Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sex is comatose and in danger of dying. Sex and intimacy in your relationship are still alive, but just barely. You need to take action before they die altogether. The upside is that sex can often be better than ever. As you get older, you and your partner are capable to deeper intimacy and more erotic sex. Eye-gazing in bed are one way to put this into gear. You and your partner probably aren’t real relaxed when you have sex.
I've pretty much accepted that sex is heading to the grave despite the small changes the wife have made over the years.
But I so know this feeling today when I perceive it as rejection, and in her view, she is tired.
I do know that this feeling will pass. I can tell that my mind goes to want to withdraw and distant, but I'm learning to express anger and frustration internally until it is gone and stops bothering me. All this means to me is that I still have some "me" work to do.
It's a mental exercise to accept myself that I am ok and have the right to express my needs. But a the same time, she has the right to choose for herself.
That said, I put the focus on me, and what I am doing wrong in "handling it."
First, the thought of sex to feel some connection and validation with her is a wrong thought. I do not need to feel a connection, the marriage perhaps need that connection. I do not need her for validation for I should be able to self-validate.
Next, the thought that sex is "scarce" because we will have company staying in our house this holiday, which means the possibility of sex to happen diminishes very close to zero. This thought that sex is not abundant tend to make me feel needy for what sex makes me feel. The way to handle this is to frame sex as abundant because I can choose to practice healthy masturbation and meet my need.
Last, there is an old behavior that tries to build resentment from my perceived rejection. One way to handle this was to think of it as "lost opportunity." But my mind seem to dwell in the loss of opportunity as fuel to build resentment. Feeling resentment just wants me to go back to the hold habit of withdrawing and doing passive agressive behaviors.
So, it seems like I need to stop perceiving it as a rejection. But perceiving it as loss opportunity tends to make me "want to fix it" but I know that I can not fix it, I can only work on me.
So I'm back to working on me... if that made sense.
My results were pretty much the same as yours. Trying to fix it, but my wife just can't seem to loosen up.
Sex is comatose and in danger of dying. Sex and intimacy in your relationship are still alive, but just barely. You need to take action before they die altogether. The upside is that sex can often be better than ever. As you get older, you and your partner are capable to deeper intimacy and more erotic sex. Eye-gazing in bed are one way to put this into gear. You and your partner probably aren’t real relaxed when you have sex.
Thanks for taking our quiz. Sex is alive and well. A few little things done to enhance things further often bring large rewards. Focus on deepening your emotional connection with your partner while you’re making love. Eyes-open sex can make a difference, especially if you take it all the way to having eyes-open orgasms. When that happens, you won’t be yawning through another ho-hum orgasm on your way to sleep!The results of this quiz have not been empirically validated
Joseph, aren't you the same guy who destroyed your family's laundry rather than speak up and say you didn't want to do it? If so, I'd bet my last dime that the problem is yours, not your wife's. How on earth could a woman relax in bed with a man who is that manipulative and passive-aggressive?
It's all about trust.
No marriage ever has to be sexless. While you can't change the person you're with, you can change yourself - and in the process, influence your partner.
Sex is really about attraction and a bonding of two people. These quizzes and such may be amusing, but they obviously don't paint the whole picture - not even close to it.
Thing is, you have to bring back that attraction and that feeling of closeness that the two of you once shared. It takes a lot of work, but nothing really worth it is ever easy.
Attraction is built on excitement. Once people have been married for awhile, a lot of times that excitement gets replaced by the mundane daily grind of life. This is why those small things are always so important: Things like sending love notes, or going out on dates, or phone calls with nothing more to say other than "I love you". All of these things help bring back the excitement.
Some people go out and try to buy sexy underwear, or special oils, or er.. Viagra. None of this stuff will work unless the foundation is there for it to work. You need to have both things: Attraction and bonding.
Bringing back that feeling of closeness isn't really all that hard either. It involves taking time for one another, learning how one another feels loved, listening to the other person with an intent to understand.. It means putting the other person before you, but at the same time, remaining strong within yourself.
Basically, a strong, loving relationship usually doesn't have any of these problems. The only time that I can see it is when there's a medical issue involved, and for that it would take a specialized doctor to fix.
Either way, I wouldn't settle for a sexless marriage.. There's always something new to try - regardless of what those silly, pointless tests tell you.
I think there is much for you to gain by becoming more of a partner around the house. A partner in the kitchen is very likely to be a partner in the bedroom.
Every time I see this thread come back to the top I wonder....why would someone have to take a quiz to determine their marriage was sexless? Wouldn't it be kinda obvious?
*shrug*
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
