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BREAKING NEWS: People who have come from unstable, confusing, or abusive home lives often do have psychological or emotional issues, and these can manifest in unhealthy behaviors. Those people need HELP. If you can't help them, step away - do it kindly. If you can help, be prepared for a difficult ride.
You sound like you can't help those people and are gloating about it.
right on target as far as where you capitalized the word Help... after that, no... even if you are a mental health professional, "the partner" is the one person these folks will NOT accept help from... instead, they will see you as a convenient "excuse" to not get help even when/where it's available (including from counseling services, etc.)... they'll both blame you for their problems/behavior and expect you to be fully "accepting" and "tolerant" of it... if they're serious about getting help, they'll do it without a spouse/partner in their life.
Well, I refuse to get into any relationship with a man who is a serial killer, brings his bodies home to dismember before disposing of them and REFUSES to clean up the mess. I just will not put up with that.
OMG Mightyqueen, have you no compassion or understanding for his poor messed up childhood
all i can say is wow! I did not think one person could have so many requirements for a relationship. Must be hot, prefer long hair, must be hot, have great legs, must be hot and now no "daddy" issues. Your wife is pretty special..i'll give you that.
The planets have aligned and i happen to agree with you that some women have allowed the absence of a father to define relationships with men well into their later years. However, i am shocked you would so quickly dismiss someone because they did not have a father figure in their life. So you don't think women who have fathers in the home are ever exposed to psycological traumas such as mental, physical or sexual abuse? That it was the "leave it to beaver" life? Come on...i know you are smarter than that.
I happen to come from single parent home, hell, even my mother was mia from time to time. I call your theory bs and the fact you are using a vh1 reality show to prove such a point only validates my impression of your character.
Oh, btw...i have only been married once, going on our 19th year together.....but i guess i "overcame" as you call it.
i totally agree with the OP, but i think people are getting it twisted. there doesn't have to be any kind of physical, sexual, or verbal abuse for a woman to have, "daddy issues". just having a father who doesn't actively participate in your life can leave a child with, "daddy issues." i believe that if a woman doesn't have a male role model that provides her with an example of how a good man is suppose to treat a woman and sits her down to explain to her how to weed through the riff-raff, then that woman is probably going to have a hard time building relationships with men. of course, i feel the same way about men who didn't have a good father figure. they aren't taught how a man is suppose conduct himself. and of course, anyone can, "overcome" the situation, but that doesn't mean what the OP is saying has no validity.
Last edited by GTOWN_REPRESENTA; 12-10-2009 at 02:46 PM..
Its not about choosing to help them or not. Its about who I would choose NOT to get involved in relationship with. If I remember correctly, I started this thread in the relationships forum because of the impact these issues have on relationships. I didnt start it in the Health/Mental Issues forum and dont really want to get into a discussion here about it, but if you want to, maybe you can start a thread topic there.
Again, not gloating about anything. Just saying that I would not want to be in a relationship with them. Would you choose to be in a relationship with a recovering drug addict alcoholic who is paralyzed from the waist down? They to need help and are dealing with psychological and emotional issues. So I hope you get the point Im trying to make here. Its about ME choosing not to have to deal with those issues in a relationship. Building and maintaining relationships are already difficult, why choose (if given the choice) to be in a more difficult situation than less?
Nice try but you DID post about a psychological and emotional issue as well as your NEED for a perfect, Stepford woman in your life. Stop trying to dodge the mental health factors which, by the way, may be part and parcel of your own seeming need for perfection in a mate.
By the way, before I asked my wife to marry me she had already told me about having periodic, severe depressions since about age 12. It took about four years for me to realize that she is bipolar and now she's successfully treated. But the point is, I came into the marriage with my eyes open.
Everyone has issues. Some are just greater than others. But an issue does not and should not, in most cases (being a serial rapist or murderer are obvious exceptions), define the individual. An issue is just one facet of a multi-faceted human being.
I think you set yourself for either superiority or disappointment, or both. That's not an insult. It's merely an observation.
I'll probably get some heat from people here about this but I dont care. This is something that I strongly believe and have felt this way all of my life. Its also why I never and I mean NEVER got into a serious relationship with any woman who had "daddy" issues or even was raised in broken family without a father figure. Ive had great relationships with people so I think I am on to something. The few that I did date (as in NOT serious/committed relationship) with daddy/male role model issues all seemed to become crazy psycho beeyatches eventually.
Just watch the first 7-8 minutes of this VH1 show Tough Love where the relationship issues having women talk/cry/breakdown about the relationships with male/father figures in their life and why/how it affects them in their relationships today.
Seriously, I know its really sad, but I dont know how the guy kept a straight face when the one woman who looked to be no younger than 55 years old, started reading her poem to her father. He just said "Beautiful" when I know on the inside he was cracking up and thinking "This is why you will NEVER EVER EVER find ANYONE to be with you, EVER."
Im not bashing women, Im just saying that women with father issues and women who were raised without father figures never had a chance with me because I know and believe they have just too much baggage to have successful (as in long lasting marriage) relationships. Sure there may be few who overcame these issues, but MOST will have difficulties.
Are you referring to the woman "Rocky" ? Not her first reality show. Remember her from a show about wannabe show biz moms and their kids, I think on Bravo, maybe one season, shes just nuts.
I am disgusted that people think like this. what about people who have perfectly healthy upbringings and still wind up causing problems in relationships? I have friends like this and I have dated someone like this, it's called insecurity, which would be a better reason to avoid getting into a relationship with anyone over so-called parental issues..but meh...to each their own I guess.
I am disgusted that people think like this. what about people who have perfectly healthy upbringings and still wind up causing problems in relationships? I have friends like this and I have dated someone like this, it's called insecurity, which would be a better reason to avoid getting into a relationship with anyone over so-called parental issues..but meh...to each their own I guess.
no one is saying that you can't become screwed up with a loving 2 parent household, what is being said is your chances of being an emotionally stable person increase dramatically when you do come up in that enviroment and decrease dramatically when you don't. there's boundless amounts of research that support this. its not set in stone that you will be screwed up if your dad isn't around, but statistics say that the chances of you being so are greater.
no one is saying that you can't become screwed up with a loving 2 parent household, what is being said is your chances of being an emotionally stable person increase dramatically when you do come up in that enviroment and decrease dramatically when you don't. there's boundless amounts of research that support this. its not set in stone that you will be screwed up if your dad isn't around, but statistics say that the chances of you being so are greater.
yes, you have a point and I agree! but the ones who don't want to be emotionally unstable will make a change..I think that needs to be commended rather than someone turning their back on someone who has made a change without finding out their story. It's just like an alcoholic who decides to go to rehab and commits to being stable and then becomes stable for years after that. My best friends husband was a druggie when she met him, to her luck, he got help and commited to that and 8 years later, they're still together and happy. I'm sure if she turned her back on him, he wouldn't have seen the point in getting help. Love helps people overcome a loooot of things/ or makes them at least want to. Now I'm not saying I would want to be with someone unstable because I believe no matter how you were brought up, it is your choice ultimately. People I want to be around, are those who have overcome these types of obstacles and can still find a way to be positive and stable. those who choose to be miserable and insecure are making excuses, especially if it is because of a certain parent not being a part of their lives. Once you're an adult, the world is all yours in which you can make your life happen for the better.
I have a friend who grew up in foster care because her dad didn't want her after her mother died when she was just 7. she's pretty stable to me, why? because she chose not to be unstable. I think that is what counts. she has her own career, own apartment, great friends who care about her and she never chose to do drugs to make her problems "go away".
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Your wife is pretty special..i'll give you that.
