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Old 11-01-2009, 08:04 PM
 
49 posts, read 101,700 times
Reputation: 36

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I left my family overseas 9 years ago when I met my wife, sold everything I owned and moved to NJ. We had a great relationship for the first few years but for different reasons the marriage deteriorated. She's more the outgoing type while I am a very shy guy and need time to warm up to people. Well, 2 month ago she told me that she doesn't feel anything for me anymore, is seeing another guy and moved out. I filed for divorce and now I have to make this major decision.

Should I stay or go back to Europe?

I lived here in the US for 10 years and had the same job for 8 years. I haven't had much luck finding people to socialize with though. The people at work are nice but I wasn't really able to make real friends there either. I like the area I live at (South/Central Jersey) and got used to my life here. But never be able to talk to your brother or parents face to face is sometimes hard, especially in my present situation. I visit them once a year but it's not the same as having them around all the time.

On the other hand, going back to Europe would mean to sell all the bigger stuff (furniture, car etc.) and to start over again. I would have my family to talk to and to keep me company but I don't know if I want to go back to my former life. I'm in my early 40's and people in my age group know how hard it is to find a job, especially in the current economy. Also, if I go back to Europe it can't be reversed since my green card would expire and I couldn't come back to live in the US anymore.

I've got to move no matter what, the question is will it be 8 miles or 8000 miles?
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:11 PM
 
11,869 posts, read 15,898,625 times
Reputation: 20050
Wow, that's a lot to decide. If you have a job here, I would stay and see what the future holds - at least for a little while. Maybe now that you are going to be single you will be able to make more friends and branch out more with a social life.

It sounds like you can always go back to Europe, but you might not be able to get back to the US if you decide to move away.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,833,844 times
Reputation: 22814
I'm in your shoes pretty much and was seriously considering it a few years ago, but after much frustration I came to the conclusion too much water has passed under the bridge and you can't go home twice. My situation is different though - I don't really have home and close enough family to go to. I was considering other countries as well, but it's not quite feasible, either. You can only speak so many languages...

Things are not stagnant. While you're away your country changes and you change. Eventually you end up pretty much being a foreigner who speaks the language... I have not done any true "adult" thing back home. I don't know how the system works anymore. I've no longer the energy for another immigration because that's what it essentially is. It might be different for you... Considering you live on the East Coast, it's a lot easier for you to visit more often. It's closer and there are great deals out of the East coast. On the other hand, if you have a good education and you're confident you can find a good job, get the hell out of here while you're still fairly sane, is my advice!

As far as your green card, after 9 years of marriage it should be unconditional even if you got it through the marriage, so you can renew it. I'm not sure what the requirements are, but I believe you can keep it if you come back here once in a while... probably once a year or so... I'm not sure of this, though. You have to speak with an immigration attorney. I'm a US citizen myself, which I deeply regret doing because even if I move somewhere else some day I'd always have to file taxes even if I don't have to pay anything.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 19,976,412 times
Reputation: 5490
Are there any kids involved?
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:39 PM
 
691 posts, read 2,212,708 times
Reputation: 767
When was the last time you went home? I don't see why you can't go home for a visit, to make a choice, why does it have to be sell everything and go, or stay? Visiting would allow you to make a much more informed choice. Go home for a week. Then decide.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,486,746 times
Reputation: 1842
I would also suggest a consult with an immigration attorney, and leaving on a greencard doesn't always mean you can't come back. The laws change frequently, but I have a friend that left mid-application for citizenship, and she was still able to come back. Once she got her American passport she moved back to London and now can come or go whenever she pleases.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,833,844 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadreamer View Post
leaving on a greencard doesn't always mean you can't come back.
Well, it never does!

The question is what exactly happens if you live somewhere else for more than 6 months out of the year. I'm not certain if a green-card holder can do that without coming back at least once a year, but I'm sure it's explained on the INS (or whatever they were called these days) site.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:48 PM
 
49 posts, read 101,700 times
Reputation: 36
Mr.Cat: No, we don't have any kids.

kek1993: Yes, I'm gonna spend almost 3 weeks with my family over the holidays. This wasn't planned (flights are freakin expensive) but I need to be around my family instead of sitting alone at home at Christmas!

floridadreamer: I know I lose the green card when I stay out of the country longer than 6 month.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,833,844 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by factory3 View Post
floridadreamer: I know I lose the green card when I stay out of the country longer than 6 month.
If you know this for a fact, why don't you become a citizen first before attempting to move back? This way the door will be open should you change your mind. Most countries have no problem with dual citizenship.
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Old 11-01-2009, 09:01 PM
bjh
 
Location: Memphis - home of the king
43,413 posts, read 26,881,444 times
Reputation: 129556
Depending on where you're from, you might post a "How are things going?" thread to your fellow countrymen. How are jobs, etc. in the old homeland.
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