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Why would that make you an "idiot?" Because you're offended? Who's the focus here, you or her?
Yes, you can love through multiple episodes of cheating. No, you don't have to approve of it, or even accept it, but that has nothing to do with true love.
Refusing to love someone because of their behavior isn't love at all. It's pride, and pride is the enemy of love.
No, it is not always pride. Sometimes it is self-preservation.
No, it is not always pride. Sometimes it is self-preservation.
Why on earth would someone stay with somoene cheating on them over and over?
That is masochism, and codependency not love. That person may love them but int ehir cheating and lack of faithfulness there is no love from the other side.
Even the Bible allows for divorce in cases of fornication.
Last edited by WheredoIlive?; 12-07-2009 at 12:00 PM..
But that's the thing, nothing HAS happend to change how you feel. That doesn't mean nothing COULD. And something HAS happend to many others to change how they feel. That doesn't mean they are young or haven't gotten there yet, it means something happened to them that YOU didn't experience.
We can't expect our individual experiences with something to be replicated by everyone else. Life doesn't work that way.
Actually, many things HAVE happened in my life and marriage - I don't live a charmed life, lol.
I have worked very hard for all that I have attained because I was highly motivated to have what I have, DESPITE the things I have experienced.
And after all these years I can tell you with 110% assurity - nothing would ever change the way I feel about my husband
I feel like so many people on this thread have never been in love. You know love?! Where your greatest joy is making the other person happy? Where it is bigger than you and your petty desires. Where it doesn't matter what happens-obesity, paralysis, cancer, etc. you are there with them until death and are glad to be there. Sorry to rant, but I just had to get that off my chest.
Hi MsRiss7383,
I agree excepting things that are self inflicted like obesity which I regard as being in the same category as substance abuse. I would not leave anyone over it, but I view those things differently because it does matter. I hope my wife gets more out of this than I do. All have have to do is look at her in any condition and I am hooked all over again.
O.K., this is hard, but oh yeah baby, I've been in love. Not just in love, but in crazy, mad love. For thirty two years. Until April 15, 2007 when while laughing with my man, I turned away for one half a second, when I turned back he was straight as a board, redder than red, then fell back to the floor. He died seconds later in my arms. He always said he wanted to die young, fast and good looking. He managed to do exactly that and the plus, at home, in my arms. We both adored each other. He was twelve years older, I met him when I was eighteen, in a biker bar. And boy did we live. We lived each second of every day. We stayed true to us. To the very end, we just lived for each other. He was my passion, my heart, my smile. And I can't imagine having gone thirty two years any other way. I have a new man now, but it's not the same and although I find it so hard to believe I will never be as happy, not again in my whole life, as I was with my husband, at least I have some of my heart and smile back and always have the memories of the one true love I had. To know you love somone so much, to know they feel the same way about you, there are no words to describe that kind of passion and love. If I could give each person one gift in life, I would wish them the gift of true love, if even for a short time. Even as I held his body, kissing him and telling him how much I loved him, but it was O.K., for him to go one if he must, even then I had no regrets and would do every second over again with him. And how many are blessed enough to be there at the very last seconds of their loved ones life. To hold them, hear their last breath, feel their essence leave the body. What a long strange trip it was. Hold on people, hold on to love!
AMEN. You are one lucky lady! Though of course I am so sorry for your loss I know you understand the old saying, "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". Good for you, and I wish you better days again
The fact of the matter is there are tons of myths about "love".
Sometimes people do have to perserve themsevles if they get a partner who loses the plot. Self-destruction is not love like a woman following after a man who cheats and cheats over and over. This is different maybe then one time transgression.
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have to agree that I feel sorry, no sad, for those who have no belief, trust or need for true love. Those willing to settle for just what helps them get by, instead of that which helps them soar. There were some hard times with my man, his co went on the longest strike (at that time) in San Diego history, we were kicked out of our duplex, had to find another more expensive place, no money for bills, much less food, walking picket lines in the freezing cold, etc. But you know, we had a blast. Because we loved each other, we made it work for us and we did it laughing. We did simple things, like walking on the beach, he would take me fishing, something he hated to do, couldn't afford bait, I used pop tops and we sat out all night, catching nothing, next to a fire, freezing, hugging, laughing and enjoying each other. His love helped me to become the person I am today. Love doesn't just happen either, it takes commitment, hard work, forgiveness, but when it's the real deal, it's worth it. And even though in this day and age I am surrounded by nay sayers, I still believe that true rocking, hot, heavy, passionate, warm, love, is the only thing real. Everything else is here today, gone tomorrow. And for me now "In this world I still
What if your man had been unemployed for many years in a row? Would the love still be the same? when you are still going to get food stamps at age 45 and you look across the room at the guy who never could find a decent boss, and they "always did him dirty"? Think about what Im saying here.
