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My husband and I can't compromised on purchasing a home. He's obsessed with wanting to buy something. But we can't agree on a house. He wants an old house that's a fixer while I want a newer house that is move in ready. (Not a brand new home since many of those subdivisions have been unfinished for a few years and who knows when tehy will be completed). But something built in late 90s.
But I don't know how to compromise on this. Neither of us are willing to budge.
Plus his company is moving locations in 2011 and I really have no idea how he plans on getting back and forth to work. (He has a driving anxiety). I'm scared because it was extremely stressful on me when I was driving him back and forth when we were living in another apartment last year.
It wouldn't be so bad if he was patient and willing to wait or go early to work when I had meetings. But he had no regard for that and I'd miss a lot of meetings due to having to pick him/drop him. (Sometimes I'd have meetings till 5 or they run after till 5:05 and he'd start harrassing me and calling me starting from 4:45).
We can easily get a really affordable newer, beautful home right near his new company location w/ great schools too! But he wants an older home in an older subdivision. (Which I can understand because house prices are a bit more stable there and mature landscaping). But they are so much more expensive, dated and need work. And he can't get to work from there! I just feel like why should I deal with picking/dropping him off AND live in an expensive, old house that he may potentially never fix.
I don't know what to do, I know I went on a rant, but I was trying to give a background to the question of how to compromise when we both are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
If neither of you are willing to budge, then it seems that you won't be purchasing a house.
However, if you decide that you are willing to compromise, I would suggest telling him that you are open to all types of properties (including older) if he is able to walk or take public transportation to work.
It seems that the possiblity of being responsible for driving him to work again is the real dealbreaker for you. So, I woud focus on that and show him that you are willing to compromise in other areas.
My husband and I can't compromised on purchasing a home. He's obsessed with wanting to buy something. But we can't agree on a house. He wants an old house that's a fixer while I want a newer house that is move in ready. (Not a brand new home since many of those subdivisions have been unfinished for a few years and who knows when tehy will be completed). But something built in late 90s.
But I don't know how to compromise on this. Neither of us are willing to budge.
Plus his company is moving locations in 2011 and I really have no idea how he plans on getting back and forth to work. (He has a driving anxiety). I'm scared because it was extremely stressful on me when I was driving him back and forth when we were living in another apartment last year.
It wouldn't be so bad if he was patient and willing to wait or go early to work when I had meetings. But he had no regard for that and I'd miss a lot of meetings due to having to pick him/drop him. (Sometimes I'd have meetings till 5 or they run after till 5:05 and he'd start harrassing me and calling me starting from 4:45).
We can easily get a really affordable newer, beautful home right near his new company location w/ great schools too! But he wants an older home in an older subdivision. (Which I can understand because house prices are a bit more stable there and mature landscaping). But they are so much more expensive, dated and need work. And he can't get to work from there! I just feel like why should I deal with picking/dropping him off AND live in an expensive, old house that he may potentially never fix.
I don't know what to do, I know I went on a rant, but I was trying to give a background to the question of how to compromise when we both are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
There is a little bird in my head that tells me that this issue is more about your relationship and not so much about a house.
It appears to the casual observer that there are some very serious control issues going on here. Your inability to agree/compromise on a house is just a symptom of a much deeper marital problem.
Allow me to suggest some counseling. (I see many of my fellow CD-ers out there nodding in agreement). If you do not tackle these issues now, they are only going to get worse in time. It would be better to work things out now, I believe.
My husband and I can't compromised on purchasing a home. He's obsessed with wanting to buy something. But we can't agree on a house. He wants an old house that's a fixer while I want a newer house that is move in ready. (Not a brand new home since many of those subdivisions have been unfinished for a few years and who knows when tehy will be completed). But something built in late 90s.
But I don't know how to compromise on this. Neither of us are willing to budge.
Plus his company is moving locations in 2011 and I really have no idea how he plans on getting back and forth to work. (He has a driving anxiety). I'm scared because it was extremely stressful on me when I was driving him back and forth when we were living in another apartment last year.
It wouldn't be so bad if he was patient and willing to wait or go early to work when I had meetings. But he had no regard for that and I'd miss a lot of meetings due to having to pick him/drop him. (Sometimes I'd have meetings till 5 or they run after till 5:05 and he'd start harrassing me and calling me starting from 4:45).
We can easily get a really affordable newer, beautful home right near his new company location w/ great schools too! But he wants an older home in an older subdivision. (Which I can understand because house prices are a bit more stable there and mature landscaping). But they are so much more expensive, dated and need work. And he can't get to work from there! I just feel like why should I deal with picking/dropping him off AND live in an expensive, old house that he may potentially never fix.
I don't know what to do, I know I went on a rant, but I was trying to give a background to the question of how to compromise when we both are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
I'm sure there is more to the story but your DH needs to get a car so he can drive himself to work. I'm not one to suggest drugs but he should look into beta blockers to help him relax when he is driving.
As far as a home, I'm with him, an older home is better! These new homes they build are nothing more then mobile homes on slabs of concrete. I'm self employed and I'm in and out of a lot of homes and buildings, and although the new homes look "nice" they are very cheap because builders skip out on quality building materials and they are more concerned with building a development very fast.
