17 year age gap has become a problem for me after 5 years of dating (couple, partner)
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Great. You come on here with your first post, to reopen a SEVEN year old thread??
Well, considering there is this message at the bottom of all old threads, you shouldn't be surprised when this happens.
"Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view."
And the wise ones take a moment to consider that. If I were in the OP's shoes, my spouse would be 67. Just what any woman wants as her kids leave the nest and she starts going through menopause--to care for an elderly spouse. If you've been together for 25 years, that's one thing, but I'll be honest and say this is yet another reason I refrain from dating. Even if the fellow were my age, it would be a calculated risk: He could be healthy for the next 20 years, until we're 70 or older, or he could have a major illness or heart attack within 5 years. Hey, so could I, but the stats on how it works out when a spouse gets sick and how women stick around but men are more likely to bolt are not encouraging. Not sure I'd want to have to worry about that, either. Again, calculated risk. The older I get the more I have to lose in getting involved with someone: Time is a precious commodity you don't get back.
As others have said, age-gap relationships where the man is older tend to be great for the men. For the younger women they're involved with, not so much.
That's actually not the only factor. I am an O.T. who works in rehab in skilled nursing facilities, and have seen this situation. There have been couples where one half (it's not always the female who is younger) is now incapacitated after a stroke, or diagnosed with Parkinson's in their 60's, and the spouse is still in their 40's. Their days of going out to dinner with friends or on vacation are over, sex is over and spouse will have to work to pay for household and come home and puree his food and feed him...that's if she can afford health care for him while she's at work.
The most common scenario though and one people don't think of, is that the older spouse has to enter a nursing home decades before his/her spouse, which leaves the other person destitute, with any income the older person gets going to Medicaid for the nursing home. She'll get to keep the house, but most assets would have to be turned over to the state.
Well, considering there is this message at the bottom of all old threads, you shouldn't be surprised when this happens.
"Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view."
Most people know not to do it though, as more people respond to the old thread and don't realize it's even old until their 6 pages in. It is highly annoying, and because I know that, I refrain from doing it.
There are probably threads here about whether Y2K fears are warranted, with a "please update" at the bottom of it
She doesn't want a guy 17 years her senior = She doesn't want HIM.
It seems to me it would be a lot easier to overcome your embarrassment than have to deal with the emotional backwash and possibly great regret you might experience in a breakup.
Your main worry seems to be what other people think and how the age difference looks to them. This implies that you may be somewhat insecure about your own self-worth. Why not try to focus on the fact hat you ARE worth the love he gives you and that your worries about the age difference is standing in the way of your own self-acceptance.
After med school, you'll be pushing 40 as you do your residency. There will be plenty of 30-year-olds interested in meeting doctors. Going for a 25-year-old might be iffy. People change so much in their 20s, and the OP is a perfect example of that.
Your big challenge will be matching for your residency. You may end up relocating for that.
BTW, if you're going into medicine just for the money, you might want to think really hard about that. It's not just a matter of student debt, but of all the insurance you will have to carry depending on whether you specialize, if you become a hospitalist or go into private practice, etc. Money is not the reward it once was, especially in the age of diminishing reimbursements, accountable care, etc. In fact, that is why many physicians are selling their practices and just becoming salaried employees of health systems.
Go into medicine because you want to treat the sick and injured, not for the money or to provide for a family you may or may not end up having, not only for your own sanity's sake, but for the sake of providing the best care you can.
Yes I'm fully aware of the state of practicing medicine in this country, and money is not my primary motivation.
With that said, I should be making enough to take care of the people I care about and support a family. Of course that's if I could meet someone that would want to have one with me. .. which I'm not so sure about anymore.
I know many women in their early 30's who are unmarried and want children. One of my best friends just had her first child at 38. She's pregnant again at 39. She's married, but got married the first time at 37.
Many women these days are waiting to get married well into their 30's. Many women get pregnant the first time between 30-40. Heck, you might meet one in medical school.
I didn't read the rest of your thoughts on medical school, but I personally am not going to medical school at 27 as a woman (I'm going into nursing instead) because I don't want the limitations it would place on my future family life. My husband is a PA, and did consider a few years back the medical school route. Now with a few more years under his belt he doesn't regret it at all, but it would definitely create a list of hardships I just do not want to deal with. I'm not saying you can't find a woman because of this, but it may be more because of the hardships medical school place on you, especially in your 30's (you won't be a practicing doc until well into your 40's I assume?) that limit you moreso than the age of a woman limits you.
I'm rambling because I haven't had my coffee. With that being said, I don't think it's so much your age as it is your career choice/change at this point. You won't be an "old" doc by any means (my husband works with new docs who are even late 50's!), but you must know the toll it can take on a family in the early years (regardless of how old your wife would be).
I really don't know many women around here in their 30s that do not have children. So geographical region may have something to do with it.
I realize that it really makes no sense for me to go to Med School. For years, I've been in training for this though. I think I need to just push through it, which could come at the sacrifice of never having a family.
I was accepted to an accelerated nursing program. I have worked with nurses for years. I just don't think I'd enjoy that role for long and would want to do and learn more. I've also heavily considered the PA route, but as much as I have invested in this once again, I might as well go for the thing that provides the greatest autonomy and scope of practice.
Who knows ultimately. With the state of how healthcare is in this country, well it's a mess. Politicians making changes every 4 years. I personally see pay scale changes on the horizon across the board.
Might as well be a doctor when that all happens. There are simply too many Babyboomers and not enough resources to pay for all of their health care the way things currently are.
Last edited by Mikelee81; 09-15-2016 at 07:56 PM..
Well, considering there is this message at the bottom of all old threads, you shouldn't be surprised when this happens.
"Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view."
It's absurd. People are replying to a poster that's been gone for years.
Well, considering there is this message at the bottom of all old threads, you shouldn't be surprised when this happens.
"Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view."
Haha.
Occasionally I'll browse old threads, if I'm looking something up or come across something interesting. But I never bump them up.
I think the ''Please update'' message is more geared towards threads in the regional and city forums, more than the general forums. I think that message is just posted at the bottom of old threads across all the sub forums.
But there are a lot of old threads being bumped lately. It wouldn't be as bizarre if it was a topic that someone felt like rehashing or something like that. But too many times when an old thread is resurrected, do I notice the person who bumped it, replying directly to the OP or one of the last posts or the last post in the thread, which usually happens to be from however many years ago.
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