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If you've picked a girl that you see frequently at this cafe, don't push to get her phone number right away. Take your time and just be friendly to her in a casual non-pushy way. See if your personalities click. See if she appears to enjoy seeing you at the cafe when she is there. Eventually, ask her if she's like to spend time with you outside the cafe.
If you are too pushy and rush to get her phone number, she will find you creepy and find another cafe to hang out at. You want your friendship to develop in a natural way. Life is not a movie. You don't have to fit your romance into a two hour time frame.
What you've described is a good way to become friends with a girl, but not her boyfriend. Once you're just friends with a girl, it's very hard to move past that.
You're right, life is not a movie, but going from friend to boyfriend usually only happens in movies. Won't she find it more creepy if you spend all this time talking to her without making a move?
Ya know, I knew that I answered this same thing once before.. I just couldn't remember where..
I think the dude needs to figure out the conversation part of things.. Apparently, he's got the "walking up" and the "get a phone number" part down..
I've only done that once with one girl, and I didn't walk up next to her. She was just sitting at a table next to mine and I spoke to her from my table. I haven't been able to recreate since though.
What you've described is a good way to become friends with a girl, but not her boyfriend. Once you're just friends with a girl, it's very hard to move past that.
You're right, life is not a movie, but going from friend to boyfriend usually only happens in movies. Won't she find it more creepy if you spend all this time talking to her without making a move?
I think that being friends first is a great way to proceed to a romance that turns into a long term relationship. And about the friend zone, if you are there, then you never had a chance to be her lover. You either are her romantic type or not.
Anyway, from reading your thread about flaky girls, I feel that if you don't get to know her well enough before you call her up to ask her out on a date, she will flake on you. You may think that you are getting along great with her, but meanwhile she is only being nice to you out of politeness. If you try to actually be her friend, she might find that you are actually quite compatible with her.
And after all, what is a friend? It sounds to me that you only have guy friends and no platonic female friends. Friends have similar interests and enjoy just hanging out with each other. And friends look out for each other and also trust each other. And a good romantic relationship isn't about being lovey dovey every time you're together.
So going back to your thread about flaky girls. Why they give you their phone number but don't respond to your calls:
1. She really wasn't into you. While you thought that at the cafe she really enjoyed talking to you, she was only being polite to you.
2. You picked girls out of your league. Being that pretty, they thought that they could do better in the dating department.
3. Your friendliness and asking her for her phone number was too pushy. They think that after a first pity date, they won't be able to get rid of you easily.
And you can fix a lot of this by just being a better conversationalist and listener. And that will give a better first impression of yourself. And as you make yourself seem more interesting, listen for signs that she really likes you. What you want to hear is her saying that she'd like to join you in some interesting activity that you do. Give her a chance to chase you. And at that point, exchange phone numbers.
I think that being friends first is a great way to proceed to a romance that turns into a long term relationship. And about the friend zone, if you are there, then you never had a chance to be her lover. You either are her romantic type or not.
Anyway, from reading your thread about flaky girls, I feel that if you don't get to know her well enough before you call her up to ask her out on a date, she will flake on you. You may think that you are getting along great with her, but meanwhile she is only being nice to you out of politeness. If you try to actually be her friend, she might find that you are actually quite compatible with her.
And after all, what is a friend? It sounds to me that you only have guy friends and no platonic female friends. Friends have similar interests and enjoy just hanging out with each other. And friends look out for each other and also trust each other. And a good romantic relationship isn't about being lovey dovey every time you're together.
So going back to your thread about flaky girls. Why they give you their phone number but don't respond to your calls:
1. She really wasn't into you. While you thought that at the cafe she really enjoyed talking to you, she was only being polite to you.
2. You picked girls out of your league. Being that pretty, they thought that they could do better in the dating department.
3. Your friendliness and asking her for her phone number was too pushy. They think that after a first pity date, they won't be able to get rid of you easily.
And you can fix a lot of this by just being a better conversationalist and listener. And that will give a better first impression of yourself. And as you make yourself seem more interesting, listen for signs that she really likes you. What you want to hear is her saying that she'd like to join you in some interesting activity that you do. Give her a chance to chase you. And at that point, exchange phone numbers.
Wow, I can't believe meeting girls is this hard.
It seems like most people complain about not meeting "the right" person. I just can't seem to meet a person PERIOD, regardless of whether or not she's "the right" one.
It seems like most people complain about not meeting "the right" person. I just can't seem to meet a person PERIOD, regardless of whether or not she's "the right" one.
See? This post right here smacks of desperation. And I'm sure that this attitude of yours shows when you are in your cafe. People can smell it and it puts them off.
So do you mean that you have no good friends at all, male or female? Or is it that you have no female friends at all? I don't mean casual acquaintance friends, but close real friends. I suggest that you put having a girlfriend out of your mind completely for a couple of months and just focus on making a couple of good platonic female friends. And get a better activity to do than hanging out at your cafe. Get a hobby, do a sport, volunteer your time for a worth cause. Get passionate about your hobby or this other activity and get to know other people doing it. This is really the best way to get to know new people, both male and female. Don't sit in your cafe and ask some chick if she goes there often or comment about the weather. That's not at all appealing to any prospective new friend or date. Don't wait and hope for some pretty single girl to find you attractive. It's really not likely to happen unless you are handsome and confident like a George Clooney or Brad Pitt type. And if anything, you do need some friend zone type of women in your life. Women do like men that have other women enjoying their company. And it's annoying when a guy only surrounds himself with beautiful women, so get to know and be sincere friends with some plain looking women too.
I also suspect that if you put yourself in a woman's friends zone first, rather than letting her put you there, she will be intrigued and try to take herself out of this so-called friend zone. And go watch the film The Tao of Steve and contemplate his dating philosophy.
He writes "Will you go out with me" on the paper, makes it into a paper airplane, he throws it at her, but it curves up and over and around going under seats, making others stand up because they felt something go by their butts and finally zeros in on her and as she looks up, she sees it coming right at her, she screams, it hits her in the eye and the ambulance is called. Taken to the hospital, she has major eye surgery and then sues him.
To the OP, just get out of your seat, strike a conversation up with her and ask her to go out for coffee, a drink, whatever is a nice place in your area to go and talk.
It seems like most people complain about not meeting "the right" person. I just can't seem to meet a person PERIOD, regardless of whether or not she's "the right" one.
Meeting people doesn't have to be that hard. You just get out there, strike up a conversation, and go with it. You are over thinking this. You do have to have thick skin because you will get shot down, but who cares? If 99 girls shoot you down and one doesn't you're still ahead of the game.
Meeting people doesn't have to be that hard. You just get out there, strike up a conversation, and go with it. You are over thinking this. You do have to have thick skin because you will get shot down, but who cares? If 99 girls shoot you down and one doesn't you're still ahead of the game.
Not only that, but at my age, and if I were single again, I'd approach a girl but I wouldn't give a crap if she shot me down. Fine, I'll go find someone else. I'm past that "what will she think, or what if this or what if that" period.
See? This post right here smacks of desperation. And I'm sure that this attitude of yours shows when you are in your cafe. People can smell it and it puts them off.
So do you mean that you have no good friends at all, male or female? Or is it that you have no female friends at all? I don't mean casual acquaintance friends, but close real friends.
To be honest, not really. Like I said in my other thread, I recently just moved back home this summer after 5 years away at college. All my closest friends went their separate ways and are in different parts of the country.
I have my old high school buds, but like I said, they never want to go out and do anything new or meet new people. They tend to stick in their own little group, and as great as they are, they're not exactly "girl magnets."
To be honest, I feel like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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J/k .....don't do that...
