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"You, like many men in the west, were duped into marrying a woman who is beneath. By having children either out of wedlock (sounds correct since bio dad is in jail) or within a marriage only to divorce him (most divorces are initiated by women), she has made herself a wantom woman not worthy of a true man, especially one like yourself."
Still wondering what the heck a "wantom woman" is.
I think you rushed into the marriage without thinking about the repercussions. The way I see it based on my experience is, work on getting a babysitter, tell the wife to get a job, get financially stable, once you get to that point then you will be able to plan for dates and quality time with the wife. The children must come and I do understand you have needs and such but work on a babysitter and her on a job and everything will fall into place.
Most people here will disagree with me but personally I believe she suckered you into marring her mainly for support & to be her babies daddy. If you feel you must leave do it now before the kids get any older. At 23 I can see how you fell for her BS & probably great sex. I've seen much older men fall for the same.
A shot in the dark but IMO marrying you for love and having a committed relationship was about 4th on her list of reasons she married you.
I have a friend just like you who fell for a woman with 2 kids. She started in on him to adopt the kids since he was now the "Father". After about 2 years of her work he agreed to adopt and did so.
As soon as the adoption was finalized, she filed for divorce. He now has support payments for about the next 15 years and has very little custody involvements since she moved out of town.
Decide on what you must do and if it is to leave, do so quickly before the kids form a bond with their new daddy. If she wants you to adopt her kids do so with great care, make sure your marriage is solid and proceed with caution.
Make sure your and her motives are the right reasons if you want to work it out.
Most people here will disagree with me but personally I believe she suckered you into marring her mainly for support & to be her babies daddy. If you feel you must leave do it now before the kids get any older. At 23 I can see how you fell for her BS & probably great sex. I've seen much older men fall for the same.
A shot in the dark but IMO marrying you for love and having a committed relationship was about 4th on her list of reasons she married you.
I have a friend just like you who fell for a woman with 2 kids. She started in on him to adopt the kids since he was now the "Father". After about 2 years of her work he agreed to adopt and did so.
As soon as the adoption was finalized, she filed for divorce. He now has support payments for about the next 15 years and has very little custody involvements since she moved out of town.
Decide on what you must do and if it is to leave, do so quickly before the kids form a bond with their new daddy. If she wants you to adopt her kids do so with great care, make sure your marriage is solid and proceed with caution.
Make sure your and her motives are the right reasons if you want to work it out.
Hi Rakin,
A classic. Wow did she hammer that poor sap. An older woman with a child ran the marry me, get me pregnant , and then beat him over the head to drive him off and get child support from my older brother. It was done in months.
How does everyone assume that a 25 woman who made a poor choice by bearing children to a guy who is such a loser is in prison, only has a high school and has not figured out how to earn a real income is an evil genius who trapped him? I doubt that she's smart enough to trap a man.
Most likely she is just another person who has not faced reality, who thinks that everything will always work out in the end, because that is what life is like! She probably 100% believes that she deserves to be married to a guy who will take care of her children with out complaint and is utterly clueless that this just isn't true. And frankly, our OP did the same, which is why he married her in the first place without really evaluating what a marriage to her would really mean.
There are two sides to every story, but if the OP hasn't exaggerated, he's probably better off getting out of this marriage once and for all.
A classic. Wow did she hammer that poor sap. An older woman with a child ran the marry me, get me pregnant , and then beat him over the head to drive him off and get child support from my older brother. It was done in months.
Another classic is a good guy friend of ours knocked up a Drama Queen (she planned it to hook the guy). They stay married about 3 years and she decided no more kids. She talked him in to a vasectomy when he was in his late 20's.
It wasn't 2 weeks after the vasectomy she filed for divorce. Luckily it might be reversible but isn't that a nice gift to give your future EX ?
Some men & women are not nice people. The point here not everyone does things for the right reasons. Us trusting people fall for it cause we want to have faith in our fellow man and have trouble seeing ulterior motives.
If you are already having second thoughts, what 11 months into this marriage, then get out, asap, before YOU knock her up.
You obviously do not love her and never did. A person marries someone forever and loves them through thick and thin. I have been married for 22 years to the same man and it's a lot of work. But guess what, we love each other and yes the kids are annoying sometimes, but that's why it's called parenting And, btw, I was 17 and he was 20 when we got married. He and I were both very mature young people.
Maybe you should have waited until you set up your career and lived your life before getting married. Get out now before you ruin those kids lives (more than they already are with that mom) Perhaps they'll have a better chance at life if their mom gets a good education (I hope she has a good support system since you're thinking of dumping her)
This problem would be reduced considerably if these girls weren't offered welfare to tide them over until they can successfully entrap a naive sucker. Adoption used to be the norm and it worked out well. The kids went to a good home and there were far fewer such "accidental" pregnancies.
No welfare for those single mothers under 25 having and keeping their kids. And make it dependant upon having worked at least twice as long as they can collect. This is a developing demographic disaster.
How does everyone assume that a 25 woman who made a poor choice by bearing children to a guy who is such a loser is in prison, only has a high school and has not figured out how to earn a real income is an evil genius who trapped him? I doubt that she's smart enough to trap a man.
Greetings Onglet39,
Your observation that this is not evil genius is dead on. Its the opposite as you surmise. I have a path in my garden with a rose bush. I don't trim it enough so sometimes a big cane on the rose bush will drop down for a little snake bite. That rose bush has no conscientiousness of what it does. It looks pretty and has thorns. The basal instinct of a women is to make babies with fertile dominant men, and then find providers. She couldn't help herself with man #1 because she was turned on. She cannot help herself with man #2 because she is looking out for the babies.
As soon as she secures the marriage a bit more, it would not surprise me that she cuckolds him down the road. I am not saying it would happen, but out of a 100 cases like this, there is no doubt. You'll know by a few things, such as her friends, what kind of girl's night out she has in mind. Best thing to do, if you want to know more, is give her some rope to hang herself. That's how I knew what I had once. Go find yourself darling....
If you are already having second thoughts, what 11 months into this marriage, then get out, asap, before YOU knock her up.
You obviously do not love her and never did. A person marries someone forever and loves them through thick and thin.
Thank you for your advice..but I have to say I resent that statement. You'll find that a lack of love is in many cases not the reason why relationships end or fail to work out. Sometimes, the reality for some couples is that love just isn't enough.
Case in point..
My morning so far has involved taking care of the two kids since I woke up and dealing with one of them needing me to help them figure out stuff on the computer every 2 minutes (literally) for the past 3 hours. I've done many of the house chores myself and helped with homework... on top of this I've somehow managed to work on important campaign for work (the stress really didn't help). My wife on the other hand has been asleep all the way through to 1.30 in the afternoon and doesn't seem to mind leaving me to deal with all of this by myself.
I'm not the bad guy here..I just feel like I'm the one doing almost everything and I don't think that's fair. If this was a once off, I would say that I could understand and just move past it, but when she was unemployed this what my days were like every single week. I did talk to her about it and nothing changed.
So to summarize...I feel like I'm a slave whose responsibility it is to both look after the children, the house and make enough money to cover her bills. My wife is either completely oblivious to how this type of thing can breed resentment or she's happy with it going on just so she doesn't have to deal with it herself. Does she love me? Possibly. When I'm working I will get the occasional kiss or I love you, but this doesn't change my feelings of being used.
I can fully appreciate that a single mother needs to find someone to take care of both her and her children, but is this really what that's supposed to entail?
Last edited by orbital; 11-16-2009 at 01:32 PM..
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And, btw, I was 17 and he was 20 when we got married. He and I were both very mature young people.
