Fight between husband: are these 2 comments the same?

[shuke]

NO question about it, in my mind. His comment was a put-down. Whether your comment was a put-down would depend largely upon your tone of voice and the context. Saying "you don't know everything" could be said playfully or insultingly. In the context you presented it, it sounds like you were being playful.

Still, it sounds like your husband has quite an ego. Egos can be bruised with even a playful comment. That's as far as I'll take that for frear of stomping on toes.

[anonymous]

Originally Posted by mrshvo

So anyone, one night at dinner he was talking about something that I did not quite know the answer. He knows a lot of useless information So, because I really didn't know anything about the topic, I said "honey, you don't know EVERYTHING." Then I added "no one does", to take it off of him.

He looks at me with this...knowing look on his face, and then says..."I know A LOT more than you", with this SMUG smile on his face.

My co-worked said that perhaps it's a guy thing-they think they know everything so if you say they don't, you insulted them.

So, what do you think? Were our comments along the same lines, or was his more insulting?

I disagree with your co-worker. When you said, "Honey, you don't know everything," it goes without saying that your statement is a true one. I'm sure your husband realizes that he doesn't know everything.

He probably interpreted that as something like, "You're a know-it-all, quit talking." Judging by his response, it sounds like you hurt his feelings and his ego. Adding "No one does.." probably did even more damage.

His response was insulting as well, though. I think y'all's comments were along the same lines, but it sounds like yours was accidental. It sounds like his were retaliatory.

[Roaddog]

Originally Posted by mrshvo

My hubby is smarter than me. Much. Doesn't use it-but he really is. Everyone close to us knows it.

So anyone, one night at dinner he was talking about something that I did not quite know the answer. He knows a lot of useless information So, because I really didn't know anything about the topic, I said "honey, you don't know EVERYTHING." Then I added "no one does", to take it off of him.

He looks at me with this...knowing look on his face, and then says..."I know A LOT more than you", with this SMUG smile on his face.

Yes, I know I am a girl, and girls are more sensitive...but I felt so insulted I couldn't even look at him. Talk to him. Probably because he was right...but I felt like he was comparing himself to me, and he was coming out on top.

SO later that day and the next day he could tell I was really...miserable/angry/depressed. He didn't understand why, and he isn't one to make things better...he was saying how what we both said were the same thing and if he wasn't mad I shouldn't be.

I was though, and I know it's better and we're fine now...but I still don't think that what I said was along the same lines. No one knows everything, so I didn't understand how my comment could have been insulting, but I felt compared, and lost.

My co-worked said that perhaps it's a guy thing-they think they know everything so if you say they don't, you insulted them.

So, what do you think? Were our comments along the same lines, or was his more insulting?

I don't think it matters who's comment was more insulting, they are both insulting and very petty and he's right if he wasn't mad why should you be? Don't get hung up on little things and make them big. I smile and nod when my wife is talking about something I don't care about.