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And you have ME as your friend on there!!! And due to the fact that I am so awesome, it makes your day that we can post to each other every day if we feel like it or ignore each other until we get on CD!!! LOL!!!
My past is my past--and I probably don't remember you anyway. I've moved on. I'm not even worried about yesterday, I'm focused on today--one day at a time.
Ok, one of the features I like about facebook/myspace is the chance to re-connect with old classmates and friends. So I searched everyone I could remember and added them. While most added me as friends, frustratingly, most also do not respond to my messages! I simply say something like 'Hey ...... it's John, remember me from high school? What are you up to these days?' It's not like I pressure them to meet up, or really even plan to, but why won't people even respond to messages from an old acquaintance or even friend (in a couple of cases)? It's not like I did any of them any wrong, or was very unlikable at school. Even my best friend throughout primary school didn't seem very interested in me. We used to always hang out, but when I met him at uni a few years ago he barely acknowledged my existence! Makes me wonder if it's something I did, or if I was just no fun to be around back then....
Anyway, after chatting to a few of them I did ask if they were interested in meeting up, but people just don't seem to be. Sometimes I worry it's me: I was quiet, shy, but always nice and polite to people, and always had time for them. I just didn't say much. Are people simply too busy or don't care at all about their past?
I know they don't reply because they update their status etc AFTER I send the message. Just wondered if anyone had a similar gripe, or could explain this kind of behaviour to me. Why are people so uninterested in reconnecting with their past?
For a lot of people - including me - the classmates aspect of FB is there to satisfy our curiosity and nothing more. I have accepted (and extended) friend requests to give me access to see how the other person's life has turned out, and they have done the same with me. It's fun to see what you look like, your spouse, kids etc. This is something everyone can do at his own leisure.
Rekindling an old connection, however, takes time. And you know what, life gets in the way of that. Sitting down in front of my computer, it takes time for me to think of something interesting and fun to say to a person I haven't seen in 20 years. After a minute or two of thinking, life comes up and I have something more pressing to do. I have to go to work, I have to sort my laundry, dinner is ready, whatever. And after trying it once or twice, its easy to give up and just stick to perusing each others pictures.
yes, but those people seem few and far between, wigirl...can't give up though
No, you certainly can't!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
Rekindling an old connection, however, takes time. And you know what, life gets in the way of that. Sitting down in front of my computer, it takes time for me to think of something interesting and fun to say to a person I haven't seen in 20 years. After a minute or two of thinking, life comes up and I have something more pressing to do. I have to go to work, I have to sort my laundry, dinner is ready, whatever. And after trying it once or twice, its easy to give up and just stick to perusing each others pictures.
Exactly! After not seeing or interacting with someone for such a long period of time, even just giving a very basic update can be time-consuming. How much do you say, how little do you say...will he/she really care about this or that. It really isn't easy to try and catch up with someone you haven't been in touch with for a significant period of time.
Social networking sites like FB have diminished the true value of friendship. I have the same problem as the OP. People add me and I get excited seeing someone from my past thinking that they really wanna make a connection with me again. Well, I send a "hi how are you doin? Whats new?" message or post on their wall and they wont answer back. Or they will add me and ask how i am doin and I ask whats goin on with them in return and they no longer answer. I dunno...should I assume they are too busy to talk and keep trying to message them at another time or just give up and move on? so many people who add me do this so I tend to take it personally alot of times and think I must not be that interesting. I know alot of these people really never talked to me in high school or college, so I wonder why they added me in the first place. I guess when you have 200+ friends on your fb like most people do you just dont wanna talk to half of them lol.
I don't think it's any different than running into old classmates and other acquaintances and saying "hi how's it going" but still not expecting to talk about life for 2-3 hours.
Most people have time for 1 or 2 very close friends, they have a little time for a few more fairly close friends but for the rest, it's just a quick "hope all is going well for you".
Work and family take up a lot of time. It's always been that way, I remember my mom complaining about having to do Christmas cards, write some kind of message to people she rarely if ever saw - except in a Christmas card every year. Now we just have it a little easier with FB etc, a way to stay up with people by a message board.
It really isn't easy to try and catch up with someone you haven't been in touch with for a significant period of time.
I had a very dear girlfriend for many years when we were both living and working in London in the 60s. She moved to Canada, I moved to the US and although we kept in touch and visited back and forth for a few years, our lives took different paths and we ended up simply not keeping in touch with each other.
