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You guys probably remember, I'm the one with my husband who has driving anxiety. Well he basically refuses to go on medication and hasn't seen a therapist in awhile.
He's gotten better in other areas, so our relationship is pretty good right now.
But he really really wants to buy home. He's like obsessed with homeownership (like most people). We found this home that was close to his job (about 5 minutes) and he would have been able to drive himself to work. But unfortunately now his job is relocating to another part of town. The home is 20 minutes from where his job is moving too. But I would have to drive him/pick him up. I've asked him what are you going to do. He just says we'll see, it's over a year away. But I want to know now what he is planning, bc this affects me and I want to know now. He says maybe he'll hire someone to drive him in the mornings.
But now I'm wondering if we should just look in a different area (possibly closer to the new work location) as homes are newer. And the house we original found is in a great location, good deal, but a massive fixer. (Probably 80K + worth of work) We could potentially profit from it even in a down market. But I don't know if the hassle and saving money + profiting is worth the toll it'll take on me as I do all the driving and have to take him everywhere like work, then home depot when we need stuff to work on the house.
I'm really confused and don't know what to do.
I think my options are:
1) Leave him
2) Continue to rent and just move again to anther rental close to his work in a year from now when his company moves
3) Suck it up and drive him to work and pick a house I like/want.
I'd rather not do #1 as I love him, he's a nice guy and good provider
#2 will put a strain on the marriage because of his continued obsession of wanting to purchase a home. I don't mind #2 as I like the convenience of him being able to drive to work and not worrying about repairs PLUS the amount of money we save in the bank.
If he just doesn't want to drive, then I don't see why you can't work something out. My parents had one car for years. Environmentalists are always encouraging people to ride bikes, walk, take the bus, and so on. Maybe he can carpool. The Chicago area has a website where you can find people to carpool with, so maybe your area does too. We also have a vanpool program; a year is enough time to work on getting on started at the new office, if it's feasible. Otherwise, look into public transit. You can tell him, "I don't want to depend on my being able to drive you around, so let's take this year to figure out how it's going to work." Look at bus schedules and where he'd have to walk.
If he has other issues, like agoraphobia, OCD, ADD, you're really going to have to examine the big picture.
I understand driving anxiety because I was 'raised' to be afraid of driving so now it effects me at odd times. I will not apply for jobs too far away and coupling my anxiety with bad weather, I can be a wreck.
What has helped me is to drive every day. I take my son to school every day and even though it winds up being about 20 minutes total behind the wheel, I don't get too worried anymore.
I'm not sure what you should do but can you suggest he try to drive a little each day? He may find this the best therapy for his worries.
The fact that you threw "leave him" as one of your options speaks volumes about issues going on outside of buying a house. May I suggest before you proceed with purchasing a home that you and him sit down and address any concerns/issues you have about his driving anxiety (and any other issues you may have). Purchasing a home, especially a fixer-upper is only going to throw more stress your way.
Get your ducks in a row first, then if it works out and you BOTH want to buy a home, then happy househunting!
If leaving him is a real possibility in your head, you probably shouldn't be buying a house with him till that issue is resolved. A house would just be another issue in a divorce.
Unless you live in one of the few areas in the US with great public transportation, not driving would be very limiting. It's one thing to make a conscious green choice and quite another to feel like you are being forced into a lifestyle. I hope he will continue trying to learn to cope with his problem. What if things change down the road and he has to drive to be able to make a living?
If I otherwise loved this man, taking him back and forth to work would be no big deal. Especially if he was supporting me. But I would be worried. Also I wonder how old you are.... What happens down the road when you can no longer drive? Or what would he do if you (sorry) die?
What happens down the road when you can no longer drive? Or what would he do if you (sorry) die?
If my husband became blind or disabled, I would adjust my life to fit his, not be annoyed that he's a nuisance. A real phobia can be just as debilitating. I feel that there's a lot more going on with the OP, though.
If my husband became blind or disabled, I would adjust my life to fit his, not be annoyed that he's a nuisance. A real phobia can be just as debilitating. I feel that there's a lot more going on with the OP, though.
I agree. I always worry about being too darn helpful. I want my SO to be able to manage life on his own if necessary. I want him to be able to take care of himself and thrive. Just because we never know for sure what's going to happen!
To the OP, you don't think owning a home will cause him additional anxiety? I've owned a couple of houses and once in awhile there's been a few sleepless nights thinking about the mortgage payment. Is driving truly his only anxiety? Would the pressures of home ownership push him over the top?
I'd go with #3. Find a house that isn't such a fixer upper, and hang in there a bit longer where you already are.
I read in Dear Abby where an elderly woman finally surrendered the keys to her car in which her son sold and commisioned a taxi to take her wherever she needed to go. The arrangement worked out great.
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May I suggest before you proceed with purchasing a home that you and him sit down and address any concerns/issues you have about his driving anxiety (and any other issues you may have). Purchasing a home, especially a fixer-upper is only going to throw more stress your way. 
