Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been in a relationship with my husband for almost 10 years, married for the past 5. We always got along very well, never seemed to have any problems with each other, we never argue, and we feel very comfortable together. He was my first real/long term bf, and my first and only person I've slept with. I've never been really attracted to him, and not that I know what it is due to my lack of experience, but I don't think we have "passion". I've always had doubts but he's such a good guy, really nice and caring, I feared I would lose a good thing and maybe making a huge mistake if I ended it. I am a much stronger and independent person now then I was when we met, and I wonder if I would choose him as is again. I am so confused right now. We recently actually brought this up, and he feels the same way, and we decided to see a couples shrink to help us figure things out, and have gone just twice now, but the things I want different are things I'm not sure he needs to change about himself and I don't know if I'm just being picky or what. Sorry for the long post, some advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. ...
I've been in a relationship with my husband for almost 10 years, married for the past 5. We always got along very well, never seemed to have any problems with each other, we never argue, and we feel very comfortable together. He was my first real/long term bf, and my first and only person I've slept with. I've never been really attracted to him, and not that I know what it is due to my lack of experience, but I don't think we have "passion". I've always had doubts but he's such a good guy, really nice and caring, I feared I would lose a good thing and maybe making a huge mistake if I ended it. I am a much stronger and independent person now then I was when we met, and I wonder if I would choose him as is again. I am so confused right now. We recently actually brought this up, and he feels the same way, and we decided to see a couples shrink to help us figure things out, and have gone just twice now, but the things I want different are things I'm not sure he needs to change about himself and I don't know if I'm just being picky or what. Sorry for the long post, some advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. ...
I don't think you are really "wondering if you would choose him again" - you already don't think you would. But I'm not trying to pick on you - I'm just trying to say at this point, be honest with yourself.
And along that same theme, be honest about this...has someone else captured your attention or imagination?
I've been in a relationship with my husband for almost 10 years, married for the past 5. We always got along very well, never seemed to have any problems with each other, we never argue, and we feel very comfortable together. He was my first real/long term bf, and my first and only person I've slept with. I've never been really attracted to him, and not that I know what it is due to my lack of experience, but I don't think we have "passion". I've always had doubts but he's such a good guy, really nice and caring, I feared I would lose a good thing and maybe making a huge mistake if I ended it. I am a much stronger and independent person now then I was when we met, and I wonder if I would choose him as is again. I am so confused right now. We recently actually brought this up, and he feels the same way, and we decided to see a couples shrink to help us figure things out, and have gone just twice now, but the things I want different are things I'm not sure he needs to change about himself and I don't know if I'm just being picky or what. Sorry for the long post, some advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. ...
I don't think you are really "wondering if you would choose him again" - you already don't think you would. But I'm not trying to pick on you - I'm just trying to say at this point, be honest with yourself.
And along that same theme, be honest about this...has someone else captured your attention or imagination?
No, honestly, I'm not interested in anyone else, I just always was curious and wondered if I was settling. But is that because I haven't dated much, or because my relationship is lacking? I do love him, and enjoy spending time with him, it just seems like somethings missing. Unless Hollywood has just skewed my judgment. Maybe I'm expecting something that doesn't really exist.
How old are you? Often times people meet when they are young and they fall in love and then by the time they are in their 30's they are completely different people than when they first met! Take a step back from the relationship and really think about what it is that you want in life. If you are both on the same path, I say work at it.
No, honestly, I'm not interested in anyone else, I just always was curious and wondered if I was settling. But is that because I haven't dated much, or because my relationship is lacking? I do love him, and enjoy spending time with him, it just seems like somethings missing. Unless Hollywood has just skewed my judgment. Maybe I'm expecting something that doesn't really exist.
Glad to know you don't have the added complication of another man making you wonder "what if?"
No, honestly, I'm not interested in anyone else, I just always was curious and wondered if I was settling. But is that because I haven't dated much, or because my relationship is lacking? I do love him, and enjoy spending time with him, it just seems like somethings missing. Unless Hollywood has just skewed my judgment. Maybe I'm expecting something that doesn't really exist.
Well again, be honest, something IS missing - you said so yourself - PASSION.
However, that doesn't mean you need to throw away a nice comfortable WORKING marriage, okay? For some people, what you have with your husband would be a dream You apparently love and respect each other, and don't have any difficulty getting along - think long and hard about walking away from all of that.
Only you guys can decide if what you have is "enough". I wish you luck with that and think the counseling sessions will really help you answer those nagging questions.
Thanks for your input. It's just so confusing. I can give a good argument for either direction which makes it even more difficult. I'm almost 30 by the way, and I know I have changed drastically since we first started dating, but even then I remember feeling this way, but the fear of being alone, and the desire of just wanting someone to want to be with me outweighed anything else. I mentioned before that the things I want different are things I'm not sure he needs to change about himself, and even if he does change, is it going to be enough to make me not question it anymore.
Thanks for your input. It's just so confusing. I can give a good argument for either direction which makes it even more difficult. I'm almost 30 by the way, and I know I have changed drastically since we first started dating, but even then I remember feeling this way, but the fear of being alone, and the desire of just wanting someone to want to be with me outweighed anything else. I mentioned before that the things I want different are things I'm not sure he needs to change about himself, and even if he does change, is it going to be enough to make me not question it anymore.
I don't envy you where you find yourself
Here's what I would worry about for you...that someone who you ARE strongly attracted to will come into your life. Once that happens and you fall head over heels in love, THEN your nice sweet hubby gets crushed He doesn't deserve that, which I know you know, but once you are in the throes of a passionate relationship there would be no stopping you from leaving him if you haven't worked your current feelings out by then. So, while you are busy trying to decide to stay married or not be sure that if you stay you can make the committment to him to stay forever, no matter who else wanders into your life.
I feel almost like he's a family member. I love him, never want to hurt him, always want him around, but don't really want to sleep with him. Never really did. I'm slightly more comforted knowing he now feels similarly, so the fear of crushing him isn't as strong, but it really hardly seems to make it much easier of a decision. Thanks again for listening and giving your advice.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
