Straight forward or partial cover-up? (feelings, years, online, money)
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If he treated you poorly, don't be afraid to say it - he brought it on himself! And you never know, maybe hearing the truth will force him to take a good look at himself, do some growing up and make some changes in his character in the future.
I doubt it. Most people don't change radically. Breaking up does not not induce some wonderful epiphany. Perhaps if the OP is the love of her boyfriend's life, and he plunged into a pit of mourning and woe: "Oh where did I go wrong, where, WHERE? I've learned my lesson, never again!" Then possibly. He doesn't sound like that kind of boyfriend.
I doubt it. Most people don't change radically. Breaking up does not not induce some wonderful epiphany. Perhaps if the OP is the love of her boyfriend's life, and he plunged into a pit of mourning and woe: "Oh where did I go wrong, where, WHERE? I've learned my lesson, never again!" Then possibly. He doesn't sound like that kind of boyfriend.
People don't change radically overnight but overtime, people do change and mature, based on their life experiences - especially if the OP and her boyfriend are as young as they sound. Don't know about you but I'm 27 and definitely changed and grown in the last 5-10 years. Not everyone does but that's why I said "maybe".
People don't change radically overnight but overtime, people do change and mature, based on their experiences - especially if the OP's and her boyfriend are as young as they sound. Don't know about you but I'm 27 and definitely changed and grown in the last 5-10 years. Not everyone does but that's why I said "maybe".
That's true. I did grow up a lot in my 20s. I just don't consider myself some kind of therapist or that I am obliged to help a guy grow up.
There's a good guideline to consider when wondering whether to tell someone something:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it helpful?
In the case of the OP, the "true" part is, well, true, but the other two are debatable. It really depends on the two of them. It sounds to me like the OP kind of despises the guy at this point and is just going to unleash on him.
I do wonder, though. Broken promises, unreliability, and he left your place right after sex - why did you wait all this time? I do assume and hope that along the way you sat him down and attempted to discuss these issues in hopes of salvaging this relationship?
I did talk about those things with him but then he would come up with ''And what about that time you..... when your mother..... I had to....blah, blah, blah.. So it's like he always seem to have his side of the story and I then always end up apologizing after almost every argument. I would then feel guilty and from some time on, hardly ever argue again to the point I would literally say ''YES'' to everything.
Though the only difference is that I still loved him at the time, now I do not.
As for the ages, when we meet right in ending of July 2006 I was 19 and he was 21 at the time. Now as you can see, a bit more than 3 years have passed by.
In the case of the OP, the "true" part is, well, true, but the other two are debatable. It really depends on the two of them. It sounds to me like the OP kind of despises the guy at this point and is just going to unleash on him.
Not really, I would want to keep him as a typical contact friend. But I do not like him as a relationship material no more, the feelings aren't there...
One thing I never really forgot while on the LDR..... him not wishing me a happy birthday back on 2008. That's not all. A week after my b/f, he calls to break up that he feels lonely and how my mother with her friend used to treat him badly, smack talking about him behind his back and so on... blah... blah... blah... Then one month later he asked me back, telling me how I'm special, blah... blah... but I still loved him back then....
This year, he did called right the next day, ok late (by this point, all my feelings for him I once had started to faded and it's gone now).
Now I will be the dumper, finally and for good. I'm not coming back, well not as relationship material but only as friend is he wants to. If not, he can take a hike.
Personally speaking, there is no reason to add insult to injury. You are breaking up, that's enough of an action to say "hey, you sucked as a b/f". Although, some people need closure, so you should just tell him that you are not compatible and you want to date other people, period. The more you go into "details" the more room there is for arguing, name calling, etc.. and you want to always end things in an adult manner.
I agree with this. You can give him the overall gist of your desire to end it without giving him a bunch of details which he will, from the sound of it, argue about until the next thing you know, you're apologizing to him again. Keep it simple and to the point, while telling the truth. Simple is always best, unless you're in a complexity contest.
Not really, I would want to keep him as a typical contact friend. But I do not like him as a relationship material no more, the feelings aren't there...
One thing I never really forgot while on the LDR..... him not wishing me a happy birthday back on 2008. That's not all. A week after my b/f, he calls to break up that he feels lonely and how my mother with her friend used to treat him badly, smack talking about him behind his back and so on... blah... blah... blah... Then one month later he asked me back, telling me how I'm special, blah... blah... but I still loved him back then.... This year, he did called right the next day, ok late (by this point, all my feelings for him I once had started to faded and it's gone now).
Now I will be the dumper, finally and for good. I'm not coming back, well not as relationship material but only as friend is he wants to. If not, he can take a hike.
If it's any consolation, there are a whole lot of people in this world whose spouses or SOs forgot to wish them a happy birthday, happy anniversary, etc. Some people just really suck at remembering dates
You simply say, 'as much as you wanted it to, it is siimply not working We gave it a good shot and now it's time to move on because it's starting to become an unhealthy relationship
and this
Quote:
And as for the whole 'let's be friends' cliche' - don't even use that tired old bs line. Because it's lame, it's not true and it is insulting and I would probably spit on someone if they ever said that to me
Pretty much perfect, and all that needs to be said.
I agree with this. You can give him the overall gist of your desire to end it without giving him a bunch of details which he will, from the sound of it, argue about until the next thing you know, you're apologizing to him again. Keep it simple and to the point, while telling the truth. Simple is always best, unless you're in a complexity contest.
Nope, I don't feel like arguing again and more than likely it will not end up in my favor. I may not apologize again but either one of us might hang up. Not good in that case but yes I will try to make it as brief as possible...
If it's any consolation, there are a whole lot of people in this world whose spouses or SOs forgot to wish them a happy birthday, happy anniversary, etc. Some people just really suck at remembering dates
It's not just that, it's many, many things he did during both the time we were in the same place and during the whole LDR. The b-day thing is one of the top killer in the ice.. It took him to do many, many stupid things and before you know it, he killed all those feelings I once fell for him... Ignoring me for about 3 months after arriving to my country was a top killer, then calling me again 4 months later and so on... and then this year starting on ending of Sept.. all of the sudden calling me more. Why call me more after 2 years later. Previously he would call only after a lapse of time passed by and it was either me wasting money on calling card or online im...
Then another top killer, that he keeps postponing the day he will come visit me. I know he's not coming. My parents would told me from the start that he was only ''words, words, and words'' and no action. I see now they were always right about him. He's only of words. Plus I asked him for a simply book about 3 months ago, he couldn't even do me that little favor. Loser....
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