE EVER...Wish I could rep you again!
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