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Old 12-07-2009, 10:11 PM
 
647 posts, read 1,420,132 times
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Is there a difference between being an average guy and a nice guy?
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
2,117 posts, read 5,359,458 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiemeister View Post
My theory on why females seem to prefer the bad boys goes something like this... in the cave man days men had to be strong and aggressive to survive the elements so women were more protected and able to survive if they hooked up with the most aggressive male. We are genetically programmed to be attracted to the bad boys or maybe some women like a challenge. I am sure there is some real research on this topic since it is a common scenario.
I think the entire thread is missing something - no one has yet defined 'bad boy'.

What are we talking about here? Is this the guy getting out of prison? The guy with no job that sits around at the bar all day? The guy that insults people in public all day? The guy that gets into fights?

I think the general idea here is that the women date bad boys until they get married?

During high school the girls did not date the 'bad boys'. The girls dated the boys that had their act together.

Later on in life as I've seen it, women also date guys that have their act together.

I think it's pretty inconceivable to think that women are actually so dumb to go for a man that cannot provide for a woman in a relationship or marriage.

But - I guess the 'bad boy' we're talking about is a man that is abusive emotionally? Again, most relationships and people I know aren't in an abusive relationship or short term fling relationships with 'bad boys'.

My point - women dating bad boys simple doesn't happen as often as one thinks. I think that is just a cop out for the nice-clingy guys that can't get any.
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:19 PM
 
Location: California
37,097 posts, read 42,098,467 times
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I think it's because some "nice guys" are often seen as desperate. Nice guys do best when they have a lot going for them in life and let the women see how nice it would be to be part of that. That way they don't have to do the persuing.
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:20 PM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,410,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WIZENC View Post
Why is it that the nice guys are always the second or third option for women? You would think that a person with most of the qualities that women preach about would be the first choice, it never happens like that. Can a woman explain this to me?
Most men define nice guys in the same way: They're just good people, but a bit shy.

The definition of a nice guy is completely different when you ask a woman. Women see nice guys as being someone who is insecure, always searching for approval, needy, desperate, and they tend to over dramatize everything. A lot of times this is exactly right, but then again, a lot of times it isn't.

When you start looking at what women really want, typically, it isn't a "nice guy", but rather a "confident guy". Confident men can have the same traits as the typical "nice guy", but they are a hell of a lot more interesting.

You have to ask yourself, "What is it that women are attracted to?". Attraction, in the beginning, is more important than anything else. Why do you walk up and start talking to a complete stranger? -Because you're attracted to them, there's something about them that makes you interested, and you want to find out what that person is like. Women don't walk up to the "nice guy" sitting in the corner by himself, nor do they walk up to that "nice guy" that has absolutely nothing to offer initially.

So, what are women attracted to? It's usually not money, and it usually isn't looks - most normally, it's personality. Someone who shows that they have confidence and a good sense of humor is going to be a lot more interesting to talk to than someone who just kinda hangs back in the crowd.

Once you have that initial attraction, then you can start developing the relationship.

Here's the kicker - "nice guys" don't have to portray the typical "nice guy" image. Nope, not at all.. A "nice guy" can have confidence and a good sense of humor, but at the same time, they can also have all of those things that women say they want.

Thing is, you just have to find a balance. Be yourself, but at the same time, increase your confidence. Once you're able to comfortably talk to women, make jokes with them, pick on them, whatever, then you'll find that you're meeting a lot more women who will give you priority.

You don't have to change who you are, just change your perception of the world around you.

I'm not a woman, but I hope that that helps somehow..

I wish you the best!
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I'm not a woman, but I hope that that helps somehow..
It should! It's right on the money! Only that the losers will never get it...
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Old 12-08-2009, 09:37 AM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,616,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiemeister View Post
My theory on why females seem to prefer the bad boys goes something like this... in the cave man days men had to be strong and aggressive to survive the elements so women were more protected and able to survive if they hooked up with the most aggressive male. We are genetically programmed to be attracted to the bad boys or maybe some women like a challenge. I am sure there is some real research on this topic since it is a common scenario.
Interesting theory, but it falls apart pretty quickly. The bad boy might be stronger and more aggressive, but he's also less reliable. For the human species to have made it this far, women would've had to have selected males who could not only be good providers and produce strong, healthy progeny, but also stick around long enough to help raise those kids, at least long enough for those kids to have kids of their own. If women were all genetically programmed to go for the bad boys, then the human species probably wouldn't have lasted this long since we would've been reduced to a bunch of single moms and deadbeat dads. However much of women's preferences are genetically encoded and how much is environmental is up for debate. But if there is a strong genetic component, I'd expect it to favor men who fall between either of the two extremes. Not the bad boy who's an unreliable jerk, but not the weak nice guy who lacks confidence either. Instead, the guy in the middle who's strong and confident, but still nice and reliable is the one who's favored. And oddly enough, this is the guy most women say they want.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tommodonahue View Post
My point - women dating bad boys simple doesn't happen as often as one thinks. I think that is just a cop out for the nice-clingy guys that can't get any.
I agree. There's no shortage of women who are drawn to the bad boys. But it's overstated, probably by nice guys who'd rather blame women than look at their own shortcomings. What's also true is that many of the women who are drawn to bad boys have psychological issues of their own. So the natural selective pressures work out for the best. The women with "issues" don't end up with the good men. And the "nice" spineless guys end up alone.
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Old 12-08-2009, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,200 posts, read 18,344,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
But it's overstated, probably by nice guys who'd rather blame women than look at their own shortcomings. .
That's so true. I have a guy friend (I was interested in him when we first met but he "niced" his way into the friend zone) who constantly complains about how girls perfer to date jerks then him and he's such a nice guy.

