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Jeez,why are you folks being so hard on her husband? She said,that he said he was ready,she didn't say that he was pressuring her.
To the OP: Does your husband know,that the reason you're not ready is because you want to spend more time with him? If he doesn't,tell him. Maybe he can cut back on his hours.
Unless he's one those compulsive workaholics,he's probably not thrilled with always being at his job,either.
My husband and I have been married for 5.5 years. We're both in our early 30's. My husband is ready for kids and has been for years. I'm still not ready. People will ask me how long I've been married and I tell them over 5 years, and then they always say, "do you have kids?" and when I say no I get a weird look. Relatives are always asking when we're going to have kids and are surprised when I tell them I'm not ready yet. Even after being married this long I'm still not ready. I feel like I might be ready in another 5 years.
I guess my main reason is that I don't feel like I've had a chance to spend enough quality time with my husband. He's always working, and I don't see him nearly as much as I would like. I am very lonely. I feel like I need more quality time together as a married couple before having a child. Any thoughts?
1. If you're not ready, you're just not ready. End of story.
2. It sounds like there's more here than just having kids.
You don't spend enough quality time with your husband.
You're feeling lonely.
......so far, that's enough.
Maybe try this: Work on your relationship with your husband first. Sure, he may work long hours, but at the same time, there's a lot that he can do that will make feel more loved and less lonely.
Having a child is the beginning of an 18-year prison sentence, with no chance of parole.
Now, there are the comfortable, cushy, hotel-like Federal prisons, and then there are Maximum security prisons and State Prisons.
This decision needs to be carefully, carefully thought out.
Very funny!
Most people I know with kids can't wait for them to grow up and leave the house.
To the OP: If you're lonely now without kids, it won't help having them. Watch Super Nanny. So many of the husbands don't like to go home to screaming kids so they up their hrs at work, come home late, or schedule business trips away. Then the wife is not only lonely, but tired, upset, and fed up (and some ready to sign divorce papers).
Now if you're wealthy enough to afford help and your husband can work less and spend more time with you so both of you can take leisure trips together, then yes, you can afford to have kids and not drive yourself and your husband up the wall.
But, until nannies and maids are a part of your life, don't bother trying to compete with the Joneses. This is one decision that doesn't have a refund policy or recourse. You can be married just the way you like it. Don't be a conformist.
Have kids when you are ready to be an excellent parent. And not just you. Both of you.
to the OP, just don't have kids because you feel you have to...people have it easy telling someone else what to do and when...on someone's wedding day, talk about having babies starts...I think it's rude to 'demand' of someone to have children ...so if someone asks, you should be rude right back!
It's a personal decision and private. You may decide to never have any. So be it! You are not a production facility.... I just hope you and your husband can come to some agreement because his is the only opinion that should really matter here.
I do also want to say that if you are needy and lonely, you are not ready to be a parent.
Children need unconditional love (and healthy boundaries) and if you do not have that to give to them because you are needy yourself, then they will suffer.
Children are definitely not a way to ease loneliness or give you love. They take, take, take and can isolate more, not less... lots of people have kids thinking it'll give them someone who will love them forever, not so....
Never have kids just to please someone. That is a sure way to an unhappy Child and unhappy Parent.
A Child should be wanted and loved not some "gift" to your spouse.
As for getting weird looks I just got married but have been together with my beloved for over 21 years and we have no kids. You would not believe the looks and some of the comments I have got overthe years from being called a "freak of nature" to being "evil" .... Let those people talk they obviously have no understanding about what real parenthood should entail. Having a child is the most serious decision you will ever make so NEVER let anyone pressure you into it whether husband or society.
You know yourself better than anyone else. When it feels right to YOU then by all means but until then your husband if he loves you will respect your reservations. A Child is not a toy or an accessory.
Jeez,why are you folks being so hard on her husband? She said,that he said he was ready,she didn't say that he was pressuring her.
To the OP: Does your husband know,that the reason you're not ready is because you want to spend more time with him? If he doesn't,tell him. Maybe he can cut back on his hours.
Unless he's one those compulsive workaholics,he's probably not thrilled with always being at his job,either.
I agree!
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