Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
idk exactly how to analyze that one, but i find it funny he couldnt say this when we talked. anyway thats it. let me know if you have any thoughts on the convo or text. thanks .
Don't analyze it. The text, the phone convo...nothing. Move on and eventually (hopefully?) he will too.
I'm a 20-year-old girl in college about 4 hours away from home and I've been with who I think is a great guy for about 6 months. He is 26; a little older, but we work well together. We have a long-term relationship that works out really well. Our families have been friends for years through sports, so we have had a friendly relationship for years before we started dating seriously.
It sounds cliche, but we have so much in common and we both understand each other very well. We are both only-children, both played the same sport, both grew up in the same places, etc. we even say the same words and phrases and have the same views on life.
So I noticed he can be a little crazy when he has a couple drinks, but nothing outrageous. I can be too, but all in good fun! We have a good time but nothing actually dangerous happens just alot of laughs kind of thing. I feel it's okay to have this kind of fun sometimes, while still being able to be yourself.
Ok, with that said, we've never had a fight, but boy did we have one on Thanksgiving. I decided to spend the day at his house, and my mom was coming over later for the first time for desert. Everything was fine the whole day, until everyone had a couple drinks. I could tell he was a little annoyed at his parents during the day for some reason but I didnt say anything. My mom comes over, and he starts acting very strange and angry and annoyed that she is there. Long story short, he KICKS her out of his house at the end of the night. Wasn't even that late, around nine thirty. His mom decided to go to bed early (she is an older woman) and his father was in the bathroom when he said to my mom, "You, it's time to get out." I asked him if he was ok; everyone was shocked! He said, "Im serious, get out, my mom is in bed it's time for you to go" I was so shocked and so was my mother we thought it was a joke at first but it wasn't. I was supposed to sleep over but obviously, now i wasnt. I said "that was so rude, you're kicking my mom out of your house?! Well I guess Im leaving too then" and he just said alright. seeya.
I was completely embarrassed and shocked at the event. He was obviously drunk, but I have been with him before when hes been drunk but never acted nasty like that before.
The next day he asked me when I was coming over, oblivious and ignoring the fact that I may be upset or that he was wrong to do that. I gave him my mom's number and he apologized to her, but the conversation got heated and he started calling her a bad mother, bad names, and not there for her daughter, and that Im 20 yrs old and can do what I want!? I asked him after why he argued with my mom when he should be apologizing, and he at first denied the names he called her. Then said the reason he got mad thanksgiving was because he thought she hated him, and when he was younger he had a problem with accepting that people didn't like him, so when he drinks and is with someone who he thinks doesnt lie him, the bad attitude comes out. He had A.D.D. as a child, so maybe this is a part of that? I said even if that was so, youre older and should know when to control yourself when this happens. Especially when it's your gf's mother and the first time she visits! (I have never said my mother hated him, although in the beginning of our relationship I did say she was skeptical of his age and some of his college stories. I told him she was just being a mother, just very protective and in a dry sense of humor kind of way. As our relationship grew, she became more open to him. So, I think he must have misunderstood what I said. Even so, there isnt an excuse for that behavior to happen, twice.)
He has said he loves me in the past and that I am the girl for him. He can "feel it in his gut, unlike other girls he has dated". I kind of believe him, however I also believe you don't embarrass someone you "love" even if he thought my mother didn't like him or he didnt like her! It's a deal breaker rule of the universe you shouldn't break right? Was he just saying he loved me? My mom said she for real doesn't trust him now and never will. She said you can do what you want obviously, you are 20 and Ill always love you but i cant support that. I don't blame her!
So the question is, should i give him a second chance? He said he was just having a bad day. Was it? Will it happen again? It happened twice-- he disrespected my mom twice. I was starting to really love him before this happened! Everything else about him is so great, however this is a huge untolerable flaw, right? I really did believe he was perfect for me and he said he wouldnt be able to live without me before. It hurts because it all happened so fast, in a weekend. He apologized to me a million times, but I can't tell if he is sorry I'm mad, but not sorry at my mom. Everything was peachy until thanksgiving freakkout. I don't want to breakup with him because we really connect so well on every level. He is my first serious boyfriend and I know I am young, but I felt at one time before this happened he had potential to be the one for me. I feel he has almost every piece of the recipe for the perfect guy for me; I have never seen another guy like him before with so many similar qualities, who knows if I will again? We understand each other, but isn't this fight something that should really end a relationship? How should I handle this?
Thanks for taking a look
Sure, give him a second chance. And a third one and a fourth one and......Classy guy.
so i finished finals yesterday, (tues) and wanted to break it off when i got home from school (this friday) but I didnt want to string things along any further. He was getting the idea anyway because he was sending me things like where do we stand, are we still together, if you wanna breakup let me know so i can move on, etc. so i finally did it.