I am just asking, because while love is nice and especially in early years of a relationship, young couples can deal with a lot of hardships together. But as the years tick by, illness, disappointments, can mount up. Love is blind and maybe that is a good thing, in propagating the species but for life decisions it can be a bad thing.
Love is nice, do not get me wrong. Even I am making decisions out of a foundation of friendship, religious beliefs, and caring about the person even if the romance went by the way side but Im balancing taking care of myself as well.
I just want to say what life can be like and what it can do to people. One thing, about love, if it is healthy, it will move past the stage of infautuation and blinded bliss. I think this the point where either a marriage makes it [both partners need to be on board] and it moves into a "new stage" or people get divorced. Life can throw some mighty curves at people. Character issues and others crop up. One's goals and what they want out of life differ.
I am sorry for some of my cynical posts on here, I do think love can be real for people, and it brought a LOT of JOY to my life even in pervious years. I do not want to burst anyone's bubbles. But there is some heavy factors to all this love stuff.
I once was told by a professor that "Love is a decision". I always have had that in my mind. Maybe that is true love, rather then the giddy infatuation. God can lead one to love even when it feels impossible. One thing about love, one does have to love themselves and not pour energy down the drain to those who do not love or support them. Too many women end up in that position as well. Balancing these things out can be hard.
Last edited by WheredoIlive?; 12-07-2009 at 12:12 PM..
Something is worth when it gives you more good moments than bad ones. That's not the case of love. The marriage day, that birthday party 10 years ago? You can count the good moments by your fingers.
The rest of it is the real deal: earning money, arguing over and over again, bills to be paid, the real life...
I feel like so many people on this thread have never been in love. You know love?! Where your greatest joy is making the other person happy? Where it is bigger than you and your petty desires. Where it doesn't matter what happens-obesity, paralysis, cancer, etc. you are there with them until death and are glad to be there. Sorry to rant, but I just had to get that off my chest.
Real, pure love is rare. From the posts in this thread you see some who don't believe in it, others who don't know what it is, some who think they know what it is but don't, and others like Littlewidow who've been lucky enough to experience it for all that it can be. Still others believe it's possible but are unable to completely give love. (It's not something you get or find; it's something you give and share.)
It's felt in different degrees, MsRiss. It took me nearly 50 years to know what love could be, and then, like yours, it was gone in an instant. And actually, I don't know if anyone really knows how strong it can be. Every day of my life with my late wife I felt like I loved her more than the day before, and that I couldn't love her any more than I did that day. And then it would be the next day, and I'd learn that I was wrong the day before -- that I did indeed love her more.
Littlewidow, I'm sure most of us felt sorrow for you in losing your husband, but you had more than most will ever have. Congratulations for that, and I hope someday you'll feel the same thing with your new partner. You already know how it can be; half the battle is over.
MissRiss, a lot of people on this board, not ALL, but a lot, seem very bitter, green/inexperienced, or just have no clue. Don't let the opinions of a few taint your view.
Actually, many things HAVE happened in my life and marriage - I don't live a charmed life, lol.
I have worked very hard for all that I have attained because I was highly motivated to have what I have, DESPITE the things I have experienced.
And after all these years I can tell you with 110% assurity - nothing would ever change the way I feel about my husband
If your husband decided to leave you for anothor women or treated you like crap after reevaluating his life or chose an additction over you...you would would feel different.
I'm not talking about the hard things in life, everyone deals with that, I'm talking about thing that you can't control....the other person.
Count yourself lucky, becasue trust me....it's nothing YOU have done.
And if you can honestly say you would still feel that same about your husband no matter what he did that isn't love, it's stupidity. And nothing to brag about.
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We both adored each other. He was twelve years older, I met him when I was eighteen, in a biker bar. And boy did we live. We lived each second of every day. We stayed true to us. To the very end, we just lived for each other. He was my passion, my heart, my smile. And I can't imagine having gone thirty two years any other way. I have a new man now, but it's not the same and although I find it so hard to believe I will never be as happy, not again in my whole life, as I was with my husband, at least I have some of my heart and smile back and always have the memories of the one true love I had. To know you love somone so much, to know they feel the same way about you, there are no words to describe that kind of passion and love. If I could give each person one gift in life, I would wish them the gift of true love, if even for a short time. Even as I held his body, kissing him and telling him how much I loved him, but it was O.K., for him to go one if he must, even then I had no regrets and would do every second over again with him. And how many are blessed enough to be there at the very last seconds of their loved ones life. To hold them, hear their last breath, feel their essence leave the body. What a long strange trip it was. Hold on people, hold on to love!