A few years ago I found her not on Facebook but via the internet, we got back in touch and she came to visit me four years ago for my 60th birthday celebration. We had a BLAST, a wonderful time and it was such fun playing catch-up. We stayed in touch for a year after that and then things dwindled again. No big issues involved, we're just thousands of miles apart and have our own respective busy lives to cope with and it's not a big deal.
On the other hand, I have a Facebook page which I very rarely visit unless I get a notification that someone has left me a message. These are people who I do see from time to time (they've left island but come back now and then) and are people with whom I have a connection.
What has confused me is that a couple of those people have sent me "friend" requests suggesting that I add this and that person to my friends list and these are people I don't know from a hole in the wall. Why would I want to befriend them when I don't know them? Facebook isn't a priority with me. I'm easily accessible via email and don't have any need to have 2-300 Facebook "friends" who are virtual strangers.
And I had a very odd experience recently when a man I vaguely knew over the years here all of a sudden popped up on Facebook as a "friend request." I knew him so little that I didn't even know he had left island but saw no harm in adding him.
A week or so later I was notified via email that he had contacted me via Facebook to say hello and I clicked on the link provided (it was in my "Suspect email" folder as I've never put the Facebook link into my regular allowed email inbox) and there was a message saying "Hi" and that he wanted me to look at his photographs which he linked.
I clicked on the link and immediately a big warning came up that if I opened this link it contained a malevolent virus and to be extremely cautious. I deleted it in a heartbeat. Never had any axe to grind with this man and barely knew him but it certainly was a lesson in caution learned.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Interesting replies, everyone.
Another reason I feel slightly annoyed is because of common courtesy. I know if you receive a message from someone, it's not likely you're morally obligated to reply, but I just don't like being ignored like that for no good reason. I would at least like it if they would say hello to acknowledge my existence, and it would be nice if they said they remembered me, or at least seemed a TINY bit interested in my life. Like I said, not everyone who looks up old classmates is even interested in re-kindling friendships; maybe re-kindly acquaintances.
Interesting how many here say they would like to forget the past. Me, I am actually curious as to how people have come along. If I, to give an example, re-connected with someone who was not nice to me or bullied me (hypothetically speaking), and they seemed to be doing alright, and had seemed to change, I would feel good about that. Might not be rushing to ask them out for a coffee, but it's still nice to now how people are getting along.
I think it does depend on the person. Some people don't like to think about the past/pretend it exists, some people LIVE in the past and never move forward, while some believe that the past is an unescapable part of who you are, but you life is also lived forward and you can't dwell on past glories. Making new friends is part of life, but I don't know, isn't it nice to know you share something special with someone you went to school with when you were 7? Or your first 'date' when you were 10 or something? lol
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by introspective1
wigirl, well, nowadays people dont wanna have real friendships. People wanna make or only keep in touch with friends through the internet and if people dont answer my messages or e-mails back then it seems to be impossible to make/keep friends. People really do not talk over the phone and if your friends do not live close, online is the only way they seem to wanna keep in touch. Even if they do live close, everyone is so busy that they have no time to hang out even though they always ask you to be the one to initiate the plans to hang out. No one wants to be friendless, so I guess thats why this stuff gets to me sometimes.
Yeah, it seems people are too busy to strike up new friendships that aren't 'incidental' - i.e. through work, college etc.
How ironic that, so many people (many actually popular) are using the net to look for new friends (so they say)? Sometimes I do think they just say that. Take dating sites. All those women and men who say they want to make friends, yet if you aren't 'dating material' you don't have a cinder's chance in a blizzard. By 'friend' they mean 'friend who is potential mate material.'
Yeah, it seems people are too busy to strike up new friendships that aren't 'incidental' - i.e. through work, college etc.
How ironic that, so many people (many actually popular) are using the net to look for new friends (so they say)? Sometimes I do think they just say that. Take dating sites. All those women and men who say they want to make friends, yet if you aren't 'dating material' you don't have a cinder's chance in a blizzard. By 'friend' they mean 'friend who is potential mate material.'
OMG...you said exactly what I wanted to say. Well said, lol!!
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And due to the fact that I am so awesome, it makes your day that we can post to each other every day if we feel like it or ignore each other until we get on CD!!! LOL!!!
