39, female, and already over the hill (cheater, dumped, years, like)

[Ameiko]

And as you just said, I just want to date someone who is in a similar life phase as me. That's not too much to ask. Or it shouldn't be.

Funny but that's what many men in their 20's and early 30's say. Now you know how WE feel!

BTW, common interests aren't really on our dating list unless we're looking for a serious relationship. As more and more men enter their mid and late 30's, we've realized that marriage is a crock and avoid that (as well as many LTR's in general).

Also, many of those guys had problems meeting women in the past only to have better luck since they now have more money, status, and confidence. Where are they going to look? To the youthful women in their 20's that they always wanted but had a hard time getting. It's what we WANT sexually, NOT the used up woman in her very late 30's and beyond.

[Ameiko]

You're not over the hill, you're under. Give it a few years. 40s is when the men start looking.

Men are always looking. ALWAYS. Men in their 40's may be looking to settle down (personally I think it more in their 30's if they have not been burned too badly by women) but it WON'T be with the poster- they want a younger and fertile woman with which to have children.

[Ameiko]

Society's at fault for making single people feel like losers because they're not "coupled up".

Actually, it's mostly WOMEN who do this. Try getting into adebate with a woman over male-female relations. Within 5 minutes, she'll start saying, "oh you're just a loser who can't get laid."

[Ameiko]

I see, as a women I should deprive myself of the human needs for love and companionship, and my sexuality should be completely discounted. This is the only way I can show I don't buy into society's claims that I am a "loser" because I'm not coupled up.

Why not? That happens to MEN all the time!

[Ameiko]

YES:
Active lifestyle
Likes good food and wine (part of my job, I go out a lot for dinners, cocktails etc)
Well versed
Has a job and is happy with it
Loves sex and is good at it
Affectionate
Intelligent
Funny and amusing
Common opinions about money
Drive (not a car, meaning is self motivated)
Kind

Yeah, you ARE asking for too much. You want it all but you're not all that anymore. Who the heck has time for all of that? Just for giggles, let me see how I fall on that list:

Active lifestyle
I do hit the gym 4 times a week. I don't hike or bike outside though

Likes good food and wine (part of my job, I go out a lot for dinners, cocktails etc)
Not even sure what that means. Give me a good steak and BBQ any day though.

Well versed
Well read? I suppose but I'm not into the great works of literature... too much time playing video games.
Has a job and is happy with it
Reasonably happy but looking to become a writer.
Loves sex and is good at it
Yes on the first, not so sure on the second. Some I light up and some.. not always. Of course that's something a couple can work at but often a woman will dump a guy rather than spend time "training" him. Many guys arne't that good at sex btw because they don't get laid often enough or by enough women, especially the kind ones you want below.
Affectionate
Yep.
Intelligent
Hell yeah!
Funny and amusing
At times. But intelligent AND funny AND amusing? What, you want your own personal standup with a PhD?
Common opinions about money
Whatever that means.
Drive (not a car, meaning is self motivated)
Yep
Kind
Not like I used tobe since I realized how messed up this society is. And most nice and intelligent guy aren't getting laid enough to be good at sex like you want.

Of course, what are YOU bringing that will get the rare man whom you describe, especially since this one in a 100 could land a much hotter 20 year old. Your income, maturity, intelligence... well that's not going to cut it. That's what women want in men, not the other way around.

Lower your standards because you're not going to get the above. Maybe you can get a beta male but he's not going to have your respect for long and that will kill the relationship.

[creative36]

Originally Posted by missymomof3

I dont understand this statement. One of my best friends is 38 and he definately doesn't want one that young.. way too much drama

No, he does want women that young. He just doesn't want the drama. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. You know what I mean?

[Ameiko]

It is kind of a bummer to make this discovery that you no longer have peers of the opposite sex when it comes to relationships.

Welcome to the world that most men live in.

All of a sudden after years of normality, and when you've most got your act together, you're unworthy.

Translated: after years of being hot and desired, age has caught up with me and now I can't get laid like a rock star (honestly, only top athletes, rock stars, hip hop guys, and a few others have as much sexual acess as a moderately attractive woman.

Real men who want someone to relate to will not eliminate women their own age from their dating pool.

And real women would not eliminate good men just because they aren't tough guys alphas who hit their lower reptile brain. Good for the goose = good for the gander.

Those who remain will be more likely to be looking for the same things and to be better relationship material.

This is probably why most divorces are initiated by women and more women than men do the dumping in dating (as some women have admitted in this thread by going on a few dates and then dumping men without a reason): because they lack the ability to relate to others.

They're out there.

Yes we are but you're not going to notice us because we're not cool enough, not tall enough (6'2" and above only), or don't emit that alpha vibe. So you'll just whine and moan and wonder where are the "real men" are even as you pass by them every day on the street, in the mall, in the grocery store...

[Ameiko]

Onglet, my mother has always told me "It's a man's world." It's true.

Your mother was talking about yesteryear. If it was a man's world, women wouldn't have the vote, the ability to divorce their husband, or take a man's children, assets, and future income. Prostitution would be legal as well. Welfare, WIC, etc would not exist and no judge would make a man pay child support for a kid not his own. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Study the 1700 's, 1800's, and early 1900's to see what a man's world was like and you'll see how much we have changed.

[Ameiko]

I think the OP has a valid point. Most people marry women/men around their age, give or take a few years.

They did it when the woman was younger though, mid 20's to maybe early 30's. She waited too long to get a guy in her own age group, at least the one she wants. I guarantee you that guys close to her age try chatting her up and she walks away because "they're creepy", i.e. not the perfect man whom she wants.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

Hi missymomof3,

Not if they are "players". That is their target. 18-25. They are dumber, cheaper, and in better physical condition. An LTR guy is a different story and sounds like your friend.

You nailed it. LTR guy vs. player.