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Old 11-22-2009, 12:59 PM
 
26 posts, read 95,299 times
Reputation: 23

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About a year ago, I relocated to the west coast with my boyfriend. My family didn't approve and I didn't feel very confident about moving in with my boyfriend without being married (I'm old fashioned).

In these past few months, things have not been great. My BF was laid off and I basically hated my job. When this happened, we saw it as an opportunity to move back east to be closer to home. However, due to the economy, no one wants to hire out of state candidates and he ended up accepting an offer in the west coast again. During this time, we fought constantly and I started to realize how different we were (different points of view to many things in life). I decided to quit my job (for other reasons) and now want the opportunity to relocate to the east coast, closer to home. I’m currently interviewing with several companies and I think there is a good possibility of getting hired. However, my BF is mad at me for wanting to leave. He keeps reminding me of all our memories and things we currently have (dog) and I just keep feeling so bad for wanting to leave. He feels betrayed because he tried to leave and couldn't’t, and he thought that would be the end of it (that I wouldn't’t try to relocate)

I feel terrible for this whole situation, but I can’t help wanting to be close to home. I also told him that I could move first, and eventually, he can move when he gets job offer in the east coast.

I’m so confused. I feel that If I don’t go, I’ll always be thinking “what if”. If I go, I know I’ll break his heart.

Any response is appreciated, thanks.
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Old 11-22-2009, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,900,389 times
Reputation: 27684
If living close to home is more important than your SO, I'm thinking you already made your choice. I would be glad I found out now, as in before marriage, kids, house, and the like. All the two of you have to do is draw straws for the dog.

Bad economic times will show you another side of your SO. Sounds like you had it tough. I've heard over and over that money is almost always a big issue in relationships. Tough times will either break you up or bring you together.

Good luck!
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Old 11-22-2009, 01:29 PM
 
Location: somewhere close to Tampa, but closer to the beach
2,035 posts, read 5,019,943 times
Reputation: 1099
Ok, so i know that you probably have glanced over some of the posts here and know that many of us are quite a load of joke-sters at times..but, many of us do have some sound advise to share...so..on a serious note;

If things haven't been going well..and the only reason you may be feeling guilty about your desire to return back to where you want to be is because your BF is giving you the guilt treatment..that sounds like a red flag to me.. Yes, i might be wrong but the only time i can think of when a man or woman starts down the guilt trip road is when they are trying to control the other person.

If it were me, and i was feeling similar(seeing that her and i were not on the same page about alot of important things in our relationship), i would not allow my guilt tripping GF to stop me..but that is just my opinion..

I am curious to understand what it is/was that you have come to realize are the indifferences between the two of you..
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Old 11-22-2009, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,575,025 times
Reputation: 24104
I agree. If the two of you are fighting all the time, etc. then it sounds like its time for a change. It also sounds like you your heart wants to be closer to home anyway, so follow that desire.
Maybe you guys need a break and who knows later on maybe...
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Old 11-22-2009, 01:56 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,940,928 times
Reputation: 20083
I don't know if it's possible, but you might try taking an extended vacation back home. A couple of weeks or so. I think it would be a good gauge of how much you miss home and how much you will miss your BF.

Going home might remind you why you took the leap initially.
Going home might remind you of what you have to lose by leaving.
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Old 11-22-2009, 02:33 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,844 posts, read 52,235,316 times
Reputation: 52308
Bad situation.

Wish I had something profound to say...
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Old 11-22-2009, 03:03 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,302,056 times
Reputation: 12283
It sounds like family is very important to you and it's an issue in many relationships. Let's say you decide to stay and start feeling the stress of missing your family so much that it starts arguments and you begin to resent your bf, the relationship will become toxic and may not last. You also have to weigh your commitment to the relationship. Do you plan to eventually marry him? If so, moving back to the east coast should not be an option for you at this time and you should make the sacrifice to stick it out until things get better on the job front. Otherwise, if you're not considering marriage, then by all means I would consider the move back to the east coast.

Whatever your decision it's yours to make. I wish you the best of luck!
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,909,950 times
Reputation: 13465
You may be old fashioned, but aren't you glad you are feeling this way NOW, as opposed to after you've married when it becomes more difficult to make a decision? If you are unhappy with the situation as it now stands, you aren't likely to become any happier as it progresses. You have to make your own decision, but if I were you, I'd seriously think about the pros and cons of the entire situation - the relationship, the family, the going back home - everything. Then make the decision that is best for YOU. If that decision involves you leaving your boyfriend, do it as amicably as possible. It doesn't have to get ugly. Just explain that you want a different direction for your life, and wish him well with his life. But if you decide to stick it out, perhaps you two should really start working on the relationship. Take time out for the two of you to do the things you both enjoy and fall in love with each other all over again.
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:08 PM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 4,577,398 times
Reputation: 1616
I know it sounds cliche, but if it was meant to be...it will happen.

I hate wondering "what if" and don't want to live a life full of regrets. If it were me, and based upon what you described, I would continue on with my plans and hope for the best.

Whatever your decision, I wish you the best.
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,295,459 times
Reputation: 40193
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fresa View Post
About a year ago, I relocated to the west coast with my boyfriend. My family didn't approve and I didn't feel very confident about moving in with my boyfriend without being married (I'm old fashioned).

In these past few months, things have not been great. My BF was laid off and I basically hated my job. When this happened, we saw it as an opportunity to move back east to be closer to home. However, due to the economy, no one wants to hire out of state candidates and he ended up accepting an offer in the west coast again. During this time, we fought constantly and I started to realize how different we were (different points of view to many things in life). I decided to quit my job (for other reasons) and now want the opportunity to relocate to the east coast, closer to home. I’m currently interviewing with several companies and I think there is a good possibility of getting hired. However, my BF is mad at me for wanting to leave. He keeps reminding me of all our memories and things we currently have (dog) and I just keep feeling so bad for wanting to leave. He feels betrayed because he tried to leave and couldn't’t, and he thought that would be the end of it (that I wouldn't’t try to relocate)

I feel terrible for this whole situation, but I can’t help wanting to be close to home. I also told him that I could move first, and eventually, he can move when he gets job offer in the east coast.

I’m so confused. I feel that If I don’t go, I’ll always be thinking “what if”. If I go, I know I’ll break his heart.

Any response is appreciated, thanks.
Go home, you weren't ready for this kind of committment. It's time to cut your loses. If you were REALLY meant to be with him you wouldn't even be able to think about leaving.
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