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Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
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IMHO, you're doing the right thing. It took me years to completely get over my 1st love (we were married 20 years). Each year is a little easier, the pain a little less. Till one day, you realize you haven't thought about him for a long time. Recently, my ex had a major health issue. I had always thought I would be really upset if that had ever happened, but it was like I was hearing it about the guy down the street. I felt bad, but it wasn't my concern any more.
I agree with nomoresnow ...getting over a lover can take years or at the very least a long time, but time does indeed heal the wounds, the longing, and the lonliness. I am sure u want to know how much time it takes. I apologize for not having the answer because it is different for every person, but be encouraged in time...day by day u will get better and stronger. One day u will notice u r not in love with him anymore. I was deeply and forever in love with my ex. One day I remembered he is just somebody I used to love and remembering did not hurt or stir up any emotional response. Cheer up...it will be the same for u. U will be so over him u will hardly remember his name.
Well it has been fifteen years, and two other men and I still think about him everyday and I am not over it, and never will be. He just died a few weeks ago,so it is really tough now. But now it is over. He was married. It was a rocky relationship due to his drug use. I tried to get back together a few years ago, and thought he did to, but I guess he did'nt want to do it. I should have not felt this way about him but he had a way of making you believe you were the only one no matter what he did. I am the one who broke up with him in the first place and I regretted it everyday for all those years. If I had of stuck it out a little longer maybe things would have been different. Now I will never know. I never even talked to him when he called me the last time. There was to much bitterness and resentment over all he had done.Anyway I think a lot of people con't let go. I am one of them I am chained to his memory.
Well it's interesting to see this thread revived. I posted that almost 2 months ago and since that time I have had no contact with the guy. I'll give him credit for respecting my wishes and I feel considerably less fractured than I did back then.
I'm still at the place where I'm considering him a cad----- and I don't know if that will change. But time does seem to be healing some of this and allowing me to see things more clearly. He has made a few moves to get my attention (through mutual friends and acquaintances) but I haven't taken the bait- which I'm sure confuses the heck out of him.
So for the person who revived this and is in the middle of their hell....... get away from the situation as soon as you can. Stop living in the same house and stop rehashing things with her. Find your peace of mind- it may take several months but if you read my first post here and compare it to today's, you can see the proof that you will heal.
i understand pirate girl my ex broke up with me months ago but we still live together i love her very much and am still devastated that she no longer wants to be with me
she is younger than i I am30 and want to settle down she wants to be in the whole gay party scene i'm over that
she still wants to sleep n my bed and gets mad when i say no so she sleeps on the couch but every nite sh'e online and on hte phone line trying to meet someone
she says she doesnt want another relationship and she cares for me but not like that after her being my best friend for 2 years and my heart this is hard
i cant wait for her to move out i need closure and right now i cant be her friend i'm still n love with her i'm hoping time heals all wounds but we'll see
Location: Milky Way Galaxy,Earth,Northern Hemisphere,North America,USA,Pennsyltucky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate girl
I'm still at the place where I'm considering him a cad----- and I don't know if that will change. But time does seem to be healing some of this and allowing me to see things more clearly. He has made a few moves to get my attention (through mutual friends and acquaintances) but I haven't taken the bait- which I'm sure confuses the heck out of him.
Glad to see that you're healing. Your post sounded like what happened with me. Relationship never really got off the ground. He wanted to be just 'friends', but was jealous when I couldn't go out with him. Serious control issues. The day before I got married, he emailed me, wanting information on the guy I was marrying, when I met him, how long I knew him, etc. Sick.
And yes, he was/is a cad. And I told him so. That was at the end of 2003 when I finally broke it off completely. I wanted no more contact with him. I needed to heal. Months of crying. Going out with other guys who I tried to not compare them with him, but did anyway. I almost dumped my husband when we first started dating. He had none of the good qualities that my ex bf had, but better than that, he also had all of the good qualities that my ex bf didn't have. Such as honesty, integrity, honor, respect for me.
I still think of him, yes - but no longer with that ache in my heart. I find there are days when I haven't thought of him at all. In time, I know that'll come to weeks, months and years. He still emails me, but not much, only maybe once or twice a year.
He has never married, and I suspect, never will.
My husband had never married before meeting me.
I agree with your asking for space. I am so sorry that you are in pain. Break-ups suck and automatically come with a mourning period. If this helps, whenever I had broken up with someone (or they with me) I made sure to remember the reasons why. Whenever I'd think that I missed them I would make myself think of the 'why' we broke up. You break up for a reason and to mourn the demise of a relationship is to mourn their not being the person you had thought they were. My only caution is to not trash the other person. Remember that at one time they seemed like a good idea. To run someone down (not that you have) reflects on your judgement too.
I am heart broken. A woman I am deeply in love with broke up with me this week. I hurt like I have never hurt before even my previous divorce was not this bad. She has met someone else. The hard part is I have to talk to her over the phone daily, several times. She is trying to be friends but doesn't realize the extreme pain I am in, sleeplessness, can't eat, I cry every day. It is hard for me to get them out of my head. This is a terrible time for me.
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i feel u
