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if one person is in the mood, and the other does not want to participate, an excellent solution is to have her hold you while you do your thing. There is still the closeness of a couple without the pressure to force someone to do something they don't want to do. It's bascially doing the self-pleasure thing with her as an audience or holding you. For lots of people this is a win-win situation, because she doesn't have to feel guilty for not having sex, she is there for you, you get to have intimacy being close to her, and for many people it is erotic to watch their partner getting off.
if one person is in the mood, and the other does not want to participate, an excellent solution is to have her hold you while you do your thing. There is still the closeness of a couple without the pressure to force someone to do something they don't want to do. It's bascially doing the self-pleasure thing with her as an audience or holding you. For lots of people this is a win-win situation, because she doesn't have to feel guilty for not having sex, she is there for you, you get to have intimacy being close to her, and for many people it is erotic to watch their partner getting off.
Yeah, but what if I don't want to get "stuff" on me either?
I have young kids, I go to school full time, and I work full time. My boyfriend is unattached and has a cushy office job....yet I am the one who is begging for intimacy. He is a healthy man! I just can't get him to initiate sex...and when we finally do have sex, he just lays there. Most the time he gets too stressed out and will lose his erection in the middle of the act because he is thinking too much about how his nose is runny or some other ridiculous thing. It is so frustrating. So it is not all about men not getting it from their wives who are working, cooking and cleaning, and raising the kids all day. Sex is a de-stressing tool for me.....well, it used to be anyway.
Well, since this old thread was revived by a first timer............I'll chime in with my thoughts.
Hopefully, both partners in the relationship are understanding about the other's needs, wants, and moods. What is needed is that the person with the higher libido must understand that if their partner doesn't want it is much as they do its okay and not to get upset and think "Oh you never want to do it...blah blah blah....". For the lower libido'd person, they need to understand their partner as well and not get frustrated and think "Oh, all you ever think about is sex...blah blah....."
The solution is that the lower libido person to just give oral pleasure to the higher libido person until they are done. Problem solved. Person 1 gets the intimacy and "sex" they wanted, and person 2 while not up for the act of sex itself, feels great that they didn't have to do it, and they are happy that they made their partner happy. Everyone wins in this situation.
If this doesn't happen, it would be better to end the relationship because there aren't too many things in this world that causes relationship unhappiness as mismatched libidos. Better to find someone who matches you. Or, find a person who is loving and caring who will follow my "win-win / everyone is happy" approach above.
So last night, I told her I have desire for her. And the choice is hers. If she does not want, then it's just lost opportunity for us to be closer in intimacy.
Not sure about your girl but if my partner looks at me and tells me he wants to sleep with me, it is like turning the switch (which is always half on) completely off. Especially when I watch tv and he says "want to have sex now?" So unsexy!
If he would just come over and do SOMETHING TO ME, it would be hot like an iron. It could be as simple as me doing dishes and he hugs me from behind, pressing his boner on me (given that it is longer than his belly).
If he would just come over and do SOMETHING TO ME, it would be hot like an iron. It could be as simple as me doing dishes and he hugs me from behind, pressing his boner on me (given that it is longer than his belly).
How do you handle such conflicting libidos in your R?
I replaced her with someone who's better matched. We are both much happier. I think that it is very, very rare for couples to find a solution to significantly mismatched libidos. Compromise doesn't work, or doesn't last for long. Unless there is a hormonal or psychological reason for the low/high libido, it can't be fixed for the vast majority in this situation. You either accept it and learn to live with it gracefully, or move on.
3 weeks ago, I started my hormone replacement therapy to get my testosterone levels back up.
Over the past 5 days, I've done a lot of physical work: gym, painting the fence, and more gym workout.
We did have sex last Thursday morning, and Saturday night. But Sunday night and Monday night, I was feeling frisky. But wife was not interested. The opportunity for us is there, but she isn't in the mood and said that we done it already.
Anyway, I've handled it badly before (in the past) by withdrawing from her, and withholding any affection of even initiating conversations.
So last night, I told her I have desire for her. And the choice is hers. If she does not want, then it's just lost opportunity for us to be closer in intimacy.
It took me a while longer to finally fall asleep. But I feel like my old self without the old bad behaviors. I just find it sad for such loss opportunities.
How do you handle such conflicting libidos in your R?
What about her, is she on HRT? If so, ask if testosterone is part of her mix. If not, ask if the doc can add it. If she's not on HRT, discuss getting her T checked.
The big thing with T for men is that it really helps with mood. It gets them out of that grouchy zone.
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