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Here's my problem: I liked her, we talked for hours, I had fun. But I felt incredibly guilty and sorry for her. I'm a very active person and I don't know if I could live without being able to play sports (eventhough I know at some point I won't be able to anymore.) I realize she's had it her whole life and she seemed content with it, but I don't know if I could handle it or get over it. I felt absolutely terrible after I left. Ultimately I realized how much of a dick I am for letting her disability get in the way of potentially a good relationship. Therefore I'm pretty much deciding to quit dating. I don't think I have the moral character to be a good partner and I realized how low I really am, and I wouldn't wish myself on any girl.
Feel free to comment, I just had to let it out on paper.
This part of your post really stood out to me. That you acknowledge this and feel bad about it, is proof of good moral character.
Do not date her or stay friends with her out of pity. If you felt compassion/empathy/concern for her- then you have to make the choice about friendship/dating.
Because the fact of the matter, like it or not, is that a lot of people are going to be turned off by it and she's setting herself up for disappointment. Not saying it's "right", but it's the truth.
We can pretend that these things don't matter, but to most people they do.
She already let him know that she "was born with a small disability in her leg."
What did the girl specifically do wrong? If she added, "...and I can only lift up to XX pounds with my arms." Would she be golden then?
She already let him know that she "was born with a small disability in her leg."
What did the girl specifically do wrong? If she added, "...and I can only lift up to XX pounds with my arms." Would she be golden then?
It just seems each girl I've met that had high interest in me have all wanted to move through the dating process rather quickly. I just play it cool, try to slow it down subtley. Again, I don't get weirded out anymore, it's just a very obvious indicator. It's important to slow it down. I entered a relationship with a girl who sped up the process very fast and I realized first hand why it's a mistake. Date 2 I had met all her friends, date 3 we had hooked up, date 4 she was demanding that I be her boyfriend. I went along and I regretted it later. No big deal, that's just the way some women are.
Oh sure, I don't doubt that happens at all. Some people just prefer to not waste time and want to get the initial meeting out of the way ASAP. Now the rest of the stuff you gave in your example...that's moving a little too fast. Wonder how many dates it would have taken before she expected you to propose?! lol
I don't think you are shallow. I wouldn't lead her on though. There will be guys who think its not a big deal and she sounds like a great girl who deserves to find those guys. Nobody is perfect and everyone has to decide for themselves what "imperfections" they are okay with in the person they date.
If she didn't have her disability, where would you see this going?
Its your call. However as one poster here said, do not lead her on. She's probably no dummy and used to guys turning her away because of her disability.
For the record, I held nothing against her in terms of not fully revealing her entire disability. She was honest up front so I have to give her credit. Most women don't reveal that their pictures are from 5 years ago and that they've gained a ton of weight and could play Nose Guard for the Dallas Cowboys. She gets major props for at least saying something. I can understand her reservations, it's tough when something like that can prevent you from getting a date, it's hard enough for me even. I'd say maybe 5 out of 100 emails I sent out get a response. 1 of those 5 I may get a date.
If she didn't have her disability, where would you see this going?
Its your call. However as one poster here said, do not lead her on. She's probably no dummy and used to guys turning her away because of her disability.
THATS THE BIG QUESTION
I could probably see it going pretty deep and potentially a good relationship. I felt we really clicked. That's why I felt even more terrible about it afterwards. She's totally someone I could date from purely a personality perspective.
You know after reading, and rereading, your post I think you're a good guy. You need to quit beating yourself up over this. I agree with the other posters, if you enjoy her company there is friend possibility here, but you'd have to make it very clear to her that that's all you want from her and let her decide if that's enough for her. The reality is dating is all about weeding through people until we find the right one. Frankly, I think you're of very good moral character because you show empathy, concern, and compassion. You have unwarranted guilt - you did nothing wrong here.
I don't think you're a bad person either and know that she will surely find someone who can overlook her slight disability. In the end, it's you who has to look at and feel comfortable with the person you are with and if her disability was going to be an issue for you, then you did the right thing.
No more drunk texting!!!
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