By the way, a couple days ago he sent me a message saying he got me something special. Welp, it ended up being a diamond necklace (this would be the first jewelry he wouldve ever given me). Dont worry. I didnt fall for it. I can understand how sorry he is by investing in something that special, but i cant help but think its just a desperate, kiss-ass move because he knows our relationship is headed for the gutters. And he can always return it if we break it off right. I know he did actually buy one because he sent me a picture text. Honestly, the whole thing is sketchy. Thats the sort of special thing you show someone in person right? Or maybe he just was desperate and wanted to tell me as soon as he could. Either way, diamonds dont work on me as an apology for what he did...
SO yesterday i didnt want to be asked if we were still together again so i called him. Said i didnt want to chance having that kind of abuse or potential violence in the future, because i honestly dont know how he'll react. He said he understands.(but if he wasnt potentially abusive, wouldnt he have said so right then? instead of agreeing?) He was Just agreeing with everything I was saying. I said i dont think i can deal with someone who disses me and my mom like that, he said he knows what i mean and to know where we stand. He wanted to know if he could move on and meet knew people, get his house and take other steps etc and if i was in or out and to tell him what i wanted to do. I said i had so many mixed emotions the last few weeks because everything happened so quickly and that i still liked him but couldnt deal with the red flags. So he said ok, it took you this long to tell me this and said alright, it is what it is. He said he knows he messed up big time but if thats what i want to do then ok. We both said no hard feelings. He said hed prob take my number out of his phone so he doesnt bother me. He said good luck but maybe ill see u in the summer. I didnt really answer this. We both said it was a fun run and that was it.
Ive had some tough **** in my life, but that had to be one of the hardest things ive ever done. First love i guess...
ANyways so this morning i get a text. (broke up last night) and this is what it says:
Mornin. Ive decided after much needed sleep i wont move on. ur my baby. take all the time you need, i want u to come back and help me renovate my place in the summer. Just want you to come back to me eventually. mwah.
So basically he was trying to hide that he still had feelings for me in our conversation last night. He was acting passive and indifferent trying to see if thats what i really wanted to do, saying alright good luck then, like i was gonna change my mind. also, i love how it says " Ive decided after much needed sleep i wont move on." kinda sounds selfish? Like he'll let me come back? idk exactly how to analyze that one, but i find it funny he couldnt say this when we talked. anyway thats it. let me know if you have any thoughts on the convo or text. thanks .
oh boy. He was playing you! He did that on the off chance you'd be stupid enough to fall for everything he said and give him another chance. Once he saw you weren't going for it he got more desparate with his text. BE CAREFUL. He sounds as though he has real potential to be an obsessed stalker.
At this point, you have to send him a clear message - tell him the ship has sailed and there is no going back to the dock. Tell him IT'S OVER, leave him no hope at all. In addition to being the best thing for you, you will be doing him a favor - teaching him a very valuable life lesson that he desparately needs to learn.
Uhhh... I think your relationship was doomed to fail from the start. There's way too many red flags. Sorry, I think he's way too older than you to begin with for you to even be involved with. You're 20 and he's 26. He knows what it's like to be your age 6 times over and you're not even old enough to drink. You're in college too. You have options.
ANyways so this morning i get a text. (broke up last night) and this is what it says:
Mornin. Ive decided after much needed sleep i wont move on. ur my baby. take all the time you need, i want u to come back and help me renovate my place in the summer. Just want you to come back to me eventually. mwah.
He is a controlling alcoholic. He is dangerous. Stick to your guns. Yeah, this is the hardest thing you've ever done. Just imagine how MUCH harder it would be if you were married, had two kids, and he continued being emotionally abusive. First it is words, then it is emotions, then it is hitting.
Please do not give him a second chance. He has a problem with alcohol and controlling his behavior. It will probably only get worse. He probably asked you when you were coming over the next day like nothing happened because he didn't even remember what happened.
You are so young. You can have a beautiful life ahead of you with love, stability and peace only if you choose the right person. There is no need for you to choose someone who is causing you and your family pain, especially this early on. It is just not worth it to waste your time. Break up and find someone better. YOU deserve it.
ANyways so this morning i get a text. (broke up last night) and this is what it says:
Mornin. Ive decided after much needed sleep i wont move on. ur my baby. take all the time you need, i want u to come back and help me renovate my place in the summer. Just want you to come back to me eventually. mwah.
That's creepy. So are the diamonds. That's just too weird, and I've had some weird guys in my life. This is not ADD behavior--I have ADD and have had some social problems in the past because of it, but I never reacted like this--if anything, I'm overly forgiving. I don't think it's simple alcoholism either, or ADD/alcoholism. There is some very dark and troubling mental illness going on here. I'm glad you stood firm--you sound like a very mature young lady and I'm impressed you got thru your finals with this stress going on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
