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I think this is a good article that discusses the subject I can't really disagree with anything the author of the article says.
Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes Single Women Make - Love + Sex on Shine (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/dating-advice-7-mistakes-single-women-make-580573/?pg=55#comments - broken link)
I think this is a good article that discusses the subject I can't really disagree with anything the author of the article says.
Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes Single Women Make - Love + Sex on Shine (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/dating-advice-7-mistakes-single-women-make-580573/?pg=55#comments - broken link)
The only problem with this is the use of the word "settling". It is a loaded word for many women, especially those with a long list of "must haves". Reading many of their posts, its obvious that most are convinced that to settle at all means rapidly going from a wonderful life mate to a slobbering abuser. Men know that this is garbage, but few listen to them.
Besides, in actual fact, all women settle, even if they deny it vehemently. They first make sure to get the superficial attributes that they know cannot be changed, are then smitten if such a man is able to satisfy their immediate needs. They then glance over the remaining (often more important) items on the list and say “Any man who makes me feel so good will surely meet these expectations.” Then after marriage, when the bloom is off the romance and his numerous flaws assert themselves, they again blame this on settling. No wonder it’s a loaded word.
I’m probably dreaming but if marriage is to ever recover from its current low point, there needs to be an attempt to find an alternate method for women to consider to assess men. I’m no advertising executive but the term that comes to me is “Total Package”. This gets women thinking about something other than a list to cross of items from. It promotes the idea that everyone is a bundle of things both good and bad and what one should be looking for is the best person they can find, on a net basis. Often this means weeding out guys with the really severe negatives without finding them out after marriage. The problem with this is that the superficial plays such a large part in the men that women are attracted to and will accept advances from. For it to work, they must be encouraged to realize that not only are superficial attributes are a smoke screen to obscure a valid analysis of a man, but it is also a very fleeting thing to base their future on.
The women’s movement has been remiss in this area. For a long time, they have been very vocal about men basing their judgment of women on looks but surprisingly, I have never heard any criticism about the reverse situation. Since the advent of the women’s movement in the 1960s, this has been a far bigger problem than women would like to think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx
You guys discuss women like you actually know what we want and think and you have no idea.
No. Men look at what women do and contrast it to what women say. What they actually want…….well few even want to try to get into that. It is too difficult and full of conflicts, to seriously contemplate.
I'm finding that to be the case with my father. He's separated from his third wife, doesn't really have friends, and is becoming quite the recluse. He had a very difficult time being alone when he was younger, but it's much easier for him now in his 70's.
If my dh leaves this life before I do, I'd be happy as a clam doing the 'golden girls' thing. I have several close girl friends, and I would love to live with them if the situation presented itself in our old age.
This post made me think of something from a while back. I take my mom to the Senior Center here now and then and I remember them doing a poll one of those times. More or less they wanted to know who still wanted a relationship and who was happy not having one. Granted, more women than men took the poll, but the vast majority of men still wanted to be involved and the women didn't! It seemed the women felt they had done their share of "taking care of men" and were done with it. The men still wanted to be "taken care of". Yep, even including the physical part. The women didn't care so much about that part. Maybe your dad has "got over" that part too which DOES make it easier to be alone.
Apparently throghout the 20's they still hold onto that dream
Would you say early 30's when the bioligical clock is ticking and they are forced by social stigmas of being single and the bioligical clock is ticking that they realize the perfect guy physically and emotionally doesnt exist and they "settle"??
Yeah, I agree..I kind of think its almost expected that men be the lonely old curmudgeons..whereas when women are older, single, and unhappy, they generally take on a much more unfavorable perception...especially if they are outwardly unhappy. Here is where I think that women's socializing skills serve them well. I think older single men are more likely to become more and more disheveled and secluded, as they develop a stubbornness and a"me against the world" mentality...some settle into this role quite well..or at least they adopt to it better than expected. And I would think that the early, even if sporadic, death rates of men makes it difficult for them to find friendships with many other men in their age range.
Women on the other hand, seem to not only want to but be able to form partnerships (albeit often outside of romantic relationships) in their old age.
Im hearing more and more about old single men, who are alone, and the only people they really interact with on a regular basis are their adult children, from time to time.
I can tell you, from experience, that older women are NOT all that into relationships with other older women. I've tried! The ones who still want a man in their life are afraid 'you' might get one and they won't. They also already have their cliques and they aren't into letting anyone else in.
Funny story...I went with a friend to a Senior Citizen event and there were two ladies, off in a corner, having a 'disagreement'. It concerned one of the ol' farts who also went there and they were arguing about "who he likes best"! It was getting a bit heated when, lo and behold, here comes said ol' fart...with another woman! Well, that made BOTH of them mad and they started in on the woman instead! Have to say, that just cracked me up!
I do like being a people watcher at the Senior Center.
The only problem with this is the use of the word "settling". It is a loaded word for many women, especially those with a long list of "must haves". Reading many of their posts, its obvious that most are convinced that to settle at all means rapidly going from a wonderful life mate to a slobbering abuser. Men know that this is garbage, but few listen to them.
Besides, in actual fact, all women settle, even if they deny it vehemently. They first make sure to get the superficial attributes that they know cannot be changed, are then smitten if such a man is able to satisfy their immediate needs. They then glance over the remaining (often more important) items on the list and say “Any man who makes me feel so good will surely meet these expectations.” Then after marriage, when the bloom is off the romance and his numerous flaws assert themselves, they again blame this on settling. No wonder it’s a loaded word.
