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As a straight/single male, I find myself from time to time being attracted to a female waitress, barmaid, checkout girl, bank teller, shop assistant, etc. etc.
What keeps me from asking them out, even if when they are nice to me and all smiles, is a feeling of shame that they are really there doing their job; thus they are being nice not because they like me but because that's what the job requires. Furthermore I put myself in their shoes thinking that she might be really tired, working to feed her family or make ends meet, and having the right to not be harassed by any a***ole wanting to date her just because he can talk to her.
On the other hand I can't help thinking that some of them, especially in places where I am a frequent customer, may be nice to me because they really like me.
Ladies what you think? Especially those of you that have jobs where they interact with a lot of male customers? Would you welcome flirting from customers or not?
I am married, but I work in a very public place (bank.) So this is hypothetical with me, but in short, I would say it is fine IF you are sensitive about it. The fact that you even wonder about it indicates you have some sensitivity. Yes, some of the young ladies are probably nice to you because it is their job to be. Therefore, I would look for some sign of "interest" on her part. I mean, how friendly is she? Does she talk to you more than absolutely necessary? Check also for a wedding band before you proceed. It's difficult to tell, I know, but most women will give you a little bit of a signal that they are also interested (unless they are VERY shy.)
I also think it would probably be best to have spoken with her several times before asking her out. This is just some advice from an old married lady. Others may feel differently.
It depends on how you go about it. If you're at a bar, say and you're not interested, you can go somewhere else. When you're working, you're pretty well stuck there whether you're comfortable with the situation or not. I had a guy who used to come through my line all the time always trying to get my number, etc. and it was pretty uncomfortable; I dreaded him coming through my line. Working a hotel, I see a little less of that, but there are people who will sit and talk to you while they're on the computer, etc. and even if you'd rather they don't the job requires you be nice (One guy, once he figured out we pretty much stay at the desk all night would come around all the time and try to talk to my coworker and wouldn't go away; he played on the fact she was stuck there and it pissed her off). Some of the regulars will come in drunk and always say things to me, try to get me to come out with them, etc. Once I'd told them for the hundredth time I had a boyfriend they switched to saying he could come with as long as I brought single friends. Hah. (of course once they sober up they always come down and apologize for anything rude they might have said).
You sound like a genuine guy, and I'm not saying I believe you'd be the type to put a girl in any of the above situations. But understand that the majority of guys that start to hit on people who work somewhere fall under these catagories, so it would be very difficult to break through that shell and come across as someone different. As suggested I'd look for a ring (hah, I used to wear a ring to work on my right hand and enough people asked if I was married, engaged, etc. that I just started wearing it on the other hand to give everyone that impression). And don't persist if they shut you down in any manner. My typical response is just to mention my boyfriend, which usually gives the hint. Of course, I had one guy who subsequently started asking a bunch of questions, where I met him, if it was serious, etc. I wasn't sure if he was trying to catch my lying (which I wasn't) or just that bored at 3am and trying to make conversation lol.
It depends on how you go about it. If you're at a bar, say and you're not interested, you can go somewhere else. When you're working, you're pretty well stuck there whether you're comfortable with the situation or not. I had a guy who used to come through my line all the time always trying to get my number, etc. and it was pretty uncomfortable; I dreaded him coming through my line. Working a hotel, I see a little less of that, but there are people who will sit and talk to you while they're on the computer, etc. and even if you'd rather they don't the job requires you be nice (One guy, once he figured out we pretty much stay at the desk all night would come around all the time and try to talk to my coworker and wouldn't go away; he played on the fact she was stuck there and it pissed her off). Some of the regulars will come in drunk and always say things to me, try to get me to come out with them, etc. Once I'd told them for the hundredth time I had a boyfriend they switched to saying he could come with as long as I brought single friends. Hah. (of course once they sober up they always come down and apologize for anything rude they might have said).
