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I'm an avid online dater, and I am starting to prefer it. Maybe it's my age group (I'm 26), maybe its my environment (downtown Chicago), but women I meet on a daily basis just have no interest in me. I don't consider myself "attractive" but I know I'm not ugly, I have a couple extra pounds but I'm very athletic and muscular as well, I have a good job where make more than enough to support myself and my lifestyle, I'm drug/disease free, and I really don't have any children out there that I know of. I have a lot of friends and I am involved in a lot of sports and fun things and live my own life.
However, maybe I do something wrong, or maybe I just don't pursue hard enough, but sparks don't fly when women meet me. I am attracted to a lot of girls, but none of them seem to have any interest in me as a dating partner. I've tried to figure it out but it's impossible to decipher. I guess I'm not initially viewed as someone who has much to offer.
But in the online dating market, I'm a catch. Many women I go out with, I send a few emails asking very simple/general questions and if no red flags arise I request to meet after like 3 emails. I meet them and I go out with no expectations. I just go to meet them, see if something happens, play it cool, have a good time. This approach is extremely successful for me. I have women tell me that I'm a huge catch and they tell me about all the weirdos online they've talked to or met online up until they meet me, and by just being a normal dude, they are really into me after the first meet. I went on a date last friday meeting a girl for the first time, we talked for 6 hours, and she kissed ME goodnight, I didn't even make a move. I have multiple girls texting me constantly, and all I did was just be funny, polite, respectful, and didn't do anything crazy. If I act like this to women I meet routinely face to face, I seriously don't even get a second look.
Some of us might prefer meeting face to face, but not everyone has that as an option.
Wow. I am your gender, and your age - and my experience with online dating has been the opposite.
The women that I hang out with and date 'in real life', would NEVER respond to me online. I'm not sure why it is that way.
I am biased towards online dating because I don't think anything compares meeting someone in real life but I decided to try Plentyoffish.Com and although the site is well designed, I don't understand the mindset of the typical user. Are most of the women on these sites people that have really poor social skills and need to hide "behind" a computer because they are so scared of revealing their true selves? At least that is the impression that I get. Also, I noticed that some of these women must look at your profile and if they find one little thing that they may not like, they automatically don't want anything to do with you. I am sure there may be some "normal" people on these websites but I don't think this crap is for me.
This is such a tired argument. You'd think that given how long online dating has been around, we wouldn't still be debating its value. Online dating is just another way of meeting people that supplements offline methods. It's also great for people who haven't had success in more traditional environments. The people who decry online dating are usually quick to label the people on their as "losers", "misfits", and "people who hide behind a computer." Maybe if you're being rejected both online and offline, the problem is you. And to answer your original question, online dating isn't stupid. What's stupid is being narrow-minded and unrealistic about it.
Wow. I am your gender, and your age - and my experience with online dating has been the opposite.
The women that I hang out with and date 'in real life', would NEVER respond to me online. I'm not sure why it is that way.
I definately hang out with more attractive women "in real life" than the women I'm meeting online, but those attractive women that know me would just never date me. I would say in the last couple years I've asked about 20 girls for their phone number, probably 17 of them gave me their number, and 0 of them lead to a date. They usually just don't answer or call me back.
The girls online maybe aren't the hottest in the world, but I try to actually read their profiles, and if it's different from the cookie-cutter profile that every girl has up there, then I shoot her an email and try to make conversation. Most of the time I get no response back, maybe due to no subscription, or maybe they just don't like my pictures. But the ones that respond, I'd say half of them are pretty cool, decent women from a personality/dating perspective.
It's totally a step down in terms of attractiveness, but it beats sitting home alone while all your friends are out to dinner with their gf's and wives. That and I don't like picking up random drunk girls at bars and bringing them to my bed, gotta do something to satisfy the primal needs.
I hear you. No one in my immediate social scene is married, so that may be the difference. They tend to leave the flock upon pairing up.
The way I see it, out in the big world, you have a 1:1 ratio of men to women, and your odds simply change upon venue. I never really noticed or cared much about these odds until I tried online dating.
a restaurant might be 1:1
a martini bar might be 1:2
a sports bar might be 2:1
As it applies to my age and location, online dating has a worse ratio than a sports bar. It is roughly 1 female for every 5 males. That tells me for every message I send, there are 4 rubber_factories sending her the same message.