I’m probably dreaming but if marriage is to ever recover from its current low point, there needs to be an attempt to find an alternate method for women to consider to assess men. I’m no advertising executive but the term that comes to me is “Total Package”. This gets women thinking about something other than a list to cross of items from. It promotes the idea that everyone is a bundle of things both good and bad and what one should be looking for is the best person they can find, on a net basis. Often this means weeding out guys with the really severe negatives without finding them out after marriage. The problem with this is that the superficial plays such a large part in the men that women are attracted to and will accept advances from. For it to work, they must be encouraged to realize that not only are superficial attributes are a smoke screen to obscure a valid analysis of a man, but it is also a very fleeting thing to base their future on.
The women’s movement has been remiss in this area. For a long time, they have been very vocal about men basing their judgment of women on looks but surprisingly, I have never heard any criticism about the reverse situation. Since the advent of the women’s movement in the 1960s, this has been a far bigger problem than women would like to think.
No. Men look at what women do and contrast it to what women say. What they actually want…….well few even want to try to get into that. It is too difficult and full of conflicts, to seriously contemplate.
I think one difference is yes men drool over hot girls...big deal so what, and women drool over hot guys. What's the difference? I only bring this up because usually when it comes to this subject that's what women like to complain about. The difference is men know they can't have her they just like to look at pretty women. They may even ask her out and give it a shot but they fully expect to be shot down, our attitude is ok whatever, we gave it a shot. Then we move on to who we realistically have a shot with.
The difference is women never seem to move on. They'll pass up 500 guys until she is 45 waiting for her Mr. Perfect....and then it's too late. Men may look for Ms. Perfect or Ms. Hotty but we know we'll probably never have her so we are quite content with just someone normal. Men pursue Ms. Perfect or Ms. Hotty but that doesn't mean that's all we are happy with or will be happy with...we're just giving it a shot since we have nothing to lose. We're just merely going on the hunt. Whereas women are waiting around for decades and never seem to get it that they will never have Mr. Perfect or Mr. Hotty.
The difference is men are pursuing what they have a chance with, and what they aren't sure they have a chance with at the same time. Women are waiting around for what they never had a chance with or never will have a chance with and they don't even consider who they really do have a chance with as an option. They just keep waiting and waiting for the unrealistic option. This is all fueled and combined with the self entitlement and princess syndrome that our society has pounded into women since they were 5 years old.
The beautiful girl was at a pond when the frog saw her..."Why, she must be dreaming about meeting her Prince Charming", thought the frog, who was really a handsome prince who had been cursed by a wicked witch. "Hello, fair lady!" the frog shouted up to the girl..."I am a handsome prince who has been cursed ... if you will but kiss me, I will once again take my rightful form, and will whisk you away to my castle where you shall be my princess, and where you can live to meet my every need, bear all my children, prepare my meals, take care of the castle, do my bidding and thus will live happily ever after!", he finished, as he puckered up to receive her grateful kiss.
. . .
Later that evening, as the beautiful girl dined on frogs legs in her own perfectly appointed and decorated castle which she owned, she smiled to herself and said. . .
that's right...keep reading...
. . .
"I don't f&$*ing think so!"
And THAT'S why we burned our bras, okay?
Yesterday I saw a trailer for the new Disney movie, The Princess and the Frog. She kissed him and turned into a frog herself! Cracked me up! LOL
The difference is women never seem to move on. They'll pass up 500 guys until she is 45 waiting for her Mr. Perfect....and then it's too late.
Men may look for Ms. Perfect or Ms. Hotty but we know we'll probably never have her so we are quite content with just someone normal. Men pursue Ms. Perfect or Ms. Hotty but that doesn't mean that's all we are happy with or will be happy with...we're just giving it a shot since we have nothing to lose. We're just merely going on the hunt. Whereas women are waiting around for decades and never seem to get it that they will never have Mr. Perfect or Mr. Hotty.
Au contraire! I married my wife when she was 48 (I was 50) and had been divorced and not looking for 18 years. Thirteen-plus years later she still thinks we're a pretty good fit.
Prior to that I was married for 25 years to a woman most other men thought was Ms. Hotty. She may have looked that way but was anything but!
If I outlive my wife I'm done. Two marriages is enough for one lifetime.
I know you are right, but think of the numbers. The vast majority of women want bad boys, and when badboys no longer are into them, they become bitter about that..
There are plenty of nice guys out there, but NOT enough women that actually want nice guys.
There's a problem. Not every nice guy can get a woman that wants to be with a nice guy. And chances are, the women he gets will be someone who resents settling for a nice guy.
50% divorce rate.
And no, the nice guy will not get the last laugh. Because he'll wind up raising the kid that the bad boy fathered, and then will get divorced by the woman who resents being with the nice guy.
Where the heck do you get your "numbers"?? Do you just go by what's written in forums like this? Do you actually research and find statistics that state this? If so I'd love to see them. I can only speak to my own experience, and the women I've known, but the vast majority of them sure don't fit your view of them.
The divorce rate has nothing to do with "nice guys". It has to do with bad relationships and the people who choose them.
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Total Package
Well, that made BOTH of them mad and they started in on the woman instead! Have to say, that just cracked me up! 
