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Old 09-05-2011, 08:57 AM
 
663 posts, read 1,079,120 times
Reputation: 945

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I have a 20yo and if I were looking to date, I would be very hesitant to get involved w/another man with young kids. Our kids are 20, 19, 17; I love my DH's kids as though they were my own. We've been married since all the kids were very young so my stepkids are used to me being around and vice versa. However, I've known people who have dated people with older kids and it doesn't usually bode well for them. It's not usually the new SO who is jealous, but often the kids and the ex are. Kids are one thing, jealous exes are quite another. Too much drama.....my DH's ex was like that for a long time. She's fine now towards me (remarried and directs her attention to her DH's ex instead) but it was a long road
getting there. The thought of potentially going through that again makes me feel exhausted. For me it's not necessarily the kids, it's the adults involved who cause loads of drama. I've witnessed too many dads with their exes who don't have healthy boundaries, they still argue with their exes on a regular basis, the kids are running the show (parents' fault), or the ex is some sort of loony bin who just wants to run around and party and leave dad with the kids but not let him have custody (gotta keep that child support coming).

I dearly love my DH and his kids. To go through all of that again, I think, would be too much. Besides, my own kid is an adult and on her own. To get involved with a man (if I was single) who had little kids, our lives would not be anywhere near the same. I would have the freedom of my kid being out of the house, he would be tied to a WAY different life. That would be too little in common for me, would probably have to pass on that one.
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Old 09-06-2011, 02:42 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,485 posts, read 7,267,508 times
Reputation: 2912
I would not date a guy with kids because I'm not expending an ounce of my energy into propagating somebody else's genetic material. Plus if he dies, then either a) all the money would go to the kids and I get nothing, or b) some of the money would go to me and I'd be seen as the homewrecking evil 2nd wife. No thanks.

Only exception is if the guy was widowed.
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,142 posts, read 2,124,773 times
Reputation: 1349
i never minded dating men with kids since i never i had any - actually it saved my reputation when i wanted to see a disney movie and would take his kids so it didnt look like my idea - LOL -
i will say that men or women that have that attitude about their partners kids is a very bad sign - i survived 2 step-mothers which is no small feat and if the significant other already has problems dealing with the kids i would just move on - im sorry to say jealousy is very bit as insidious as cancer -
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:28 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
1,419 posts, read 2,447,831 times
Reputation: 1371
Quote:
Originally Posted by LEVOW View Post
Alot of single girls that i know, have told me that they hesitate to date guys w kids, because their kinda selfish and dont like sharing the guys w his kids. They get upset that on the weekends that the guys have their kids, they cant go out or do anything w them, do you single ladies, hesitate to date guys w kids?
Yes, been there done that and wont be doing that again. Maybe guys with kids have better luck dating women with kids. A woman with kids would be more understanding about things.
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Old 10-13-2011, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,162 posts, read 3,355,576 times
Reputation: 2209
If a woman wants to be a part something bigger than herself, then yes, she will. Personally, I prefer the kids to be high school age. There will be a lot of maintenance with the younger ones, and I am already in my 40's.
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Old 10-13-2011, 03:10 PM
 
9,001 posts, read 10,136,385 times
Reputation: 14525
My policy is that I raised my kids; I'm not raising anyone else's. So hopefully when I do meet my next "soulmate" he's either got grown & raised kids or doesn't want any of his own....
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:02 PM
 
2,944 posts, read 4,965,623 times
Reputation: 3382
Hell yes. I don't care who you are. Women are possessive over their kids and I'm not trying to be in ANY confrontation with a woman who literally DOES have a hold on a man through their shared children.

Doesn't matter if you're divorced, there's going to be some kind of baby mama drama and I want no parts of that.

Or if it's not the mom, the guy is still involved with her family and sometimes the mom might like you but her sister doesn't and kids hang out with Aunt whoever, aunts bring them to their father, etc.

I want no parts of that.

Other than that, I don't do other people's kids that aren't related to me. I have a zero tolerance policy for unruly kids. Unruly, disrespectful, spoiled where the parent will give them whatever they want so they can be left alone. I know how little kids are. When mom and dad aren't together especially when they were then their not their going to hate whoever their parents are with and I'm not having a kid mug me and be a little a-hole and I can't do anything about it. I can't say no to them, I'm not their parent, aunt, cousin, etc.

Nope. I can't discipline other people's kids. Blood kids - my own family I can
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:52 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,133,616 times
Reputation: 8079
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I would not date a guy with kids because I'm not expending an ounce of my energy into propagating somebody else's genetic material. Plus if he dies, then either a) all the money would go to the kids and I get nothing, or b) some of the money would go to me and I'd be seen as the homewrecking evil 2nd wife. No thanks.

Only exception is if the guy was widowed.
LOL.....you'd get nothing. That's funny and honest.
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Old 10-14-2011, 07:11 PM
 
1,922 posts, read 3,970,818 times
Reputation: 1342
I dated a very successful guy with kids. He was working as a finance director making 6 figures, his own house, and 3 cars. BUT two kids by two different women. Whenever we would make plans something would come up with one of them and we would have to change our plans! And on our FIRST date he brought his one year old daughter and his nephew. I believe I was 23 and he was 27 at the time. He gets his kids on the weekends and still they kind of interfere. Needless to say, I am done. He is now 33 and I am 26. I have been dealing with this for over 5 years and would rather not.
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Old 10-16-2011, 05:36 PM
 
51 posts, read 56,434 times
Reputation: 19
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