I recall once I sent a girl some message, never heard anything. Two months later she contacts me, we hit it off, and start dating. Once we began dating, I found out that she didn't get my first message. She claims she didn't read most of the messages she received. I think about this, whenever I get down on myself for being rejected on the internet. It really means nothing.
I'm an avid online dater, and I am starting to prefer it. Maybe it's my age group (I'm 26), maybe its my environment (downtown Chicago), but women I meet on a daily basis just have no interest in me. I don't consider myself "attractive" but I know I'm not ugly, I have a couple extra pounds but I'm very athletic and muscular as well, I have a good job where make more than enough to support myself and my lifestyle, I'm drug/disease free, and I really don't have any children out there that I know of. I have a lot of friends and I am involved in a lot of sports and fun things and live my own life.
However, maybe I do something wrong, or maybe I just don't pursue hard enough, but sparks don't fly when women meet me. I am attracted to a lot of girls, but none of them seem to have any interest in me as a dating partner. I've tried to figure it out but it's impossible to decipher. I guess I'm not initially viewed as someone who has much to offer.
But in the online dating market, I'm a catch. Many women I go out with, I send a few emails asking very simple/general questions and if no red flags arise I request to meet after like 3 emails. I meet them and I go out with no expectations. I just go to meet them, see if something happens, play it cool, have a good time. This approach is extremely successful for me. I have women tell me that I'm a huge catch and they tell me about all the weirdos online they've talked to or met online up until they meet me, and by just being a normal dude, they are really into me after the first meet. I went on a date last friday meeting a girl for the first time, we talked for 6 hours, and she kissed ME goodnight, I didn't even make a move. I have multiple girls texting me constantly, and all I did was just be funny, polite, respectful, and didn't do anything crazy. If I act like this to women I meet routinely face to face, I seriously don't even get a second look.
Some of us might prefer meeting face to face, but not everyone has that as an option.
That's a good point right there..
A lot of times, when you're face to face with someone, they react more on appearances and mannerisms rather than on what a person is truly like. Online dating breaks down those walls - you get a chance to get to know someone based on their personality instead of based on how the look or act.
I can see how that would work for me.. I'm a goofy bastard. Last week, I went into the mall and proposed to a mannequin. She never answered, but man she was hot. er.. um.. yeah.. Point is, I don't do the normal things that most people do. I'd rather just go out and have fun with life - hell, we only live once. But, sometimes that scares people, they aren't used to that. I would think that the people that would be a little put off by things wouldn't be like that online. Then again, if someone doesn't like me for who I am, they can build a bridge and get over it.
I'm not a big fan of online dating, as I've said before, but it certainly has its place... It's something that's here to stay, and really, I'm glad for that. There's a thousand different reasons why people would go online to date.. it's just another way of meeting people.
I hear you. No one in my immediate social scene is married, so that may be the difference. They tend to leave the flock upon pairing up.
The way I see it, out in the big world, you have a 1:1 ratio of men to women, and your odds simply change upon venue. I never really noticed or cared much about these odds until I tried online dating.
a restaurant might be 1:1
a martini bar might be 1:2
a sports bar might be 2:1
As it applies to my age and location, online dating has a worse ratio than a sports bar. It is roughly 1 female for every 5 males. That tells me for every message I send, there are 4 rubber_factories sending her the same message.
I recall once I sent a girl some message, never heard anything. Two months later she contacts me, we hit it off, and start dating. Once we began dating, I found out that she didn't get my first message. She claims she didn't read most of the messages she received. I think about this, whenever I get down on myself for being rejected on the internet. It really means nothing.
I don't know about the ratios, I think there's potentially MORE women on dating sites, but I the ratio is lower for women who are "datable", whether it's physical attractiveness or personality. Now given it is more traditional role for men to contact the women first, and sure, I bet this girl does get a ton of emails, but you just have to find a way to stand out, differentiate. I'm in sales, and I use the phone to pursue new business. I know my company is great and our offering is great, but for these companies to even listen to me I have to be different. Same thing when you contact women, gotta stand out.
How do you do this? You actually read their profile, most guys don't and just send and email saying hi, or they "wink". I actually read the profile, find something distinct about them, and email them asking about it. If you can't find anything specific to ask them about, their profile is weak and they probably don't have much personality, or they half-assed their profile meaning they probably won't check emails either.
I also know that there's so many tools for guys on these dating sites that if you can just play it cool and act normal, women find this VERY attractive. The women are on the site for a reason, they are looking, so they run into a lot of weirdos and by the time they meet you they're way more into you. "in real life" women you have no idea if they're looking, or even available, that's half the rejection in my eyes. Online you are fairly certain they're available.