You sound like a genuine guy, and I'm not saying I believe you'd be the type to put a girl in any of the above situations. But understand that the majority of guys that start to hit on people who work somewhere fall under these catagories, so it would be very difficult to break through that shell and come across as someone different. As suggested I'd look for a ring (hah, I used to wear a ring to work on my right hand and enough people asked if I was married, engaged, etc. that I just started wearing it on the other hand to give everyone that impression). And don't persist if they shut you down in any manner. My typical response is just to mention my boyfriend, which usually gives the hint. Of course, I had one guy who subsequently started asking a bunch of questions, where I met him, if it was serious, etc. I wasn't sure if he was trying to catch my lying (which I wasn't) or just that bored at 3am and trying to make conversation lol.
Good advice. In fact, that was the only thing I considered adding, but actually, you seemed sensitive enough I didn't feel the need to do so. But, absolutely, if you do show some interest and it is NOT reciprocated..."buzz off'" quickly and do NOT approach her again. In other words, "take no for an answer."
The other day my friend who also works in a bank had a guy come in that she apparently thought was kinda cute and she complimented him on something. As he left, he handed her his phone number and said to call him if she wanted to. This is one approach which leaves the ball in the woman's court. She doesn't feel pressured. The only downside I see to this approach is that even in this modern day and time, some women might not feel comfortable calling a man But it's a thought....
It is perfectly fine to flirt with women (or men) who work in public service jobs. But harmless flirting is not the same as trying to get a date with someone. Unfortunately, some people don't know the difference. They think that if someone flirts with them, they must be interested in dating. That may be far from the case.
I've given my phone number/email address to a few women in these situations over the years. No woman has ever contacted me. Unfortunately for men, most women still expect men to go out on the limb and do the asking. And yes, if a man cannot discern from the situation whether she really likes you or she is only being friendly, you may have to swallow hard and take a risk once in a while. I do not regret the few times I have taken a risk although none has ever paid off.
For the last few months I have had my eye on a cute teller at my bank. I always hope I see her when I go there. She is always very friendly and seems more personable than your average bank teller. She obviously remembers me because even when I get another teller and she is there, she smiles at me or says hi. Yet I still don't know the appropriate way to approach her. She has some sort of a non-descript "ring" on her ring finger which is not nice enough to be an engagement ring - it could be an "I have a boyfriend" ring or just a fake ring to keep creeps from asking her out.
I have overheard Starbucks baristas a few times chat with each other about how often they get hit on. One of them is not only very attractive but also extremely flirtatious. I heard her say she is simply like that (and of course, working for tips) yet she resents when men ask her out, apparently something that happens to her often. I too want to avoid being just another creep who thinks the cute barista or bank teller must have a crush on me because of how nice she is. I tend to assume she is merely doing her job.
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and and ask someone out. But do it in a nice, non-threatening, non-creepy, non-stalkerish, tactful way. That puts the ball in her court and you have a 50-50 chance she'll say yes. Sometimes you just gotta take risks!
I think, if you feel that there is chemistry, you can ask if they are allowed to date customers. That way they can let you know that they aren't interested without thinking that they are hurting your feelings.
Umm when I did work in a job where there were many men around(law firm) I was pretty much walking on eggshells the whole time. I knew if I went along with the flirting with any of the many guests or co-workers that passed through something could come up. I keep my distance because if something went sour, normally HR always blames the girl. I can see it being a fantasy for some guys.
In High school I got a job working at J.Crew on the weekends. They put me in the men's department; One time a guy's girlfriend almost hit me because her man was slighty flirting with me, meanwhile I was in total shock since I was naive and would never of thought an attached guy would want to pursue another girl. From that moment on, the store manager was always looking around to see if I would encourage them or lead them on. In reality I was way to timid back then to go along with their flirting.
Last edited by Anigirli; 05-18-2007 at 07:48 PM..
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Yes, some of the young ladies are probably nice to you because it is their job to be. Therefore, I would look for some sign of "interest" on her part. I mean, how friendly is she? Does she talk to you more than absolutely necessary? Check also for a wedding band 
before you proceed. It's difficult to tell, I know, but most women will give you a little bit of a signal that they are also interested (unless they are VERY shy.)
In other words, "take no for an answer."
But it's a thought....