My husband and I can't compromised on purchasing a home. He's obsessed with wanting to buy something. But we can't agree on a house. He wants an old house that's a fixer while I want a newer house that is move in ready. (Not a brand new home since many of those subdivisions have been unfinished for a few years and who knows when tehy will be completed). But something built in late 90s.
But I don't know how to compromise on this. Neither of us are willing to budge.
Plus his company is moving locations in 2011 and I really have no idea how he plans on getting back and forth to work. (He has a driving anxiety). I'm scared because it was extremely stressful on me when I was driving him back and forth when we were living in another apartment last year.
It wouldn't be so bad if he was patient and willing to wait or go early to work when I had meetings. But he had no regard for that and I'd miss a lot of meetings due to having to pick him/drop him. (Sometimes I'd have meetings till 5 or they run after till 5:05 and he'd start harrassing me and calling me starting from 4:45).
We can easily get a really affordable newer, beautful home right near his new company location w/ great schools too! But he wants an older home in an older subdivision. (Which I can understand because house prices are a bit more stable there and mature landscaping). But they are so much more expensive, dated and need work. And he can't get to work from there! I just feel like why should I deal with picking/dropping him off AND live in an expensive, old house that he may potentially never fix.
I don't know what to do, I know I went on a rant, but I was trying to give a background to the question of how to compromise when we both are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
Hi callalillies - We've talked on the Charlotte forum in the past
If I remember correctly what I told you then is what I'll tell you now - until you are ready to quit enabling his anxieties you will continue to be overwhelmed and overworked.
I am not unsympathetic to his problem, but since it is HIS problem that he won't get help for, the least he can do is compromise and live where it most convenient for you and your whole family. You should stand up to him and tell him so.
IF his behaviors weren't so handicapping to you THEN he would get some say so in where you live. But as long as he requires your constant attention and driving him to and from at HIS convenience, he loses the right to be picky about where he lives. If you can't bring yourself to stand up to him and tell him so then let him read this thread you have created and our responses to it.
Maybe he can ride a motorized scooter? Can you do golf carts in your area? I know if it were ME, I wouldn't be schlepping his ass to and from work. I'd put my phone on silent or off and call him when it was convenient for ME.
As for the house, if he's not going to fix up a fixer upper, I'd certainly go for newer. I have a friend whose husband has been procrastinating on fixing things for YEARS. She finally had enough and hired people to come in and do everything he was supposed to do. Of course he got all bent out of shape about it, but hey - he couldn't be "bothered" to do what he had been promising to do, so she had to take matters into her own hands. Don't be that person.
I feel your pain (to a certain degree), my b/f and I have been househunting quite a while now. Like your hubby, he wants a "fixer upper" and I would prefer to have something move-in ready.
To further complicate things, we know what we can afford (easily) and he wants something with tons of features for dirt cheap. He wants this state-of-the-art garage and room to add on another garage if he wants, he wants an amazing kitchen and basically a shack of a house.
Even though we both have the ability and skills where we could do a fixer upper, neither of us has the time or motivation so we are always back and forth on houses.... one day we'll find the perfect home though! LOL
My advice, take a break from looking and regroup. If you hubby's company is moving, that's a very serious thing to consider waiting to buy a house for.
My husband and I can't compromised on purchasing a home. He's obsessed with wanting to buy something. But we can't agree on a house. He wants an old house that's a fixer while I want a newer house that is move in ready. (Not a brand new home since many of those subdivisions have been unfinished for a few years and who knows when tehy will be completed). But something built in late 90s.
But I don't know how to compromise on this. Neither of us are willing to budge.
Plus his company is moving locations in 2011 and I really have no idea how he plans on getting back and forth to work. (He has a driving anxiety). I'm scared because it was extremely stressful on me when I was driving him back and forth when we were living in another apartment last year. It wouldn't be so bad if he was patient and willing to wait or go early to work when I had meetings. But he had no regard for that and I'd miss a lot of meetings due to having to pick him/drop him. (Sometimes I'd have meetings till 5 or they run after till 5:05 and he'd start harrassing me and calling me starting from 4:45).
We can easily get a really affordable newer, beautful home right near his new company location w/ great schools too! But he wants an older home in an older subdivision. (Which I can understand because house prices are a bit more stable there and mature landscaping). But they are so much more expensive, dated and need work. And he can't get to work from there! I just feel like why should I deal with picking/dropping him off AND live in an expensive, old house that he may potentially never fix.
I don't know what to do, I know I went on a rant, but I was trying to give a background to the question of how to compromise when we both are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
You have bigger problems than finding a house on your hands. HE wants to tell you what kind of house to buy, HE wants you to take him to work and HE has no regard for your work schedule even though you are taking HIM to work.
If he is so inconsiderate, why do you think he would fix up the house?
Before you consider purchasing a home with this man, you've got to work on this anxiety/driving issue. It is not feasible to think you are going to cart this man off to work every day for the rest of your life. He has to take ownership of his disorder and how to remedy it. Once this issue is has been resolved, it may put the two of you in a better position to compromise with each other. Good luck!
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HE wants to tell you what kind of house to buy, HE wants you to take him to work and HE has no regard for your work schedule even though you are taking HIM to work. 