There's no easy way to dating, otherwise everyone would do it, I just go with what works for me, and asking out women in person has NEVER worked once. Only when the women pursued me, and that hasn't happened since college.
I did match.com after my divorce. I wasn't looking for anything serious because I'd vowed never to do anyone's laundry or make sandwiches on demand again. I got what I asked for--weirdos who didn't want a real relationship either. I mean, I had fun, but it got old fast.
I tried eHarmony once, and they never sent me even one match. After the six months lapsed, they asked me to re-sign up--I said no--they said why--I said because you didn't send me anyone. They looked at my profile, said the main reason is because I am a very tall woman and their research shows that men want to be with shorter women and that only 3% of the men on the planet would be interested in me. Then they asked if I wanted to sign up for another six months. LOLOL.
That was about 7 years ago. Last year, a friend of mine--younger, divorced, no kids but wanting to get married and have children, did eHarmony. She met a great guy--like her, short previous marriage, no kids, same family background, etc., and they are getting married next week. (And she's normal height, lol)
So I guess it depends on who you are and how you fit the model and what you are looking for. I wouldn't say the same things in an online ad as I did with match.com 7 years ago, and I probably would never try that again, but it does work for some.
I did match.com after my divorce. I wasn't looking for anything serious because I'd vowed never to do anyone's laundry or make sandwiches on demand again. I got what I asked for--weirdos who didn't want a real relationship either. I mean, I had fun, but it got old fast.
I tried eHarmony once, and they never sent me even one match. After the six months lapsed, they asked me to re-sign up--I said no--they said why--I said because you didn't send me anyone. They looked at my profile, said the main reason is because I am a very tall woman and their research shows that men want to be with shorter women and that only 3% of the men on the planet would be interested in me. Then they asked if I wanted to sign up for another six months. LOLOL.
That was about 7 years ago. Last year, a friend of mine--younger, divorced, no kids but wanting to get married and have children, did eHarmony. She met a great guy--like her, short previous marriage, no kids, same family background, etc., and they are getting married next week. (And she's normal height, lol)
So I guess it depends on who you are and how you fit the model and what you are looking for. I wouldn't say the same things in an online ad as I did with match.com 7 years ago, and I probably would never try that again, but it does work for some.
Yeah the online dating market has changed quite a bit from what I've heard. I find more and more people who are in longterm relationship, engagements, or marriage met on a dating site.
On top of the fact I can't get a date face to face, it's actually easier to date online because I a lot of people out there don't have time to meet new single people. For me, I meet 80% of the women on a daily basis through business, work, or bars. Its hard to meet people outside of that, or through friends (which I hang with friends in BARS).
I also think some people have a little embarrasment by "resorting" to a dating site, so women may choose to hold out for a brad pitt so that if they do have to come out and tell friends/family they are dating someone they met online, then it'll be less of an embarrasment if he's a major stud, as opposed to a normal dude that just makes her happy, and vice versa for men.
I hear you. No one in my immediate social scene is married, so that may be the difference. They tend to leave the flock upon pairing up.
The way I see it, out in the big world, you have a 1:1 ratio of men to women, and your odds simply change upon venue. I never really noticed or cared much about these odds until I tried online dating.
a restaurant might be 1:1
a martini bar might be 1:2
a sports bar might be 2:1
As it applies to my age and location, online dating has a worse ratio than a sports bar. It is roughly 1 female for every 5 males. That tells me for every message I send, there are 4 rubber_factories sending her the same message.
I recall once I sent a girl some message, never heard anything. Two months later she contacts me, we hit it off, and start dating. Once we began dating, I found out that she didn't get my first message. She claims she didn't read most of the messages she received. I think about this, whenever I get down on myself for being rejected on the internet. It really means nothing.
great post and captures my thoughts exactly (i am also 26, male, and have never had any luck with online dating). the ratio of men to women on online dating sites is significantly skewed to favor females, and besides, given that men are more often than not the initiators of first contact, its very likely that any attractive girl's inbox is flooded with messages, most of which she might never even get around to reading!
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er.. um.. yeah.. Point is, I don't do the normal things that most people do. I'd rather just go out and have fun with life - hell, we only live once. But, sometimes that scares people, they aren't used to that. I would think that the people that would be a little put off by things wouldn't be like that online. Then again, if someone doesn't like me for who I am, they can build a bridge and get over it.
