Old classmates don't want to catch up or even respond (love, couple)
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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident
That strikes me as odd although probably not uncommon these days. I prefer to make friends I can see in the flesh. As far as your dilemma with Facebook/Myspace is concerned, people have real lives and not everyone is either interested in or has time to sit at a computer all day long playing catch-up with the past. I guess it's something you'll just have to accept.
Since I lost touch with high school and uni friends, I have made friends through dating sites, facebook, forums etc, whom I have met in real life and am now friends with in real life. I also have friends on the States who I speak to online, but who I consider as real as real friends I see day to day in the flesh.
I don't even spend much time on facebook; I go on it 10-15 minutes a day to check if I have any messages.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by militarymom
I wouldn't take it too personally. I am on facebook and it really is pretty superficial in the end. I have a number of old high school friends on there and other than a few good friends I hung out with its mainly just curiosity that I think people 'friend' you. They may want to see a picture, they may want to just see what you're doing from your info page but they may not be actually interested in starting up conversation.
I always at least write a small note inboxed to the person and sometimes people respond, other times they go ignored when I ask to be friends with someone. It really depends how often the person is on FB too. I ended up defriending a bunch of casual aquaintances and people who just were never active with me. Interesting enough many of them initiated the friend status. I don't see the sense in having 200+ friends on FB. I use it mainly to connect with 'in real life' friends and family now who live far away from where we're currently stationed. Some people have everyone they ever met even ever so casually if that as 'friends'. I don't feel comfortable with that many people keeping up with my daily activities.
Most people will at least add me as facebook friends, but actually talking to me on the chat is a different matter. Only perhaps half or so will actually do so.
I have about 200 facebook friends, most of whom I do know.
Yeah I too generally do it out of curiosity. But I always leave open the possibility friendship could be rekindled. I guess there have been success stories, I did re-connect with my best friend from primary school (since I was 6) after not seeing him for 10 years, and we are now mates again.
I'm on Facebook and have to say for the most part it's been fun.
I've reconnected with a few people I went to school with and it's been an education.
One I thought was a good friend now annoys the heck out of me with all of her babble.
One that I thought never even knew my name has been the most fun to talk to.
OP,
I had the same problem. I recently wound up on F/B thanks to my penfriend in South Africa. I 'reconnected' with a friend I wrote the occasional email to...she and a whole group are F/B friends (we all knew each other in university and we were all friends, went to several of their weddings, visa versa).
I got a few 'hellos' but then the blow off. I would comment on such and such or remark we all now live very close (within a few hours) but no one wanted to talk to me or comment on my photos (of my family) or anything.
It was disheartening because I was actually called 1) a stalker by one's husband because I commented a few time on 'a friend's kids photos' and 2) another 'friend' complained she hated my college photos I put up on my page. She said they made her look bad (again this was college in the 1980s.) I apologized and said I would take them off if they offended her.
In the end, no, it is not like Hollywood. No one wanted to play 'remember when' (as Tony Soprano says, 'the lowest form of conversation'!). No one gave a damn about me or where I was in life.
I got fed up and just quit F/B. I got a bit tired of reading how 'happening' people were and the stress of 'being ostracized' by people who you thought were your friends became too much. I guess I am the one in the group no one cares to catch up or be friendly with.
its mainly just curiosity that I think people 'friend' you. They may want to see a picture, they may want to just see what you're doing from your info page but they may not be actually interested in starting up conversation.
I've accepted friend requests from high school/college/old job people, but most of the time if they put "hey, how are you?" in their requests I don't feel obligated to answer. If we weren't close enough for you to keep in touch to know how I am, what's the urgency? You can see what I'm up to from my profile and status updates, and vice versa.
I figure I've kept up with some friends from High School, and don't seem to feel the need to Facebook with those I haven't. I was told our reunions get maybe 60 people out of a class of 500. Friends come and go, I think the Facebook thing is just a mini reunion.
Not too long ago I got a recommendation from one of my former high school classmates to add another one, so I sent the friend request along with a short note. She and I had dated best friends and quickly became really good friends ourselves, though we lost touch when her and the one friend broke up and she moved away from my hometown. Anyway, she replied back and said she was now married, had a couple of kids and really didn't care to reconnect with old classmates...she had left her high school days behind her. I apologized, wished her well and suggested that if she didn't want to reconnect with her past, perhaps she should remove the name of the high school from her profile because that was going to link her to everyone else.
Some people just don't care to reconnect for whatever reason. People change for both better and worse and if they choose not to keep in touch or not accept an add request, I don't lose any sleep over it. Overall, it's been a pretty good experience for me...I've never gone to any of my class reunions so Facebook has been a great way for me to catch up with people and vice versa.
Sometimes people just don't want to revisit their past. Sometimes past connections get in the way, meaning that "friending" someone you once cared about on facebook or classmates might also mean being in contact with friends of theirs you would rather let go or forget. This has happened to a couple of times. I find it creepy reconnecting with friends from the past if it also means receiving friendship requests from high school "enemies." I do like phone calls on the other hand, but that's a bit off topic.
Social networking sites like FB have diminished the true value of friendship. I have the same problem as the OP. People add me and I get excited seeing someone from my past thinking that they really wanna make a connection with me again. Well, I send a "hi how are you doin? Whats new?" message or post on their wall and they wont answer back. Or they will add me and ask how i am doin and I ask whats goin on with them in return and they no longer answer. I dunno...should I assume they are too busy to talk and keep trying to message them at another time or just give up and move on? so many people who add me do this so I tend to take it personally alot of times and think I must not be that interesting. I know alot of these people really never talked to me in high school or college, so I wonder why they added me in the first place. I guess when you have 200+ friends on your fb like most people do you just dont wanna talk to half of them lol.
Social networking sites like FB have diminished the true value of friendship. I have the same problem as the OP. People add me and I get excited seeing someone from my past thinking that they really wanna make a connection with me again. Well, I send a "hi how are you doin? Whats new?" message or post on their wall and they wont answer back. Or they will add me and ask how i am doin and I ask whats goin on with them in return and they no longer answer. I dunno...should I assume they are too busy to talk and keep trying to message them at another time or just give up and move on? so many people who add me do this so I tend to take it personally alot of times and think I must not be that interesting. I know alot of these people really never talked to me in high school or college, so I wonder why they added me in the first place. I guess when you have 200+ friends on your fb like most people do you just dont wanna talk to half of them lol.
If social networking has diminished the true value of friendship, then why do you let it get to you?
People get busy, maybe only check their FB account once a week or once a month. Some join and never go back. Passwords get lost. Don't know what to say. Lost their internet service and/or no longer have it. Computer broke down. Could be any number of things.
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