His problem is

1: he reeks of desperation. He calls, texts, emails round the clock. Thinking of you, Missing You, Can't Wait to See You, etc, etc, etc...now yes women do want that from bf's or husbands but when it comes from a guy you just casually met at Ale House and briefly talked to on the phone it comes off as a little creepy.

2: He never has an opinion. Do you remember that scene from Coming To America "whatever you like"? That's exactly how he is...are you hungry? If you are. Where do you want to eat? Whatever you're in the mood for. Do you feel like watching a movie? If you want to. It's so annoying.

3. He complains about how girls never like him. newsflash no woman wants a man that no other woman wants...if no other woman wants you it's clear that there's something wrong with you that I just haven't spoted yet.

But everytime a girl stops answering his numerous calls and texts, he sits down and complains that she just couldn't appreciate a good man.
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:02 AM
 
Location: SE Florida
392 posts, read 1,094,368 times
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There is nice and then there is being a "ninny." You can be nice and still have appeal that most women find attractive. Sorry guys, but MOST (not all) women want a man to be just that, a man. They don't want you to be clingy, needy, whiny and a wimp. This does not mean they want you to go out and get a pit bull, tattoos, an old Harley and rob banks. All of you here are going from one extreme to the other.

The girly men on here are saying......."the girls don't want me because I'm a good guy and they want thugs." When the fact is, if you grew a pair and stopped wettin your pants and act like a freakin man, they might find you attractive. This does not mean you have to be a thug criminal. Women like to at feel like their guy can stand up for them if needed. They want confidence and a guy who has no excuses and just gets it done. Be confident and stop being a push over andthey will come!

With that said, some women are indeed into thugs and you should consider they too are criminals. Misery loves company and there is nothing you can do about that.
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:41 AM
 
5,313 posts, read 6,088,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natalayjones View Post

2: He never has an opinion. Do you remember that scene from Coming To America "whatever you like"? That's exactly how he is...are you hungry? If you are. Where do you want to eat? Whatever you're in the mood for. Do you feel like watching a movie? If you want to. It's so annoying.

3. He complains about how girls never like him. newsflash no woman wants a man that no other woman wants...if no other woman wants you it's clear that there's something wrong with you that I just haven't spoted yet.
These are the only ones i have a little issue with

WIth #2 that sounds like hes beign nice and wants to know what you want to eat or do why is that such a sin?

Does a man have to make every decison even for you??Sounds like women would rather a guy tell them what theyre gonna eat and do all the time..Do u want a equal partner or a dictator?

I want a women who wants equal input on things not somebody who wants me to make every decision,im here to be a partner not your father and tell you what to do and where to go

Somehow women psycho analyzing everything have come up with Men not being Men if they ask you what u want to eat or where u want to go

#3-How would you know if no other women wants the guy? Do you go around asking other women?
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:55 AM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,616,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
WIth #2 that sounds like hes beign nice and wants to know what you want to eat or do why is that such a sin?

Does a man have to make every decison even for you??Sounds like women would rather a guy tell them what theyre gonna eat and do all the time..Do u want a equal partner or a dictator?

I want a women who wants equal input on things not somebody who wants me to make every decision,im here to be a partner not your father and tell you what to do and where to go

Somehow women psycho analyzing everything have come up with Men not being Men if they ask you what u want to eat or where u want to go
It's good to be considerate of your partner, find out what they like and dislike. But some guys reach the point of indecision and always defer to their partner. That can get tiresome. Men find this indecisiveness unattractive as well. If my partner and I are in the mood to see a movie and she keeps saying "whatever you feel like seeing", that would get on my nerves after a while. I'd rather hear her say, "I'm open seeing A or B, but not C."
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