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Old 11-19-2009, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 21,287,241 times
Reputation: 5522

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Before you go out, listen to the song The Great Pretender by the Platters. It will pump you up.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP8xff2X46A

Last edited by Mr.Cat; 11-19-2009 at 10:36 AM..
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Old 11-19-2009, 10:58 AM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,647,851 times
Reputation: 14737
On second thought, I think you should see a psychiatrist and tell them you want to be treated for depression.
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:34 AM
 
3,284 posts, read 3,515,253 times
Reputation: 1832
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post
On second thought, I think you should see a psychiatrist and tell them you want to be treated for depression.
I think I agree. Maybe OP has some form of depression and he equates it to loneliness. Hopefully some anti-depressant can help him out.
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:49 AM
 
711 posts, read 1,508,407 times
Reputation: 740
I think your very needy and dependant, and that it manifests itself very clearly when your in the company of women. It would be in your best interest and in the interest of any future relationships to fix yourself before you enter into a relationship with someone else. If you dont you will continue with the same "I need to be needed" mentality.
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Westchester County
1,223 posts, read 1,683,717 times
Reputation: 1235
First thing you need to do is get some therapy. Needy men are a turnoff to Women (No you will not be considered sensitive you will be considered weak). For you to hook up with a woman now is only a recipe for disaster. Concentrate on making yourself stronger (exercises is the best way to get the brain out of a depressive state) and try things that will make you happy (i.e. guitar lessons, creative writing class, etc). Once you get your head in the right frame of mind which is you can make you the happiest then the relationship part will practically fall into your lap.
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Southern California
890 posts, read 2,780,542 times
Reputation: 811
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket View Post
I understand that girls think loneliness and desperation is unattractive in a man. But it's so hard to not be when you've been single for several months and only have been on one date that didn't go anywhere.

Work and friends don't help. At the end of the day, you still want to spend some quality time with a girl.
Your definition of quality time can be a different definition to other people. Some people also do not put quality time a priority compared to conversation, or gifts, or acts of service, or conversation.

Quote:
I never understood how women can just "sniff it" on a guy, but as ashamed I am to admit, I am lonely.
Use your alone time as to why this is something to be ashamed of. Choosing to be alone is not something to be shameful. There are times that I want to be alone and pursue things for my personal growth. This does not mean I don't care for others. There's balance to everything things I need.

Quote:
I am desperate.
What specific thing are you desperate about? Do you have a need in your life that you can not handle yourself? You are the only person in the world responsible for meeting your needs. To say others should meet your needs is not taking responsibility for yourself.

Quote:
I feel depressed,
Are you sure this is the right word to describe it? Depression is a mental illness that can be addressed by the medical professions. Call your insurance for referral and seek those help.


Quote:
inadequate and unwanted that I haven't dated in so long.
This stems from your way to define yourself, and you created a need for other to validate you as a person instead of being able to self-validate that you are ok just as you are. You are ok and worthy of being loved and liked.

Without yourself believing and living such a worthy life, how can you teach or show another person how lovable you are as a person, when you do don't believe it yourself?

Quote:
But the next opportunity I have to really talk to and chat with a girl (whenever that may be) I don't want it to show.

So what do I have to do?
Seek individual counselling to pin point the issues you want to address and be active in putting effort to make those corrections in your life.

If you want to try doing a self-help, there are plenty of books with different philosophy. One such book is called No More Mr Nice Guy by Glover. I like the Break Free exercises the book provides, and I have read and do them a few times already and learned that I can improve or have work still in my life.
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Old 11-19-2009, 04:12 PM
 
4,379 posts, read 5,369,815 times
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OP, what have you done today to stop feeling lonely?

have you called a friend to hang out? you have been given good advice, so the responsibility is on you to take it. If not, well your loneliness and love-sickness would only continue.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:30 AM
 
943 posts, read 2,275,366 times
Reputation: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by SKP440 View Post
First thing you need to do is get some therapy. Needy men are a turnoff to Women (No you will not be considered sensitive you will be considered weak). For you to hook up with a woman now is only a recipe for disaster. Concentrate on making yourself stronger (exercises is the best way to get the brain out of a depressive state) and try things that will make you happy (i.e. guitar lessons, creative writing class, etc). Once you get your head in the right frame of mind which is you can make you the happiest then the relationship part will practically fall into your lap.
I think this is true too. Also if someone has clinical depression it will scare people away, people can pick up on that. I am dealing with some of that myself. Try and pay attention to hobbies and getting stuff done. I need to figure out things for myself too. Being needy can scare people away. Spread yourself thin. Also if someone is depressed or feeling needy, that is when they can get into dysfunctional relationships out of "desperation".
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:17 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,568,032 times
Reputation: 1295
If you find a girl who as desperate as you, then you'll really have some problems. Focus on making yourself stronger by pumping your self-image by doing the things you like to feel good about yourself. Like, try to do something new that you've never done before like cooking or roller skating then, you'll have something interesting to talk about. That's what I would do.
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
17,029 posts, read 30,829,895 times
Reputation: 16265
Do something for someone else, like volunteer work. Thanksgiving is a good time to do some charity work.
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