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Old 11-25-2009, 12:00 PM
 
16 posts, read 32,635 times
Reputation: 39

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Just an update...I am still going to see an individual counselor ( as mentioned before ) and have begun to listen to myself again. I have been keeping in contact with my wife, but as mentioned before, she only thinks that marriage counseling is the way, so I have been debating that idea with the thought of divorce very seriously for the last couple of weeks, unitl now. I mentioned before that she uses god as an excuse, and I cant ever seem to say anything when that happens ( becuase if gods speaking to her, its real, and no way around it ), I metnioned that she is very subtle and manipulative to get her own way, and now I get this long elaborate text form her...I will size it down and give you the just about it ...it bothers me greatly.

"God is showing me what I do...I put on an act for you when our relationship isnt going where I want it to go...the act is I actually act like a person I am not...nothing I have said when its been negative or to instill fear or control or push you away was real...it was an act up until this day...god is going to teach me to live in truth...everything was a lie...so much of what I said was to control or manipulate even when it was truth...its complicated, I dont expect you to understand...cuz god is making me understand even as I type this..."

FOLLWO UP TO:

//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...usband-no.html

//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...need-your.html

What bothers me about this is that from the very beginning, she would tell me she was sorry for the way she did things, and god was reveling to her how to be a wife, god is teaching her, god is revelaing to her etc...but fast forward two plus years, and its getting worse. It scares me becuse as I said before, she is super over the top spiritual ( with the raoring like alion thing, gold dust, giving hundreds of dollars away) in an uncontrolled way. She is like a different person, I saw that, and now her telling me that for two plus years she has been manipulating, instilling fear, lieing, I see how god really wasnt doing anything for her, becuase she constantly used that as an excuse from our first months together. Am I wrong to think that if god was really working in her life from the beginning and she aparently felt it, and was listening, that these deep rooted manipulation, fear, and lies would not be here, at least not in 99 percent of our marriage.

I mean, there were so many times I thought she was lieing,manipulating, but said nothing to avoid huge fights, but now that she admits to it ( and I have begun listening to myself again), I dont know what to think, especially because she is using god again, becuase all that will come out of this is..." god is showing me, he is working through me" over and done, nothing to say anymore, especially now that I am not a christian. I dont knwo how to trust her anymore, all this time with the maipulation, the breaking down, the lieing, the fear, the god card, this huge game that literally tore my life apart.I almost feel as if she is crazy, especially now that I have begun learning to listen to my heart again. I know it sounds good that she is admittig things, but it the god card that scares me ( she never owns upo, as god will take care of it all ), becuase I dont know where her mind is at, this isnt the first time, and i fear it will never be the last. I for one, can strongly say that I feel god is not talking with her, or teaching her, becasue we keep getting worse, and she keeps coming across as more unstable to me.

Any ideas?

Srry fot he repost in my older topic, I meant to start a new one with this, so people didnt have to search for it.
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:07 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,772,775 times
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Tell her using God is only a means for excusing herself from all responsibility for her own actions. Ask her why is she wasting the free wil God gave her?

She's a hypocrite.
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:14 PM
 
5,024 posts, read 8,866,432 times
Reputation: 5770
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Tell her using God is only a means for excusing herself from all responsibility for her own actions. Ask her why is she wasting the free wil God gave her?

She's a hypocrite.
I agree.

To the OP, sounds like she's playing Red Light, Green Light with you and God. Sounds as if you catch her doing something in regards to you that is not spiritually fit, she pulls out the Get Out of Hell card immediately and waves it in your face.

Just because someone has religion, doesn't mean they have integrity or pure motives.

I'm sorry.
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,724 posts, read 21,143,953 times
Reputation: 14823
Counseling! Counseling! It sounds like she's completely lost it. I think you both need counseling. She might need more than that, and you need it to understand what she's going through. Whew! If she refuses to see a counselor, ask your counselor what can be done for her.

I dated a religious nut once. Once! (But it was a week-long date.)

You can't reason with someone who has conversations with God. What are you going to say? "He doesn't know what he's talking about." Doesn't work. Get her help or get out of the nut house.
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:23 PM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,611,824 times
Reputation: 14732
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh_GW View Post
Any ideas?

I have an idea! She sounds like she is crazy.
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,360 posts, read 12,228,657 times
Reputation: 3907
If you want to keep your sanity, get out of the relationship.
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:36 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,169 posts, read 17,591,587 times
Reputation: 64102
Many delusional people make all sorts of references about god and the devil. She if you can get her into a doctor for a mental evaluation. What church is she attending?
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Old 11-25-2009, 12:40 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,316 posts, read 2,545,738 times
Reputation: 5936
I have to agree with the others. Stay away from her...it doesn't mean you have to immediately file for divorce, but stay away to keep your sanity. Not only has this relationship taken a huge physical and emotional toll on you, but you say you have lost your faith, so that seems to me also a casualty of living with this woman.
I encourage you to remain separated, and see what the future holds. Time is always a great tool when you are in this type of situation, but you really have very valid reasons for wanting to be apart and I hope you will remain apart from her. You both need to find your way separately -- even though you don't feel that way, you are still very young and have many changes ahead of you before you feel completely "right" in your own skin...remaining in this toxic environment will hinder and hurt you. Without trying to demean your wife (sounds like she has her own very serious problems and also needs to grow up), please please please stay away and move on with your education and your life.
And let us all know how you are doing and what's happening, okay? I wish you every good thing.
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Old 11-25-2009, 01:13 PM
 
16 posts, read 32,635 times
Reputation: 39
Yea, I really do feel as if she has lost her mind. I used to feel like I was the one going crazy because her mother and sister are the same way spiritually. So since I was alone these past two years, she really establahed her control ( obviously through manipulation, lieing, guilt, god ) and in doing so I lost myself, my faith and the ability to make informed decisions. As she never supported them. But being apart has really opened my eyes, also thank you to everyone here because through you, and my couseling I am begining to see that I am not radical, or over sensetive, or cold hearted, but have every right to feel the way I do. I finally feel, after over two years, that I can trust and listen to my heart again. Thank you once more for all your responses.
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Old 11-25-2009, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,605,748 times
Reputation: 3783
Josh, let me ask you something. Are YOU religious? Do you believe in God as she does or even close to anything like she believes? Have you thought that since this marriage is obviously causing so much pain, when you are actually going to throw in the towel and accept your losses? Just curious what questions you are asking yourself everyday and what you are doing for yourself vs what hoopsyou are jumping through for her because of her beliefs.
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