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My sister is gorgeous, intelligent, passionate about art and fashion, she is quite a catch!!!
Because of the issues we have had with our mother, and since she has had to deal with them the most, she has had this idea that she does not want to fall in love, doesn't want to have kids, doesn't need romance in her life, it is just her and herself...
Well... she started dating this guy about 2 months ago. I was so happy she finally decided to open up and enjoy the happiness of a relationship, love and all that jazz... I wish I wouldn't have encouraged her now, but she seemed so happy, and she had changed from ice queen to strawberry shortcake... lol...
The last week or so she has been very depressed, and down... I have asked repetedly what was going on, what was bothering her, normally she would and tells me EVERYTHING!!! we have no secrets... but she would not say anything, so I got worried after a week, and contacted her 2 best friends, I consider them as my adopted little sisters, well they tell me that my sis got into an agument with the BF and that is what has her down...
I confronted my sis yesterday, and she told me what this SOB was doing to her, he was all sweet to her for a while, I guess until he wamed up to her and broke down her walls, then when she refused to have sex with him, he changed, starting putting my sister down, trying to manipulate her emotions and having her chose between her family/friends and him...
I wanted to die, i was so blind to the fact the she seemed so happy, we had a heart to heart, and talked about the entire situation, I spoke to her as her mother, older sister and as a woman, and we both agreed that this was a learning experience and that she would dump this loser... well she did and I am very happy to say that she has returned to her old confident self...
What I am having a hard time with is the fact that I was not able to see the signs of mental abuse until it was too late... (and the fact that I have to engage some friends to hide his body... but that is a topic for another thread) and the fact that I should have followed my gut feeling the first day she seemed off or upset... ugh...
Any one dealt with this before? personally or knows someone who dealt with this?
Life and love are full of risk. You can't predict what someone else is going to do. These people are not going to show you their true colors up front. If they did, they couldn't get close enough to accomplish their goal; to control.
No sense in beating yourself up. Be glad she is smart enough to walk away.
Valeeighty2, your love for and protectiveness towards your sister is commendable, and I don't blame you for your anger at this man.
Having said all this, remember that your sister made her choices, and perhaps she was too naive or too innocent to suspect that this man was up to no good.
I dare not make light of the hurtful conduct he is guilty of or of the damage she suffered, but look on the bright side. Your sister, while injured, will recover. It may take longer than either she or you might like, but she'll go back to her real happy and confident self, and she will not stop being "gorgeous, intelligent, passionate about art and fashion," and "quite a catch." In due course, with some luck, your sister will run into a man who will treat her the way she deserves and who will not be a con man. Her happiness then will be real and lasting.
This jerk, however, will continue to be a lowlife scum who will probably never have a fraction of the inner beauty, smarts, or goodness that your sister has (I know I don't know her, but I'll take your word for i).
And, as a man who's done things he later regretted, I applaud your sister's conviction (refusal to have sex). It would've been far worse if she'd relented, but thankfully, she didn't.
"then when she refused to have sex with him"
What brought this on?? ` why refuse ? is another question, what im saying was there somthing wrong for her to stop the sex when it was going on before or was it ?? if not He was just a POS !! ??
It happens all the time and people don't talk about it because it's humiliating and they don't want to hear "I told you so." They begin to believe what the other person is saying and their self esteem plummets, further reducing their ability to talk about it.
People who continuously date build up a certain tolerance or resistance to this kind of behavior, but in your sister's case, she has been out of the dating loop for a long time and hasn't developed enough of a thick skin to deal with this. Everyone gets burned at some point it's just sad and unfortunate the first person she finally let into her life did this and she was not emotionally prepared enough to handle it.
"then when she refused to have sex with him"
What brought this on?? ` why refuse ? is another question, what im saying was there somthing wrong for her to stop the sex when it was going on before or was it ?? if not He was just a POS !! ??
It never happened!!! she is still a virgin... I am very proud of her!!!
It happens all the time and people don't talk about it because it's humiliating and they don't want to hear "I told you so." They begin to believe what the other person is saying and their self esteem plummets, further reducing their ability to talk about it.
People who continuously date build up a certain tolerance or resistance to this kind of behavior, but in your sister's case, she has been out of the dating loop for a long time and hasn't developed enough of a thick skin to deal with this. Everyone gets burned at some point it's just sad and unfortunate the first person she finally let into her life did this and she was not emotionally prepared enough to handle it.
Yeah I know... she will get over this, I am sure, we have being through worst... but I still hate it that she had to go through it... you know?
Be happy she got out. My sister MARRIED that guy. 4 kids later and she has no chance of leaving. 15 years together with that guy has turned her into his brainwashed slave. He's a doctor and well respected in their little town and community, but no one sees what goes on behind closed doors.
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