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I'm having a huge problem with Paranoia and I don't know what to do... So here is it, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now, so basicly we didn't live together.. I'm really h.appy and I felt like it was the happiest time of my life... He's really good, nice, cute, kind, happy, funny, etc and he loves me I know that...
But I can get easily paranoid, everytime he got a little upset or say something that shows sign that he's bored of me (which probably, he's just tired or is having a headache), I'm just going to keep thinking about the topic especially when he already hung up. usually, it would take me 4 hours or more to be able to sleep in a night like that... It kinda sucks, even sometimes I cried myself to sleep lol...
His ex is one subject. His ex kept calling him every single day and is begging him so hard to come back. I use to get extremely paranoid with this especially when I know they've been together for 5 years. He said he still care for his ex but he'll never go back... And I do believe him, but I just can't help... Now I don't get so paranoid with this anymore, I'm kinda use to it... I'm really glad...
But the problem is, everytime there's a new thing, I would get paranoid just like I use to... For example, the ex situtation is already old... Now when i hear something about his ex, the most I could get is a little aware cuz I'm use to it now and he has proven that there's nothing between him and his ex anymore... But if there's a new thing like let's say, he got upset of me and he kinda say that I don't believe in him, I don't believe in who he is... I would get really paranoid cuz it felt like I'm losing him...
I usually get paranoid when I already hung up the phone... And of course, the next day, I tell my boyfriend about it (I can't help, he's the only one I could talk to about this topic) and he usually will get a little upset that I'm being like this again... And I'm really upset of myself also...
Now, here's the questions... How should I handle new problems ? I just wanna know how to think, how to relax ! I really need serious help... I thought it's going to stop but it doesn't... I trust him but I'm always scared that he's going to leave me... Now I don't know what to do
And... Let's say I get paranoid again, should I tell him? I've always been telling him about it everytime... Part of me says, telling him will make you feel better, he's the only one you can talk to... Another part says, no just don't tell him, he's going to get so upset, then soon he will get sick of me and it will only make things worse...
what you are describing is probably normal to some extent.
i'm guessing you've had some issue in the past which has left these extreme feelings ?
however, you will need to get a handle on them. by telling him all about it, you will come across as needy, and could scare him off.
you need to learn that there are ups, and downs in a relationship. love, trust, interest, libido et al are NOT constant. they can vary day to day, or even hour to hour.
it's easier said than done, but you will not change the outcome positively by worrying about it.
learn to let him go, and trust that he'll come back to you. spend less time worrying about what you think you don't have, and more time enjoying what you DO.
Three months isn't a long time and it sounds as though maybe you're investing a little too much a little too soon in the relationship. One thing you have to realize is that you have to have a fulfilling life outside any relationship and maintain your individuality.
Spend time with your own friends and on your own interests - you're not going to want to do everything he likes to do or like all the people he likes and vice versa. If every moment is spent wondering what he's doing and what he's thinking when he's not with you then you're not maintaining a good and healthy balance.
Enjoy the time you spend together but don't fall into the doomed rut of expecting him to be your only source of enjoyment. Confiding in him every little insecurity you have about the relationship is only going to make him resentful eventually. You'll be a much better companion to him if you have your own life and interests.
You need to think, the way I am acting is going to scare him off!
He is with you. Enjoy him, rather than torture yourself over the little things that you should not be stressing yourself out about, to begin with.
Take it day by day, and just remember..he is with you. Don`t scare him off. Good luck!
love is not fear... love is peace , love is kind, love is truth, etc..
try being at peace however you can (meditate, read scripture, etc)
also, I don't know if you're doing this or not.. but I had a girl that use to always try to analyze everything I did or said.. and she would tell me about a lot of them as well...
Do not analyze or think about little things to much...
Take things at face value most the time... it's called trust I believe..
Enjoy the present, for the future is NEVER certain...
There is nothing that can ever happen that God won't get you through, thus you have nothing to worry about.
Truthfully, I think you should not be in a relationship until you become less paranoid and self-confident. You'll ruin this one with jealousy and that will only make you worse. Besides what fun is it being in a relationship if you're only tormented whether there is a real reason or not?
To the OP: 3 things become obvious in your commentary: lack of others to speak with, unstable personal security, and a guy with whom you don't feel comfortable. Any one of those issues should have you engaged in a therapeutic consult. You come across like an anxious (as opposed to paranoid) person altogether. Get help and use the relationship as a learning experience. No one knows where it will go from now to the future. Enjoy the ride, the view, and speak with someone at length about this issue, to enhance your pleasure.
Relationships and emotional involvement always exacerbate paranoia and heighten feelings/emotional reactions. When I start to care for someone I become hypersensitive too - to my own detriment.
I think you are experiencing rather normal feelings - just magnified.
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