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I don't think she did anything wrong, really. Could she have been a little more understanding that her best friend still wants to be a part of her life? Sure, but I'm sure she's having a hard time too.
She got married, moved to a new place with new people, bought a house - those are all huge things to adjust to. I imagine that she's probably trying her best to make it work in DC and not focusing on what someone from back home needs.
Personally, not to be a downer, but I've never seen best friends remain real best friends when someone moves so far away. Even when my best friend moved just 4 hours away our friendship suffered - and we had known each other for 14 years. It's just never the same.
So please don't think that it's just you or just her. It happens all the time. No one's fault really.
Thanks for your advice. It's kind of a dumb thing to worry about. I'm being a baby.
It was still hurtful though to you.
Personally, I would have to mention it. I wouldn`t make a federal case out of it, but I would let her know that you were hurt by her actions. However, I also understand that she was settling into her new home, etc...but still......
At the same time, I was planning to come up to visit her so both of us could visit NYC together...
I still care about her, and I want us to still be friends. And, for the first time in a couple months, she called and left a message saying we should talk and catch up. Should I mention the fact that her behavior hurt my feelings? I feel like certain actions on her part were really inconsiderate. Does that even matter? I don't want to sound like a difficult person, but I don't ever remember her apologizing to me for anything. So, I'm not sure she'd ever agree that she was ever at fault in this situation. But, I'm tired of being the only person who ever apologizes for anything. Grr.
Was she even aware that you were planning to come visit....dòn`t be a difficult person, she IS not at fault for your feelings of dissertion..She has began a new life...be happy for her, perhaps give her more time to settle into her new life and home, and then you may find that she does indeed have time to continue and enjoy her relationship with you.
Honestly, I don't think she's done anything wrong. It's just the way of life that things change. When you choose to get married, yes, that family comes first. It doesn't mean you throw your friends away, but it does mean they start orbiting as a satellite instead of being the sun at the center of the solar system. The same thing happens when you have children... you have to devote so much time to your family that you may only have time for a phone call or quick lunch once a month... it's not that you don't value the friendship any more, merely that your life circumstances have changed. I really don't hear any wrongdoing at all on your friend's part.
That being said, of course this has hurt your feelings. It's only natural to feel sad when circumstances change and (for whatever reason) you can't be as close to a person as you like, or they have to move away. I don't blame either of you. You are both reacting in a perfectly natural way.
So I think the first poster and some others had excellent advice. I would gently broach the subject, but in more of a "It's so nice to talk to you. I've missed our chats and it's great to hear how your life is going. You've always been one of my dearest friends" sort of way, rather than opening a big uncomfortable can of worms that really, is no one's fault.
Well, the area I highlighted is the hinge on which the discussion turns. Was it just you making the plans, or the both of you making the plans? If you simply had it in your head to buzz up to DC and then head north to NYC, and never really formulated any plans with her, then you're really mad at her because she has a busy life right now. That kind of stuff happens in life. When people's situations in life changes there is inevitably a shift in the relationship with the friends.
If, on the other hand, she was part of the planning and then just went silent on you, then it's another issue entirely. If that's the case, then it sounds as if your friend has cut you off, or decided to cool things. If that's the case, a heart-to-heart is probably in order.
But, to be honest, it sounds as if you have a one-way friendship.
The highlighted part caught my eye, too. I agree with this post.
I doubt your friend ever intended to slight you. Consider this; she moved & you stayed in touch a short while. When all was new there, she called to stay in touch with someone she knew. As they settled into a new home, she got very busy with that. Time was passing slower for you, as you were still in your usual place, with usual routines, plus missing your best friend. Time was flying by for her, as she was shopping, buying, arranging, rearranging, etc. She may have wanted to call you several times, but it was late by the time she settled down. I'm sure she didn't want to wake you at midnight. The fact that she called you again shows that she didn't forget you or intend to slight you.
Talk out your frustrations here or with others you know, & plan that visit again. Go with the anticipation of seeing her new home, meeting her friends there, catching up on news, etc. Make a list of news from home to catch her up on, with photos, etc. She may even come out with something about forgetting to call, etc. See if she still wants to do the NYC trip.
She has nothing to apologize for and neither do you. Time & space changed your relationship a bit. This is a small thing in the greater scheme of events. Don't let it interfere with your friendship.
I have a relative who has alienated many of her family & friends over her whole life with "bookkeeping" over such things & smaller things than this. She literally has a scoreboard for each relationship she's ever had, keeping up with favors owed, perceived insults, forgotten promises, etc. Life is much too short for this kind of thing.
I still say anyhoo too! LOL I think your friend did what most friends do when they move, get married, buy a new house or take on a new job. They get sidetracked. She probably figured y'all have been friends long enough that she doesn't need to be on the phone with you 24/7 - and she probably assumed that you would understand that people get busy with their lives. I am sure she still considers you her best friend but you have to understand people do get busy. I have gone years before without talking to friends and when we do talk again, it's like we just picked up where we left off and no hurt feelings.
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